Shout out to the NFL for finally giving Amazon good games on Thursday night. I will never forget the Browns and Titans and Jaguars having mid-offs while wearing Madden “Create-a-Team” ass uniforms. This week, Washington flew into Wisconsin to get ragdolled by this Packers defense that received a massive upgrade a week before the season […]
We’ve seen each team play exactly one football which means it’s time to wildly overreact to the smallest sample size possible. Let’s do the first NFL Power Rankings of the year and overreact to the only 4 quarters of football we’ve seen: 32. Miami Dolphins (0-1) Overreaction: Blow up the team. Fire GM Chris […]
Josh Allen vs. Lamar Jackson on Sunday night—for a lot of fans—will be the best football game of the year. Josh Allen leading the Bills back from a 40-25 deficit in the 4th quarter was worthy of caveman paintings or those paintings on Greek vases. The ones in the Disney Hercules movies. The type of […]
We’ve played one football game which means it’s time to overreact, make wild declarations with limited evidence—and of course, my favorite—make fun of some guys. Let’s not even waste time. My laptop is 200 degrees. I don’t even know if I’ll finish this article before my keyboard ignites. I’m using a Dell from the Obama […]
Welcome to the first ever Deadseriousness Top 50 NFL Quarterbacks. These rankings will be determined by a points-based system. Sort of. I will grade these 50 quarterbacks on 5 unique, and important attributes, on -5 to 5 scale. Here are the 5 categories: Wins and losses (we can talk about the defense and the offensive […]
You read that correctly. This isn’t an article predicting the NFL Award winners. No, these are 2025 NFL season predictions…in award form. Last year, I handed out awards every week and my brain is conditioned to exclusively write about the NFL via awards. It is an illness no doctor can fix. It’s something I must […]
Sources: The Cowboys are receiving two first-round picks and DT Kenny Clark in exchange for Micah Parsons. — Dianna Russini (@diannarussini.bsky.social) August 28, 2025 at 5:16 PM Dallas Cowboys get: 2 first-round picks, DT Kenny Clark Green Bay Packers get: EDGE Micah Parsons Micah Parsons gets: 4-year $188 million contract extension We’ve got […]
In 2005, at age 31, Jake Plummer—one of my favorite QBs back in the day—an OG gunslinger who I imagine used to jog into the huddle on first down and say—”watch me throw this football over them mountains”—had the best season of his NFL career. After getting the wind knocked out of them in a […]
I would love to be considered amongst the greatest to ever type words but unfortunately, I don’t think I’ll ever come close. I highkey suck at this. I lack, like, the basic fundamentals. Abritrary punctuations, run-on sentences and typos top to bottom. These are caveman drawings. Middle school doodles on the backs of worksheets. Honestly, […]
Hey, everyone’s going through something. We’re all in constant battles. It’s hard out here for a pimp. And it’s also hard for the hoes, of course. The Johns probably have a lot they’re working out as well. We don’t kink shame here but I know they’d be happier spending their money elsewhere. Go find love. […]
I wanted to start my 2025 NFL season previews with positivity. Nazis and perverts have swarmed every government body in the last few years and I don’t want to add to the nonstop annoying, depressing shitposts flooding everyone’s timelines 24/7. However, I still have to get a littleeeee hate out of my heart, as a […]
How Did 2024 Go? Record: 3-14 31st-ranked offense 21st-ranked defense The Giants won 3 more NFL games than you and I did. Outside of Drew Lock having one of the greatest single games in the history of the sport—a performance to be passed down from generation to generation of Lock’s like Drew slayed the Gorgon—you […]
Last week, Micah Parsons announced he’s done playing around with the Dallas Cowboys. Thank you Dallas 🦁👑 🙏🏾! I pic.twitter.com/EUnEj9uRUt — Micah Parsons (@MicahhParsons11) August 1, 2025 Micah Parsons wants his money and Jerry Jones is playing in his face, attention-hoarding as he runs from the grim reaper in his dreams every night. Last season, […]
Micah Parsons has made 3 All-Pro teams (First Team All-Pro 2021. 2022, Second Team All-Pro 2023). He’s a 4-time All-Star. The 2021 Defensive Rookie of the Year. He’s finished in the Top 3 in Defensive Player of the Year voting 3 of his 4 first NFL seasons. Parsons missed 4 games last season with a […]
In April, former NFL tight end turned sports hot take artist and interviewer with the worst questions ever, Shannon Sharpe, was about to sign his name on a $100 million podcast contract. The very same month, a young woman accused Sharpe of sexual assault and filed a lawsuit against the co-star of ESPN’s First Take. […]
A stunner: The Raiders are releasing standout DT Christian Wilkins, the former prize of free agency after just one season of a five-year, $110M deal, sources say. Wilkins, who has been dealing with a serious foot injury, is on the books for $57.5M fully guaranteed. [image or embed] — Ian Rapoport (@rapsheet.bsky.social) July 24, 2025 […]
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