Mitch McConnell Ran Out of Batteries

81-year-old Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell had a weird ass press conference Wednesday afternoon where he kind of shut down mid-sentence and stared off into the distance.

What in the world just happened here pic.twitter.com/3oOqSEhYLU

— Timothy Burke (@bubbaprog) July 26, 2023

Again, this man runs the Republicans in the Senate. He was born in 1942. His parents were teenagers when sliced bread was invented.

You can see him floating into the light for a second in this press conference. He was hearing the voice of his grandparents calling him to ~~heaven~~ hell.

Here’s what Texas Republican senator John Cornyn said about the incident:

“I support Sen. McConnell as long as he wants to serve as leader”.

What a very normal and regular government we are running here where a geriatric, sundowning soon-to-be corpse can visibly lose his life in the middle of a press conference and the rest of his political party all brush it under the rug as a typical day in the office.

Very cool and normal.

Earlier this year, Mitch McConnell fell and suffered a concussion and a rib injury.

There are NFL quarterbacks in their early 20s who suffer concussions and it alters the course of their careers. Mitch McConnell is an 81-year-old man who had a concussion and we’re all pretending he should continue to have one of the most important jobs in the entire world. Very regular and cool.

Earlier this year, 90-YEAR-OLD Democratic Senator, Dianne Feinstein, was out of work for months after catching shingles leading to brain swelling.

She was born in the 30’s. It’s almost the 30’s again.

These are the people deciding America’s future.

I hope by the time I turn 90, I’m dead.

But on the off chance I survive that long despite spending all of my time hunched over a tiny laptop with vape smoke coming out of my nose, I hope I’m not RUNNING THE FUCKING COUNTRY.

Mitch McConnell’s brain shut off in the middle of his work day and he’s just going back to work.

It’d be one thing if he shut down after going for a jog or something but nope, he shut down from trying to jog his own memory.

Remember when old people used to retire and move to Florida? Now, when you hit a certain age, you are required to move to DC and write legislation.

Look at the next presidential election. Joe Biden is 80. Donald Trump is 77. We are one flu away from all of the politicians dying within a week.

UPDATE: McConnell is back at the presser. pic.twitter.com/hrAdKXpAVX

— Frank Thorp V (@frankthorp) July 26, 2023

But shout out to Mitch McConnell coming back to the press conference after his staff helped him change his diaper in the back.

Glad he had this embarrassing moment before he dies soon. Our last memory of him will be the time he fainted standing up on television while peeing himself.

I’m keeping a bottle of champagne on ice as I wait for the McConnell death push notification. Everyone come thru for my Mitch is dead in a ditch party this weekend.

Randon Stray Thoughts:

I’m allowed to say I’m praying for this man’s death, right? Eh, I make like 5 pennies a day from Ads. I don’t think I’m risking anything by saying I hope the man who helped accelerate the wealth gap in this country dies soon.
As I write this, he is still actively trying to shut down social security and Medicaid. Die yesterday.

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