thelesterlee
After losing to a third-string quarterback in the divisional round, the Dallas Cowboys took an even bigger L when their offensive coordinator, Kellen Moore, took the OC job for the Los Angeles Chargers. Mike McCarthy then announced he’d be handling the playcalling duties but there was still one coach hire that will ensure the Cowboys continue to underachieve.
Cowboys announced they hired Brian Schottenheimer as their new offensive coordinator.
— Adam Schefter (@AdamSchefter) February 4, 2023
Welcome to Dallas, Brian Schottenheimer—the most mediocre offensive coordinator in the modern NFL.
Schottenheimer’s last job was as the passing game coordinator for the 2021 Jacksonville Jaguars. The Jags finished dead fucking last in offense that year.
But perhaps that was Urban Meyer’s fault, sure. So let’s take a look at the rest of this scammer’s resume.
How well do Brian Schittenheimer’s offenses perform?
- From 2016-17, Schottenheimer served as the Indianapolis Colts quarterback coach. In 2017, the Colts had the 30th-ranked offense. But Andrew Luck just retired so there’s another excuse if you want to give him one.
- In 2015, he was the offensive coordinator for the Georgia Bulldogs. Georgia finished ranked 85th in offense.
- From 2012-2014, Schottenheimer was the OC for the St. Louis Rams. The team ranked 21st and worse in all 3 seasons he was there.
- From 2006-2011, BS rode on Rex Ryan’s coattails to the AFC Championship in back-to-back years.
I feel like I’ve made my point here. Brian Schottenheimer has a resume full of disappointments. It makes sense he’s always unemployed.
But the reason he continues to get job offers is 1000% due to his last name.
Brian’s father, Marty, is one of the greatest head coaches in NFL history. He is only 1 of 13 coaches in football history with 200+ wins. Unfortunately, what ultimately stopped Marty from winning more big playoff games was how conservatively his teams played and as you can see, his son has adopted that same boring conservative strategy.
If Brian Schottenheimer changed his name to Brian Johnson, he’d be a mailman driving around Boulder, Colorado right now. I mean, his last name is LITERALLY how he got this Cowboys position. Mike McCarthy’s first NFL coaching job was in 1993 for the Kansas City Chiefs.
Marty Schottenheimer hired Mike McCarthy.
This is like, the textbook definition of nepotism. Brian Schottenheimer’s entire career is the result of his father’s accomplishments. Nothing Brian has done on the sidelines with a playsheet in his hands has helped a professional football team win a game.
Everyone always points to Kyle Shanahan as the face of nepotism but Kyle has earned every opportunity because, ya know, he’s good at his job.
Brian Schottenheimer is mid and has no idea how to get an offense from one side of the field to the other.
Every time Brian Schottenheimer gets a paycheck, Brian Flores should demand more money in his lawsuit against the NFL.
How terrible is the Cowboys offense about to be? Leave a comment below. Respond on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram. Or shoot me an email at Deadseriousmailbag@gmail.com. Let’s chat, bay-beeeee. Let me know if you think Brian Schottenheimer is a good OC, I could use a good laugh.
