Welcome to the third annual “50 NBA Players Who Could Be on a New Team Next Season.” My clairevoyent powers have grown since my last attempt at this so let’s run it back and predict which players will most likely be living in new zip codes in 2027.
The NBA is a league where GMs must constantly look busy, playing with the rosters, 50 players could easily change teams this offseason. We’ll go through each player and discuss why that player or their team will be motivated to shake things up.
First, the superstars…
Star Tier
1. Giannis Antetokounmpo: This feels guaranteed.
Giannis will play somewhere else.
The biggest question is which team is willing to burn two roster spots for his weird-ass brothers. This new team better have their catering on POINT for Thanasis or Giannis might suddenly have another mysterious calf thing.
2. LeBron James: The Luka Doncic trade was a pink slip in LeBron’s locker. The Lakers have a new superstar to wrap around trucks and lamp posts; they don’t need to continue signing LeBron to 1-year deals in perpetuity. I also don’t trust the Lakers ability to get better even if LeBron returned. Their big acquisition last summer was DeAndre Ayton. Both parties should be willing to move on.
3. Jaylen Brown: The professional missunderstanders have determined Jaylen Brown is trade-eligible because he went on his Twitch stream and said this season was one of his favorites.
Jaylen Brown signed the biggest contract in NBA history a couple years back and I didn’t think he could dribble without looking down at the ball.
Now he and Luka Garza just led the Boston Celtics to the no. 2 seed, holding down that spot almost the entirety of the season.
He finished 6th in MVP voting.
Unfortunately, they blew a 3-1 lead to the Sixers team that stepped on a landmine in Round 2.
Brown and Tatum already won a championship together.
It’s not like there’s some “unfinished business” keeping the pair handcuffed.
Jaylen Brown may need to leave Boston for his own safety. This city keeps the n-word at the tip of their tongues.
4. Paolo Banchero: Franz Wagner and Desmond Bane are a fire tandem to build around.
The Big 3 was cool in the handful of games it occurred, but Paolo Banchero may be better served as a guy on a team instead of THE guy.
If he stays with the franchise that drafted him no. 1 overall, he’s never going to fulfill his destiny as the next Aaron Gordon, helping a real superstar win a championship.
Sarcasm aside, Paolo Banchero isn’t a good enough shooter to justify his number of shot attempts.
HOWEVER, none of these guys got to play together, man. It’s weird. I reckon I’m simply not interested in wasting another year of everyone’s career just “finding out” next year.
5. Kevin Durant: Another summer, another “where will Kevin Durant play next season?”
It’s really hard to call your teammates slurs in private Twitter group chats and spend the first round in a hoodie because you slipped and fell in practice, with your old ass.
The experiment didn’t work. Once again, the Rockets lost in the first round to a less talented group of veterans.
When does Kevin Durant stop thinking “everyone I play with is the r-word” and think “maybe I can help my teammates throughout the course of the season without clearly feeling resentful about having to do so, to the point I’m mocking Jabari Smith Jr’s intelligence to a chat room full of bots and trolls.”
6. Ja Morant: Ja Morant is standing around in an empty house like Will Smith in the Fresh Prince finale. This team belongs to Cedric Coward and whoever Memphis selects in the first round.
Unfortunately, Ja kinda sucks.
His 3-point shot escaped him. He doesn’t look athletic enough to finish at the rim like he used to. But most worrying, he wasn’t even trying last season. Standing completely upright, disenged from both offensive and defensive posessions, like a Friday afternoon in the office before Memorial Day Weekend. Chillin. Not giving a shit about the game of basketball around him. Giggling with opponents while the Grizz got their teeth kicked in behind him.
Personally, I think Ja Morant intentionally didn’t try to force Memphis to trade him without realizing other teams weren’t interested in this version of Ja Morant who isn’t trying. It’s like cutting your hand off at the factory because you don’t want to work there anymore but not considering you’re going to need your hand for future jobs.
Ja lost his hand in the meat packaging plant. aaaaAAYOOOO.
7. Anthony Davis: I’m not 100% sure Anthony Davis ever even arrived in Washington. You could send me the footages but I’d need my forensics team to analyze the materials.
8. Donovan Mitchell: I wouldn’t rule out the Cleveland Cavaliers determining Evan Mobley is the most important player in the building and looking to divvy Mitchell’s salary up to 2-to-3 players who can all help Mobley instead of one dude addicted to chucking 3s until the game gets tight in the 4th, when he’ll suddenly decide to defer to his teammates after 40 straight minutes of selfishness.
9. Zion Williamson: It never made sense drafting Derik Queen—a guy with the same exact profile as Zion Williamson—unless the Pelicans planned on trading Zion Williamson.
Somehow Zion’s still here.
Killed it last season.
Played 62 games, his second highest total of his career and I imagine he would’ve played in more games had the Pelicans been any good.
He’s done enough for a team to take a home run swing at a potential franchise-altering modern-day Bill Walton (with a porn addiction).
10. Jamal Murray: Finally made his first All-Star team, managing to stay healthy in the first half of the season. (it’s year 9) but the Nuggets just lost the Timberwolves third stringers.
Star-Adjacent Tier
11. Derrick White: Coming off his worst offensive season and a first-round exit, Derrick White made himself expendable. The organization just proved cheap, trading away Anfernee Simons at the deadline to save a few meaningless pennies.
I’m convinced, unless a new owner makes it loud and clear they are sickos willing to burn their ashtray money to compete, I assume they’re all poor-crying, profit-maxxing sociopaths only interested in acquiring a new asset for their financial portfolio.
The Boston Celtics may be “post-winning”.
12. Jalen Duren: I’ve seen deer in headlights display more confidence than Jalen Duren did in the playoffs.
13. James Harden: James Harden is in his Russell Westbrook era, signing 1-year deals with playoff teams needing 82 games of easy pick and roll buckets before he embarrasses himself in the playoffs being strange.
Honestly, all the Thunder—Durant, Harden, Westbrook—just show up for a year, score some points, then disappear when their teams need to win a playoff series, if that team even makes the playoffs.
You guys know you’re allowed to retire, right?
14. Alperen Sengun: Domantas Sabonis with a sloppy ass hook shot, Sengun isn’t the reason the Rockets lost in the first round but he certainly didn’t push them over the edge. If the rebuild ends with Alperen Sengun as the best player, world peace will happen before the Rockets make the second round.
15. De’Aaron Fox: Man, that sure is a big contract the Spurs can trade for literally whatever the fuck they want.
If the Spurs lose in the Western Conference Finals and De’Aaron Fox bloodlets in those 4th quarter moments he’s supposed to thrive, bring in Giannis and dominate everything.
AARP Tier
16. Paul George: I don’t know the NBA drug policy like that but PG probably shouldn’t tempt fate and take those steroids again. So post-HGH, the Sixers need to sell high on the 36-year-old who was getting BUCKETS on Jaylen Brown’s head.
I could see Joel Embiid and Paul George playing a combined 18 games next season; out, knees hurt.
17. CJ McCollum: The Hawks should probably bring CJ back (and Jonathan Kuminga), while trying to improve their depth.
The margins are thin in the East.
The Hawks can beat the Pacers in a 7-game series next season just replacing Cory Kispert, Gabe Vincent, Buddy Hield and Tony fucking Bradley with better/other players.
But the entire point of Atlanta acquiring CJ was to take advantage of his expiring contract off their salary cap.
18. Aaron Gordon: The former slam dunk champ turned wheelchair bound injury report dweller, Denver should send Gordon to a city of his choosing and get some young in the building. The Nuggets make basketball look like LABOR. These cats need a break from each other. The vibes are too serious over there.
19. Draymond Green: At the end of the Warriors season, Draymond Green and Steph curry and Steve Kerr embraced, as if saying farewell to an era.
But with Steve Kerr signing a 2-year extension, and Steph Curry’s face on every billboard, maybe they were all actually saying goodbye to Draymond…
20. Brook Lopez: I think the Clippers are about to get really young, really quickly. Brook Lopez is 38. So.
Sacramento Kings Tier
None of these players deserves individual analysis.
There was more than enough talent on this roster to win basketball games.
If you worked on a Ford assembly line, and sort of just checked out for a year, went through the motions, there’d be a national recall of Ford trucks.
You’re fired, my guy.
I love that all these guys got paid and they’re chillin, cool, congrats—but these Bradley Beal ass shenanigans make teams less willing to give deserving players these same dollars.
I don’t think the Kings should’ve been challenging for a top seed, but it’s obvious no one in the building had any real goals or aspirations.
If the Kings won the lottery, I’d be totally okay running it back with AJ Dybantsa surrounded by crabs in a bucket. T
hat’s the crucible that spawned LeBron James. AJ and the Ricky Davis’s vs. Everyone.
But they’re 7th. Ew.
Time to restart your dynasty mode, man. It’s not even fun anymore.
21. DeMar DeRozan
22. Domantas Sabonis
23. Zach LaVine
24. Malik Monk
25. Keegan Murray
Sad Big Man Tier
26. Jeremi Grant: It’s time to divorce. The kids are old enough to understand now.
27. Nikola Vucevic: Boston residents created new slurs watching Nikola get ragdolled in the playoffs.
28. DeAndre Ayton: I wonder how many promises JJ Redick made Deandre Ayton to motivate the big man to try.
“Get 10 rebounds and I’ll make the bus stop at Burger King, okay?”
29. Wendell Carter Jr: The Magic need to change something. Wendell Carter did his thing about Jalen Duren.
Peace peace allah.
But if Orlando continues employing a roster full of guys who can’t shoot, relying on a physical defense to win games, the Magic need a true rim protector back there erasing shots or else it’s perimeter guys exhausting themselves on-ball and if they make one singular mistake, the fuck is Wendell Carter going to do about it behind them?
30. Kyle Kuzma: Giannis contract filler shit.
Budding Stars Tier
31. Scoot Henderson: Jrue Holiday and Damian Lillard is kind of a nice backcourt, yo. Scoot is a player Portland can trade to get those guys some help.
32. Devin Vassell: I understand why y’all love Dylan Harper and Stephon Castle.
They’re decent.
But Devin Vassell is a bucket-getter held back by THREE ball dominant guards and Victor Wembayama rampages.
Vassell averaged 19.5 points two seasons ago with rookie Wemby and point guard Jeremy Sochan.
What about Phoenix? They send back Dillon Brooks, so San Antonio gets an enforcer.
Devin Booker, Jalen Green and Devin Vassell are 2027 Run TMC.
33. Evan Mobley: Free Evan Mobley from the shackles of Donovan Mitchell. Mobley’s effort can never be questioned. But he exists in a heirarchy in which he must stand on the 3-point line watching Donovan Mitchell and James Harden shenangans when he should be going full Giannis-mode.
34. Reed Sheppard: Last season, Reed Sheppard completed G-League sidequests.
This season, in and out of the starting lineup, jersey covered in Kevin Durant hair lint.
I could see another team valuing Reed Sheppard more than Houston does and offering something interesting to acquire him.
35. Ajay Mitchell: The OKC media machine is only, like, 6 months away from designating Ajay Mitchell a 6th man and then turning on him when he rejects the career ceiling placed upon him by bad actors trying to limit my guy’s paychecks.
NAAAAAAAH.
Ajay cannot let Sam Presti’s little whisperers turn him into a villain for believing he’s a starting point guard caliber player.
Get him to the Dallas Mavericks. I think Cooper Flagg’s earned some pull. Get in his agent’s ear and let’s build a dynasty.
I Think You Should Leave Tier
36. Jalen Suggs: An Alex Caruso role would change Jalen Suggs’s life.
No one cares if you go 0-for-3 from three when you become a defensive menace and a crashout on loose balls in 20 minutes a night.
Your foul count doesn’t matter.
Go wreck the game, big dog.
37. Julius Randle: The word “moody” is being floated around the Minnesota Timberwolves and it feels like Julius Randle is on the tip of everyone’s tongue. Pause.
Randle hardly participated in the Timberwolves second round loss to the Spurs. I understand San Antonio’s defense is anchor by an all-seeing, all-knowing 8-foot-tall beast but Randle will miss one or two shots in a row and stop playing like the game’s being unfair to him.
He’s like me when I lose anything.
38. Christian Braun: Christian Braun suffered an injury he clearly never recovered from but the Nuggets are trying to win championships with Jokic. Everyone is injured in the playoffs. Braun was a complete non-factor.
Jokic needs factors.
40. Jaden Ivey: Time to start that cult, brother.
Change of Scenery Tier
41. RJ Barrett: RJ Barrett proved he can be a difference maker on a playoff team.
I want the Scottie Barnes/Brandon Ingram experiment to contine—it’s weird, their games don’t make sense together, it’s disconcerting, I love it—but I think they need a point guard to maneuver the offense, less isos.
RJ Barrett ain’t that
. I’d actually loooove to see RJ on the Nuggets with Jokic.
Get ready to learn “ting”, Cam Johnson.
42. Mitchell Robinson: I could see Mitchell Robinson wanting and receiving a bag.
Isaiah Hartenstein changed tax brackets for doing way less than Mitchell.
Plus, Mitchell may want to leave a blue city like NYC befoe Zohran does communism to him. He must return to God’s country.
43. Paul Reed: Coaches keep treating Paul Reed like he’s Thomas Bryant. There’s untapped Zach Randolph wasted on benches.
44. Dennis Schroder: It’s just a safe bet to assume Dennis Schroder will be on a new team. He’s more ran through than the bottle service girls who make guest appearances on the Joe Budden Podcast.
45. Miles Bridges: The Charlotte Hornets are an exciting team with a large asterisk on the roster averaging 17 points a game and terrorizing loved ones.
Maybe make Sacramento your new home, over there, out of my field of vision.
46. Bub Carrington: Those shot attempts are GONE, buddy.
Trae Young, Anthony Davis, the first round pick, Kyshawn George and Alex Sarr are FIGHTING for the basketball.
It’s done, Bub.
All that dribbling is over.
Stand in the corner, and take Bilal Coulibaly with you.
Your watch has ended.
47. Peyton Watson: Peyton Watson, coming off his most impressive season, should escape the Denver Nuggets sinking ship.
48. Klay Thompson: Klay may want to leave the state of Texas. You can only go out to your driveway to so many sliced tires from Meg The Stallion stans before you move.
Good for him for that peculiar relationship he didn’t care about.
I think more people should just YOLO a year of their lives away.
49. Anthony Black: Run. The most annoying point guard is coming to replace Jalen Suggs. Anhony Black is never becoming their PG1 and will have to watch Ja or a re-routed Trae Young hog the ball. Nothing fun is happening for Anthony Black if he stays on the Orlando Magic.
50. Zaccharie Risacher: Euroball seems fun.
Godspeed to them all. Knicks in 4 tho.
If you enjoyed what you read, head over to our Substack. We’ve got more content making fun of the ridiculous world we live in, sent directly to your email inbox daily.
Follow us over on TikTok, Twitter, Facebook or Instagram. Or shoot me an email at Deadseriousmailbag@gmail.com. Let’s chat, bay-beeeee.
