I. Love. Quarterback. Competitions.
Teams have entire offseasons to acquire talent and when asked the identity of their Week 1 starting quarterback, arguably the most important position in sports, some coaches’ kindest responses are “we’ll see”.
The upcoming 2026 NFL season has some interesting QB battles.
Most notably, the awkward power struggle in Minnesota…
Let’s start with the Vikings.
Kyler Murray vs. JJ McCarthy
Here’s a quick clip of Kyler Murray and JJ McCarthy giving polar opposite answers to the same question:
#Vikings QBs Kyler Murray and J.J. McCarthy on their relationship with one another so far
Not exactly the same answer… 😬pic.twitter.com/USHh3q0G3u
— Adam Patrick (@adampatrickNFL) May 27, 2026
When asked about the relationship between the two QBs competing to start for the Vikings, Kyler Murray said, “It’s been great. Obviously, I know he’s a younger guy, so any way I can help him. Obviously, I feel like I’ve played seven years now, going on eight, so I’m considered a veteran, even though I don’t see myself as that. Give him any knowledge that he needs. Again, we’re both competitors, and I know we both want what’s best for the team.”
Feels like the correct answer.
JJ McCarthy, however, said, “It’s just like two guys in a classroom. He sits on one side. I sit on the side. And it’s the coaches’ responsibility to teach us and coach us.”
Piecing together their two responses, Kyler and JJ don’t speak—have yet to hear the sound of each other’s voice.
Kyler gave a fake good guy response and JJ, unaware Kyler was recorded honestly, accidentally told the truth.
Kyler Murray vs. JJ McCarthy is the funniest QB battle by far.
Kyler Murray was the no. 1 pick. Oakland A’s fans begged him to change professions, also drafted by a Major League Baseball team. Talent oozing from his curls.
It’s almost August, by the time the algorithm gets this to your attention—end-of-August, the cream washes in a week late, that’s what I’m telling myself, it’s hard out here, do not become a writer—and Kyler Murray has not been named the Vikings QB1.
For context, here’s where JJ McCarthy ranked last season amongst NFL QBs in their 4 career starts:
- 53.7% Completion Percentage – Last
- 173.0 Passing YPG – 31st
- 65.8 Passer Rating – Last
- 3.62 ANY/A (adjusted net yards per attempt) – Last
- 69.8% Adjusted Completion Rate – Last
- 43.5% Highly Accurate Throw Rate – Last
- 63.9% Catchable Throw Rate – Last
- 24.1% Off Target Throw Rate – First
- 5.6% Turnover Worthy Throw Rate – First
He might be better than Kyler Murray.
The Vikings are winning negative games.
Will Howard vs. Drew Allar vs. Mason Rudolph
The battle for the prince coronation. This will be Aaron Rodgers’s final NFL season, the heir to the throne currently on the roster.
Willi Howard entering his sophomore NFL campaign vs. rookie Drew Allar out of Penn State.
But then there’s Mason Rudolph, also on the depth chart, competing to backup Aaron Rodgers and, given the history of the NFL lined with JD Vance-faced phonies like Mason, the probability of Rudolph making the roster just so the coaches have a buddy to golf with is sky high.
Whoever picks Aaron Rodgers up at 3am from the bed of a woman who is not his wife, without leaking it to anyone, will be his backup. As true annually. Shout out Tim Boyle.
Read More: Mason Rudolph and Will Howard Battle For The Steelers Fake Backup QB Job
Shedeur Sanders vs. Deshaun Watson (vs. Dillon Gabriel)
Shedeur Sanders, to the dismay of Mel Kiper’s son, fell to the 5th round but found his way onto the field last season for the final 7 games. Went 3-4, throwing for 1,400 yards with 7 touchdowns and 10 interceptions. Rookie rookie-ing. Looked like, at best, a 3rd round pick. No signs of superstar talent but Deshaun Watson ain’t got any of that left either.
In 2020, Deshaun Watson led the NFL in passing yards, signed the biggest contract in NFL history, publicly shamed, karma measuring him for walking boots annually, 6 years later, I do not know this man in Deshaun Watson’s skin.
Dillon Gabriel also works there, so.
Michael Penix Jr. and Tua Tagovailoa vs. the Injured Reserve
Falcons training camp started with Cooper Rush taking first-team QB snaps.
Michael Penix and Tua Tagovailoa can’t even participate in a QB battle, they’re too injured for the weigh-in.
Cooper Rush needed to be signed this week because the third-string QB on the Falcons, Trevor Siemian, was released with a non-football injury on Wednesday.
Michael Penix Jr still recovers from his partially torn ACL in November. According to Josh Kendall of The Athletic, Penix needs at least another 4 weeks before he’s ready to take the field.
Meanwhile, Tua is out with back tightness. Adam Schefter said Tua should be back next week. Sure.
The Atlanta Falcons quarterbacks are injured before a single football game’s been played.
By Week 17, I will have received a call, asking if I can fly out to Atlanta and lace them up for the birds. I will humbly accept but we’ll spend the night negotiating. I am not cheap.
Jaxson Dart vs. Abdul Carter
Jaxson Dart lifted off his feet, floating, following the fragrance of Donald Trump McDonald’s belches, he rode into Upstate, NY to help the president endorse a Republican politician. No one on the New York Giants knew Dart would be participating in this event, including Abdul Carter, who publicly disagreed with his teammate’s cheesing next to a guy who was running the two-mans with Jeffrey Epstein at their friends’ kids’ Sweet 16s.
Read More: Jaxson Dart Introducing Donald Trump At a Rally Is Good News For Giants Fans
I don’t suggest any NFL QB stump for the man doing the Iran War unprovoked. Emails open for anyone in need of PR suggestions. Here’s another one: don’t take suggestions from unknown bloggers. Unless you pay them. I am not cheap.
Cam Ward vs. Concussion protocol
Brian Daboll spamming QB draws to save his sweet Jersey mansion left rookie QB Jaxson Dart hearing the sound of his brain thumping, vision blackening as Daboll drags him out of the blue medical tent—Brian Burns got a strip sack, ball on the opponent’s 48, and Daboll loves his Jersey country club. Bite this belt and run the QB draw again.
Now the Tennessee Titans OC, tasked with unlocking the 2025 no. 1 pick Cam Ward. Same level of pressure as New York. Cam Ward doesn’t ascend and Daboll’s gotta move to Bama, coaching teenagers who make more than him.
Daboll is at home right this second, drawing up new, fantastic ways to slam Cam Ward headfirst into a brick wall.
Jordan Love vs. His Mutant Ability Prohibiting Collar
Jordan flashes brilliance, effortlessly—same game, an interception—stared down the cornerback and underhanded a dodgeball at his chest—the wide receiver fell to the ground 20 yards ago—it’s just Jordan Love launching a Nerf ball across the pool to a DB. “Does he have a concussion?” behavior.
Whatever holds Love back from unleashing his powers, even if it means leading the NFL in interceptions, the 40+ passing touchdowns will heal the cuts—must be overcome so Jordan can fulfill his potential as the next magically reckless Green Bay Packers QB.
Kirk Cousins vs. The Good Guy Routine
Kirk Cousins signed a 1-year $11m contract to start all 17 games for the Las Vegas Raiders. He’ll be nice to Fernando Mendoza, never know if Netflix has him mic’d up, snitching. Cousins will have no problems pointing out, detailing every mistake he sees Fernando make in practice.
Kirk is not in Vegas to watch Fernando Mendoza play football.
First time NFL head coach Klint Kubiak is only 2 years older than Kirk. He’s about to get talked down to by a Man of the Lord if he tries to bench him for that kid who would go in the 11th round if he entered the draft a year later.
Read More: Ceiling/Floor: Las Vegas Raiders Hire Klint Kubiak as Head Coach
Malik Willis vs. Racism
The Miami Dolphins have not set up their new quarterback for success. If Malik Willis grew up in a household where his parents told him he needed to work twice as hard as his white peers, they were wrong. Malik will need to be, like, 5-times better than his white counterparts or this is his last starting gig.
And you can’t go back into the real world, not with that fake ass Liberty University diploma. That’s a pre-req for dishwashing these days.
Brendan Soresby vs. The Roulette Table
Godspeed, Worm.
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