WHAT THE FUCK DID Y'ALL DO ALL SUMMER?

I spent the entire NFL offseason bragging about Daniel Jones’s progression, the new offensive weapons, and an improved defense. The New York Giants spent the offseason doing absolutely fucking nothing and were stomped out by the Dallas Cowboys 40-0 at home in the 2023 season opener on Sunday Night Football in front of all of the hoes.

But while I spent the offseason convincing myself, and everyone around me, how great this team was going to be, the team itself, spent the offseason doing absolutely fucking nothing.

After Sunday night’s 0-40 embarrassing blowout loss to the Dallas Cowboys, I have to ask if this team practiced one time. What were they doing all training camp?

On the first drive of the game, the Giants marched to the Cowboys 8-yard line. Andddd then the game ended and the Giants would never do another positive thing for the remainder of the night.

It started with an Andrew Thomas false start on 3rd on 2.

Cowboys Micah Parsons changed the entire complexion of the game against the Giants with his presence & intimidation alone!

It’s 3rd & 2 on the Cowboys 8 yard line and Parsons gets LT Andrew Thomas to false start, to make it 3rd & 7…the rest is history #DallasCowboys pic.twitter.com/lXfg0xlAgJ

— Kevin Gray Jr. (@KevinGraySports) September 11, 2023

Then the rookie center, John Michael Schmitz, skidded a snap across the turf sending the Giants even further back.

A very bad snap got away from the New York Giants pic.twitter.com/ESUUKBJUNf

— www.promotionkingdk.com (@PromotionKingDK) September 11, 2023

And finally, another atrocious snap on what should’ve been an easy, routine field goal attempt led to a blocked field goal returned for a touchdown.

The Giants had a great start and then a bad snap led to this FG attempt… BLOCKED AND RETURNED FOR A TD.

That’s football pic.twitter.com/TCx7JEAOAA

— Bussin’ With The Boys (@BussinWTB) September 11, 2023

The game was over after the first drive. Brian Daboll’s Coach of the Year award is looking really crazy in the light.

We’re going to look back at that trophy as one of the worst mistakes since Green Book won Best Picture over Roma in 2019.

It feels it—regardless of who the GM is—this organization has no idea how to put together an offensive line. Micah Parsons had his hands around Daniel Jones’s neck the second he snapped the ball.

Daniel Jones was pressured on 66.7% of his dropbacks which was the most in the NFL.

13.6% more than any other QB.

— Bobby Skinner (@BobbySkinner_) September 11, 2023

WHAT ARE WE DOING?

Daniel Jones was the worst quarterback of the week but how can anyone succeed when there are linebackers chokeslamming them into the Earth’s crust every time they drop back to throw the ball?

Really might need to move Evan Neal to guard.

He was made into a right tackle after being a left one in college. He really might need to change positions again. pic.twitter.com/TUfvNukuOV

— Doug Rush (@TheDougRush) September 11, 2023

Jail time, Evan Neal. Prison.

Here’s what Daniel Jones did behind the worst offensive line ever constructed:

15-for-28 passing (53%)
104 passing yards
0 touchdowns
2 interceptions
sacked 7 times
8.4 QBR
32.4 passer rating

Disgusting. The fuck are you guys doing at that practice facility all day long? Brian Daboll, you are my 13th reason why and this is your tape.

Where was Kayvon Thibodeaux? Where was Leonard Williams? Sterling Shepard and Azeez Ojulari had the same number of tackles. My stummy hurts.

No one—from the players to the coaches to the executives—should have Monday off.

They should all be strapped to chairs with their eyes wired open, Clockwork Orange style, forced to watch every single second of this abomination.

It was as if they didn’t know the 2023 NFL season was starting until, like, an hour before kickoff. And no one on the team had seen or even thought about the game of football since the final whistle at the end of last season.

I don’t even want them to take the field next week. They don’t deserve to waste anyone’s time or money with this level of play.

There are local JV football teams showing more heart than the New York Giants.

There are people putting more effort into setting up their fantasy football lineups than these actual football players are.

Burn this entire team to the ground and start from scratch.

Fire everyone.

Cut everyone.

Cancel the fucking season.

Thanks for reading. This one is for my Roma-Heads out there. We deserved that Best Picture.

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