Welcome to The Pipe Bomb, where we discuss the latest news and events from the wrestling world, both inside and outside the ring. This week, let’s book AEW without Toni Storm and mock this whole Danhausen thing.
Life without Toni Storm
AEW will be without one of its biggest stars, Toni Storm—out the remainder of 2026 for undisclosed reasons.
Good for her, honestly.
She teased a program with Thekla but this may lowkey be the best case scenario for AEW.
Toni Storm needed a break, giving fans time to miss the schtick.
When her music hits in 2027, the cheers may break the sound barrier.
But this forces Tony Khan to put a spotlight on the other, neglected women on the payroll.
Time to get creative.
Wrestling in 2026, in both major promotions—a risk-averse, creatively vacant enterprise.
Both Tony and Triple Hitler unable to develop new, innovative stories, lacking the will to surprise audiences with fresh challengers, and most importantly, new winners.
If your name’s not MJF, Adam Page or Will Ospreay, you’re on your own, man.
So let’s run through some ideas to fill the, like, 5 minutes of women’s airtime left behind in Toni Storm’s absence.
Call up Athena
I’d run an Athena/Willow series, starting next dynamite.
Athena and her minions jumping the newly solo Willow Nightingale, Athena calling her shot for the TBS belt.
Their match at ROH Death Before Dishonor 2023, an instant classic. The chemistry is unrivaled. One of the best matches of the 2020s.
This is the perfect opportunity to put over both Athena and Willow—a feud where both these women swap the title back and forth—neither of them able to get back-to-back victories over each other.
Perhaps a 60-minute Iron Woman match to main event a PPV.
All Out is always a weird show after All In.
Might be the perfect time to structure the show around the two hardest-hitting women in the company.
ROH still needs a vet champ to replace, would’ve loved to see Lady Frost in this role before her contract expired.
Persephone, already holding the CMLL Women’s World Title, double-strapped up with the Ring of Honor belt, would go hard for the real sickos.
I understand Athena wants to break championship reign records and her match against Maya World last week proves why she’s so valuable for that ROH brand—but it’s time for the big leagues.
We need hoopers on the main roster. We cannot allow all of this TV time to go to Harley Cameron.
We can’t.
Pass the ball to Jamie Hayter
On Saturday’s Collision, Jamie Hayter and the Brawling Birds spoke in front of the live audience—instead of backstage or narrating video packages.
First thing out of Jamie’s mouth, a reassurance to Mina Shirakawa that she had nothing to do with the attack that knocked Toni Storm off TV.
Interesting.
At Double or Nothing 2023, Toni Storm beat Jamie Hayter for the AEW Women’s championship, ending her 190-day reign, due to suffering two herniated disks that kept her out of the ring until her return at All In 2024—almost 18 months later—where Hayter confronted Saraya in front of all the Londoners.
Cool moment for that pale, rock-chested vampire but Jamie Hayter never once received a rematch. She never wrestled Toni one-on-one again.
She’s wrestled in a 4-way against Toni, Kris and Thekla, Kris winning her first world championship.
Hayter then faced Kris in a “Can Kris prevent Jamie from hitting the Haterade” match—but Jamie’s never gotten her revenge on Toni or a real title program following her injuries.
Well it’s 2026, Jamie looks healthy as hell and from all her squash tag matches with Alex Windsor, Jamie isn’t necessarily playing some babyface sweetie pie.
A monster rests within the Scooby Doo veil.
I know the Bird (with Mina) are set to face the Triangle of Madness this week on Dynamite but I’d have Jamie look like a star on Wedensday best I can.
Let her get all her shit off and maybe the Sisters of Sin cheat or whatever.
Jamie Hayer vs. Thekla at Double or Nothing, strap up Jamie Hayter, and as her reign continues, each week, she reveals more and more that she and Alex Windsor are actually dickheads.
Maybe Alex Windsor gets into it with Willow for the TBS title and instead of the Brawling Birds being relegated, demoted to the tag team division, they’re actually a 2-woman Power Trip, pounding women and talking that cash shit after their domination.
They’ve already established a little rivalry between Hayter and Mercedes for last year’s Owen Cup tournament.
That’s your big women’s title match at All in 2026.
Jamie Hayter, the baddest bitch in the company vs Mercedes Mone, the newly humbled superstar who’s had every belt on the planet except the AEW Women’s World Title.
Push the Britt Baker button
The biggest problem with losing Toni Storm is the lack of women who can grab a mic and sell a fight.
Mercedes Mone can wrestle her tiny little ass off but her bored-toned, valley girl-accented, unfocused promos do not make me excited to see her wrestler.
Maybe, if Mone comes back as a face, loses the amorphous, vague, “CEO” title and speaks more as herself—how she really feels about being in AEW with the opportunity to travel the world, inspiring a new generation of women—she will be better on the mic.
(I think she’s gonna come back talking the same way with the same character but just to more applause, like, she’s not changing shit, unfortunately)
Britt Baker can chat a bit, from my memory.
I mean, it was so long ago.
In fact, I’d have Mercedes Mone’s return to Dynamite interrupted by Britt Baker.
The match that had Britt on Twitter defending every single decision she made in the match—with accompanying gifs and video clips. Always a good idea to go onlline claiming your stinky poo poo match was not your fault, thus implying it’s Mercedes’s, the woman AEW is clearly building their division around. The tactical brain of a dentist.
At the very least, fans will want to see her lose.
One of the biggest women’s division problems is the lack of women to eat pins.
Britt can return, give Mercedes a layup and bring that heat to maybe give someone like Kris Statlander to beat. Baker could be the heel no one likes and no one minds seeing lose.
But Britt can’t come alone. A major part of her success was Rebel as her little sniveling sidekick. Deonna Purrazo mentioned wanting to team with Baker. Sure. Tony Khan can warm up the PJ to pick up all these women sitting at home, fly them into Dynamite this Wednesday to lose.
Shit, you want to get real heat, have Britt Baker return and claim she is the one who attacked Toni Storm.
Britt Baker deserves to be on TV losing weekly. She’s earned that.
Match of the Week: Tommaso Ciampa vs. Austin Ace
Ciampa, my apologiez, unfamiliar with your game.
You couldn’t get me to watch NXT if ’98 Stone Cold Steve Austin were champion.
I remember what they did to Bryan Danielson. Fuck The Miz.
But Tommaso Ciampa is a legit hooper.
I could make the argument Ciampa’s had the match of the week every week since his arrival.
I could also make the argument he should have the TV title instead of Kyle Fletcher—especially if Fletcher is having tag matches with the Don Callis Family while Ciampa’s putting on single bangers.
Tommaso Ciampa says he’s been in AEW for 56 days now… but even he knows the HONEYMOON PHASE IS OVER.
Now he’s coming after every Champion and Championship in the company.
pic.twitter.com/siVifqrmx6— Drainmaker (@TheDrainmaker) March 26, 2026
Fortunately, it looks like the gold is on the way.
In the meantime, he and Austin Ace casually murdered each other on a random Saturday night.
ACE AUSTIN AND TOMMASO CIAMPA ARE GOING CRAZY #AEWCollision pic.twitter.com/we0roylJ5O
— The Wrestling Haven (@WrestlingHaven_) March 29, 2026
Promo of the Week: Jon Moxley learning Will Ospreay
Jon Moxley says Will Ospreay’s injury was his own fault for getting into an Unsanctioned Cage Match
“I will never stand between a person and the consequences of their actions… Will Ospreay got exactly what he asked for.”#AEWCollision
— WrestlePurists (@WrestlePurists) March 29, 2026
“I will never stand between a person and the consequences of their actions.”
BARS.
Real quick, shout out the Death Riders using their guaranteed TV time to help mold the tag team division, setting up SkyFlight and Private Party for title contention once Edge and Christian are done reliving the same Groundhog Day over and over where they fight FTR and we talk about how Edge trained them and let them sleep in their house and the same shit they’ve been doing since Edge arrived many moons ago.
WWE Nonsense of the Week: Fucking Danhausen
Admittedly, I’m on social media less than the younger me.
I truly do not give a shit what anyone thinks.
Why was I spending so much time scrolling past the musings of nobodies brand building through hyperbole, mess and slop?
My parents didn’t raise a loser.
Anyway, in my brief travels across the social media path on my way to work, I’ve noticed a sudden surge of love and adoration for this fucker:
Debuting at Elimination Chamber—emerging from a large wooden shipping crate to dance with backup women dressed in his makeup—WWE fans cannot get enough of the man showing up backstage and “cursing” people.
Much like WWE’s other new AEW signee, Powerhouse Hobbs, Danhausen’s yet to wrestle a single match.
I’m not here to yuck anyone’s yum.
I’d be silly and immature to believe every single form of entertainment should be built around my own personal preferences.
I’d also have to be silly and immature to spend any of my daily allotted energy hyping up the wizard twink whose greatest talent is being friends with CM Punk.
There’s nothing wrong with comedy acts.
I like Harley Cameron’s hand puppets.
Dalton Castle is my guy.
But, I don’t know, maybe I’m a caveman but I watch wrestling for wrestling, not for child-targeted side splitters.
This is content for babies.
WWE is a company that’ll embrace the Trump administration and all of the faux-mascilinity the pedophile prince and Pete Hegseth promote.
They want “men to be men” again, while feeding them entertainment that keeps them in arrested development.
If WWE has fully turned itself into QVC for Dude Wipes, Slim Jims and Logan Paul juice then it makes sense they embrace a character whose sole function is to get you to stick around between commercials so you can catch his wacky hijinks.
Get your money, Danhausen. Here I was thinking professional wrestlers needed to wrestle when all along, they just need facepaint from the local summer carnival and a personal relationship with the guys at the top of the call sheet.
Shit, even Disco fucking Inferno got in the ring.
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