162-game season, too large a sample size. All I need is one (1) game to draw my conclusions.
Must outperform the machine.
John Henry vs. AI.
So what others may call “overreactions”, I call diagnoses. The data is more than sufficient to make declarative statements.
Here are 3 truths I’ve gathered from MLB opening day 2026
This is the greatest rookie class of the 2000s
2001 birthed Albert Pujols—Ichiro took the redeye from Toyoyama to pick up the MVP trophy.
2015, draped in All-Stars, Kris Bryant, Carlos Correa, Francisco Lindor, Corey Seager, Noah Syndergaard, Kyle Schwarber.
- Mets RF Carson Benge: 1 homer, 2 walks, 2 stolen bases
- Phillies CF Justin Crawford: 2 hits, 1 run
- Tigers 3B Kevin Kevin McGonigle: 4 hits, 2 doubles, 2 RBIs
- Cardinals 2B JJ Wetherholt: 1 homer, 2 RBIs
- White Sox 1B Munetaka Murakami: 1 homer, 2 walks
9 for 18 with two doubles and two homers.
Decent.
Blue Jays starting pitcher, Trey Yesavage—postseason bonus XP-farming.
Mets starting pitcher Nolan McLean—jumped by Italian-Americans in the World Baseball Classic, welcome to NY, an Olympic-level player nonetheless.
The future is now, old man.
We’ve evolved past the umpire
A new challenge system, allowing hitters and pitchers to challenge ball/strike calls—an overnight success.
Something Wicked This Way Comes (for umps).
16 for 26 in challenges for a 62% success rate.
Umpires are wrong 6 out of 10 times.
The machine is right 10 out of 10 times.
Fatal blow to boy scouts, hall monitors, teacher’s pets and snitches.
Another career for dweebs lost to progress.
“You should make TikToks.”
yuck.
Godspeed.
The Mets are the best team in baseball
June 12th, 2015: 45–24—the best record in MLB at the time and the second-most wins through the first 70 games in franchise history.
Missed the playoffs.
Finished 38–55 the rest of the way, 3 unique losing streaks of 7+ games.
Mets front office fumigated the building, expelling all losers from the premises.
Pete Alonso, Jeff McNeil, Brandon Nimmo, Edwin Diaz, outgoing.
Marcus Semien, Luis Robert Jr, Bo Bichette, Freddy Peralta in.
Professional assassins.
Paul Skenes, the best pitcher in baseball, corpse picked to pieces, Mets lineup, one-by-one, surgically dissecting his every pitch, knocking him out in the first inning. Skenes has a 67.50 ERA thanks to the Mets.
This is the 40 year anniversary of the Mets last championship team.
We are witnessing a team of destiny.
If you enjoyed what you read, head over to our Substack. We’ve got more content making fun of the ridiculous world we live in, sent directly to your email inbox daily.
Follow us over on TikTok, Twitter, Facebook or Instagram. Or shoot me an email at Deadseriousmailbag@gmail.com. Let’s chat, bay-beeeee.
