thelesterlee
This is one of my favorite times on the NFL calendar. I love quarterback competitions. Teams go through the entire offseason without truly finding a QB1 so they have to make a bunch of backups slapbox for the starting role.
Kirk Cousins is typically the Mendoza line that indicates if you’re at risk of entering a season with a QB battle. If your quarterback is better than Kirk, you’re in the clear. But if you’re quarterback is worse than Kirk then you are about to make two scrubs wrestle for the opportunity to stink all year.
Here are the 5 funniest quarterback battles heading into the 2023 NFL season:
1. Mac Jones vs. Bailey Zappe
Mac Jones will most likely be the opening day starter for the Patriots but Bill Belichick has made Jones’s entire NFL career needlessly as difficult as possible so I could see him electing to go with Bailey Zappe solely out of spite for Mac.
This quarterback competition is particularly hilarious to me because Bailey Zappe looks like an actor hired to play Mac Jones in a CW TV series. Imagine you go to work and you’re asked to train a new guy who looks like an AI-generated version of you.
2. Sam Howell vs. Jacoby Brissett
Sam Howell had one start in his rookie year last season. He completed 11 passes for 169 yards and a touchdown. He beat the Dallas Cowboys.
That’s a big W for Howell coming into year 2 but unfortunately, he’s a Commander which means his career is over before it started. Maybe he can be like, the next Patrick Ramsey. It’s all about setting attainable goals.
Jacoby Brissett will start games this season. He always does. No one wants him to be QB1 but he always ends up jogging onto the field. Every single year. Sam Howell shouldn’t feel job security with Brissett behind him.
Regardless, both of these guys are astronomically better than the strange Carson Wentz project the Commanders tried last season.
3. Brock Purdy vs. Trey Lance vs. Sam Darnold
We’ve got ourselves a triple threat match in San Francisco after Brock Purdy manifested from the clouds to lead the 49ers to the playoffs last season following Trey Lance blowing his leg out as soon as the season started.
And the 49ers weren’t convinced either of those guys were worthy of starting Week 1 so they brought in Sam Darnold to really shake shit up.
We’re entering Trey Lance’s third NFL season and I still have no idea if he’s good or not. We just watched Brock Purdy march the 49ers to victory after victory and I still have no idea if he’s good or not.
I know Sam Darnold isn’t good though. Like, I can say with complete confidence Darnold ain’t it.
4. Baker Mayfield vs. Kyle Trask
Words can’t describe this battle. We need film:
Bucs’ QB competition between Baker Mayfield and Kyle Trask is underway 👀
(via @kyle_burger)pic.twitter.com/vSeF74P0IN
— Bleacher Report (@BleacherReport) May 30, 2023
Art.
Baker Mayfield has lost TWO starting quarterback jobs so far in his career. Both Cleveland and Carolina gave him a shot and both times they were disappointed in him and somehow he continues to get opportunities. The Rams traded for him to replace Matthew Stafford in a year they weren’t trying to win games and now he’s being asked to take over for the greatest quarterback of all time.
And he might lose another job to a guy with 23 career passing yards. I have no idea when I “peaked”. I’m hoping it hasn’t happened yet. We all know Baker Mayfield peaked in college and that’s kind of sad but also funny as hell because everyone knows it but him.
5. Tua Tagovailoa vs. Doctors
For some reason, Tua Tagovailoa continues to play football despite frequently waking up in hospital beds with no memories of the brutal concussions he keeps suffering. When healthy, Tua is a Top 5 QB in the NFL surrounded by the best talent and coached by an offensive mastermind.
But healthy Tua rarely makes an appearance and the health issues in question are traumatic brain injuries that will 1000% lower his life expectancy. We’ve seen how insane players act when they develop CTE. If Tua gets another concussion this year then we should keep police surveillance on his home for the rest of his life because he is for sure going to do some WILD shit one day as his brain leaks out of his ears.
Which quarterback competitions are you guys keeping your eyes on? Leave a comment below. Respond on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram. Or shoot me an email at Deadseriousmailbag@gmail.com. Let’s chat, bay-beeeee. Let’s make fun of dumb NFL franchises.
