Okay Josh Giddey, Please Don't Fuck Anymore Little Girls

Josh Giddey simply fell for the wrong girl. It’s happened to all of us. We meet a girl we like and our rose-colored glasses shield us from all the obvious red flags. For some, it’s clinginess or perhaps substance abuse. One time I fell for a girl who I’m still to this day, convinced could not read.

For Josh Giddey, it was a girl who needs her parents to sign a permission slip for her to go on the 8th-grade school field trip.

On Thanksgiving morning, everyone woke up, grabbed their phones, opened Twitter/Instagram, and saw videos of Josh Giddey hanging out with a high school girl and the girl claiming they were dating.

All of those original posts are deleted now.

I’ve had some weird Thanksgiving Eve nights but it never ended with me in bed with a girl studying to get her driver’s permit.

Fast forward two months and the Newport Beach Police have finished their investigation into the adult NBA player banging the local high school honor roll student and determined they will not press any charges against Giddey.

Here’s what the police said about their investigation:

“After a thorough and exhaustive examination, we have completed our investigation into information that was circulating on social media involving Josh Giddey. Our detectives have reviewed all of the available information and were unable to corroborate any criminal activity related to Mr. Giddey.”

Perhaps Josh Giddey is a free man because he told the police he thought the girl was 19 years old and broke up with her immediately after finding out she still watched Nick Jr. every morning. Gottaaaa help Steve figure out Blue’s Clues.

Even though she and her friends looked like they had just left the school auditorium on picture day, I guess the police believed Giddey’s statement.

There were also reports that the girl’s family refused to cooperate with the investigation so it was Giddey’s word against no one’s.

I’m sure her family wanted to protect their young daughter from being the face of NBA Twitter jokes for the rest of her life. Kids make mistakes and sometimes think it’ll be cool to sleep with the Australian guy on the Oklahoma City Thunder without thinking it’ll ruin both of their lives because every dumb teenager has to put EVERYTHING on Snapchat.

Josh Giddey dropped off a briefcase full of cash to the family to make this all go away.

Either way, I’m glad this is all over.

I could no longer pretend to give any shits about a 20-year-old humping a 16-year-old and acting as if he is some evil pedophile because conspiracy theorists have popularized labeling anyone and everyone as such. Aaron Rodgers just went on ESPN and implied Jimmy Kimmel was on Esptein’s island. We’ve completely lost the plot on all of this.

No, Josh Giddey should not have missed NBA games or gone to prison for this. He should have been treated like a weirdo we make fun of occasionally.

Josh Giddey might be a liar and maybe bribed a family but most importantly, he’s a loser who had sex with a girl going to junior prom this year and we should never stop making fun of him for this, regardless of what the law says.

Thanks for reading. Go ahead and sign up for the D, the daily Deadseriousness newsletter and don’t miss out on exclusive new content.