NBA Power Rankings: Anthony Davis is BACK and the Celtics are Pretty Decent or Whatever

Welcome to Deadseriousness NBA Power Rankings where we don’t just rank who the best teams are. You have access to the standings. You can see very easily who the best teams are. Not sure why you need this site to rank them for you.

This week, Anthony Davis comes alive, Ben Simmons looks healthy and PJ Tucker completes the heist of the year.

7. The atrocious American justice system

This whole Josh Primo situation has been super disappointing. Every leak of new information has made the San Antonio Spurs look disgusting and out of touch. At first, I reluctantly wrote about the Primo stuff because it originally sounded like a teenage kid making a gross mistake and immediately being punished for it. Open and shut. Everyone can learn from what happened and move on.

Then we learned that the team psychologist that Primo exposed himself to had complained to the Spurs organization several times and was ignored every step of the way. This week, it was reported that this lawsuit was settled.

And now this woman will always be perceived as someone who just wanted money and ruined this kid’s career for a settlement when in reality, she went to school to become a sports psychologist and was not only sexually assaulted at her job but was told to shut up and go back to work. She reported Primo NINE times. Nothing happened.

Fuck the Spurs.

6. Kevin Knox

I’ve already written a whole article dedicated to the week Kevin Knox is having so you can go read that for more info but I just want to take this time to use my platform to highlight any and all Knicks-related victories. I have to pick a player on the Pistons for that because the Knicks aren’t actually winning anything these days.

5. Sacramento Kings

The Kings are in the midst of a 6-game win streak beating the Warriors, Nets and Cavs on their way to somehow having one of the best offenses in the NBA. De’Aaron Fox has finally emerged as the star guard we all thought he was capable of being. He’s averaging 27.7 points with 6 assists and 5.7 rebounds this week.

Turns out, teams play better when they add guys who can shoot. Kevin Huerter and Malik Monk can just sit on the 3-point line ready to go as Fox and Sabonis run their unstoppable pick n roll all night long. Harrison Barnes is, uh, doing shit too I guess.

4. Anthony Davis

The Lakers stink this season. LeBron James is out with a busted groin. But Anthony Davis has remembered that he was supposed to be a Top 5 player in the NBA and decided to remind the league what he’s capable of.

ANTHONY DAVIS

pic.twitter.com/LKRf08jJau

— Hoop Central (@TheHoopCentral) November 8, 2022

Davis is back to actually jumping over people when it looked like his vertical leap had escaped him. He’s back to sinking jumpers when it looked like he was shooting with a medicine ball. He still can’t hit 3’s but no one on the Lakers can. Those LA jerseys must feel like weighted jackets.

3. Ben Simmons

Ben Simmons has been the butt of every joke for the last 365 days. People have called him every single insult they could conceive of without any context like how he injured his back last season and a player who’s almost 7 feet tall having back injuries is typically a career-ender.

Ben Simmons scored 20 PTS on a perfect 8-of-8 from the field and 4-of-5 from the FT line!

He’s shooting 82% over his last 6 gamespic.twitter.com/XPx8eZ4eut

— Ballislife.com (@Ballislife) November 26, 2022

He’s finally back to attacking the rim and is no longer afraid of drawing contact and going to the free-throw line. Here’s what Simmons did on Friday night against the Pacers:

34 minutes
20 points
8-for-8 shooting
6 rebounds
3 assists

He’s still obsessed with fouling out of games and the Nets keep losing but at least Ben is scoring more than the next player in these power rankings.

2. PJ Tucker

This summer, the Philadelphia 76ers signed PJ Tucker to a 3-year/$30 million contract to reunite the old Houston Rockets with GM Daryl Morey and kind of washed James Harden. 19 games into the season and the Sixers are barely above .500 and PJ Tucker is a cardio All-Star.

Tucker played in 4 straight games without recording a single point. Then he exploded against the Hornets with an amazing 3-point performance before once again scoring 0 points on Friday night against the Magic. $30 million to jog up and down the court. A legend.

1. Boston Celtics

The Celtics are far and away the best team this season. They lost a 9-game win streak to the Bulls and then promptly slaughtered the Dallas Mavericks on national TV to help solidify Jayson Tatum’s MVP case over Luka Doncic.

Boston has mastered this new strategy of bringing in brand new head coaches every season and making the Finals. Ime Udoka humping everyone in his line of sight was the best thing to happen to the Celtics.