Kirk Cousins is a Bitch

It has been my pleasure to make fun of Kirk Cousins for the majority of his career.

He was drafted by a terrible organization that hated him but they were forced to continue to franchise tag him because they never planned an alternative all leading to Kirk getting the largest guaranteed contract in NFL history from the Minnesota Vikings despite being unbelievably average at football.

Cousins has now evolved from dopey, mediocre, perennial loser to evil conservative asshole who is putting other people’s lives at risk because he refuses to get a quick coronavirus vaccination at the local clinic.

But these worms don’t care about saving people’s lives but you’d think Cousins would at least care about his Vikings teammates and not costing them wins due to covid ineligibility but nope.

Here’s a Kirk Cousins press conference in which he details all the ways he plans on avoiding close contact with other people to prevent contracting covid instead of, ya know, getting the fucking vaccine:

Kirk Cousins, who isn’t vaccinated, says he’ll continue to follow all protocols, the team is getting a bigger QB room so he won’t be a close contact & he might even put plexiglass around where he is in the facility. Says key is to not be a close contact. pic.twitter.com/4PwJaVuJHa

— Ari Meirov (@MySportsUpdate) August 5, 2021

Yup, the solution is plexiglass and not just the vaccine that takes about 1 second to receive. Cousins has claimed that it’s against his religion to get the vaccine because it’s god’s will or whatever. Just amazing that religious conservatives have had zero problems taking medicine literally their entire life but now suddenly god doesn’t want them to take this one specific medicine. Ok.

Let’s take a closer look at Kirk’s religion by looking at what his father preaches:

Kirk Cousins’ dad believes that Satan is behind textbook changes, cancel culture, efforts to remove Confederate statues, and the current [Black Lives Matter] platform in “pro sports.”

This is where he gets his ideas from. pic.twitter.com/VSnExkgfyo

— Resist Programming 🛰 (@RzstProgramming) August 5, 2021

This should fill in all the puzzle pieces for the type of guy Kirk Cousins truly is. He is not some goofy aw-shucks innocent geek. His father runs a church that seems to have nothing to do with god or spirituality but is more focused on repeating Tucker Carlson Fox News nightly talking points.

There is no real reason to get the vaccine unless you have a pre-existing condition or currently use a prescription that wouldn’t work with the vaccine in your system. Otherwise, you’re either lazy, unable to discern when you’re receiving political propaganda or you are a selfish bitch like Kirk Cousins.

And real quick for all of the ‘you can still catch covid after you get the vaccine’. First, yes, for now that is the case. The vaccine significantly reduces the chance of dying from a plague that has killed over 4 MILLION PEOPLE worldwide.

Second, if everyone gets the vaccine then there will be no one left to catch the virus from. That’s the whole fucking point of all this. Everyone cried about being locked down and quarantined while a vaccine was being developed. The vaccine has been here for 8 months and no one will take it while covid numbers begin to spike again.

Congrats to guys like Kirk Cousins and Cole Beasley who have tricked others into believing that this is an issue of ‘individual freedom’ when in actuality it’s a display of vanity and narcissism.

Just take the fucking medicine, you dorks.