Wife Beater Throws Perfect Game

On Wednesday night, the Yankees beat the brakes off the Las Vegas A’s 11-0 and Domingo German threw a perfect game.

DOMINGO GERMÁN HAS THROWN A PERFECT GAME FOR THE YANKEES‼️

(via @Yankees)pic.twitter.com/z9vnVhRtwA

— SportsCenter (@SportsCenter) June 29, 2023

German threw a perfect game with only 99 pitches.

That’s unbelievable.

Most starting pitchers can’t get through 5 innings without breaking 100 pitches.

Baseball is so weird sometimes, man.

One night, you lose 2-1 to the worst baseball team ever assembled.

And the next night, a pitcher with a 5.10 ERA throws a Maddox.

In German’s last start, he gave up 10 runs on 8 hits and threw 4 pitches that were rocketing into the bleachers.

Couldn’t make it out of the 4th inning.

Fast forward a week and now his curveball is making batters knees buckle like Nolan Ryan.

The last perfect game was thrown by King Felix Hernandez in 2012.

Domingo German and King Felix should not have their names in the same sentence, especially regarding on-field achievements but here we are.

Domingo also deserves credit for pitching a perfect game the same week his uncle passed away.

“Unfortunately, two days ago an uncle of mine passed away and I cried a lot yesterday in the clubhouse,” German said through an interpreter. “I had him with me throughout the whole game. I was thinking about him and it happened.

Just an incredible culmination of events.

German coming off one of the worst starts of the season.

His uncle passed away before the game. The A’s are dead last in hits and runs scored.

Everything came together for a perfect game.

What a comeback story.

A guy who was suspended 10 games earlier this season because he was caught with too much sticky stuff on his fingers heroically rejoins the team and throws a perfect game and we all pretend like he for sure, without a doubt, used the appropriate amount of sticky stuff even though, yea, he has a history of trying to cheat.

I wish the sticky substance suspension was the reason I felt icky celebrating Domingo German’s perfect game but nope, he’s a far worse guy than that.

The man slapped the shit out of his wife IN FRONT OF ALL OF HIS TEAMMATES at a gala event and was so violent, the woman had to lock herself in a room.

She had to stay with another player’s wife until German calmed down.

Major League Baseball suspended him for 81 games and the Yankees decided to keep him around. It was probably best to keep him employed so he doesn’t blame his wife for losing the job and try to retaliate with more violence. It’s a gross situation for everyone involved.

I wouldn’t say I necessarily care about this anymore.

Nothing that happened pre-pandemic matters.

Everyone has changed.

Millions of people died.

I have long hair and like, a small self-diagnosed heart murmur thingy now.

I’d be lying if I told you I was still concerned about Domingo German’s personal life.

No one should constantly be reminded of the worst mistake in their life.

I understand that.

German seems to have done the work to make amends and the team accepts him back.

Cool.

But when I see him throw a perfect game and be celebrated like he deserves this, my stummy hurts.

Just feels like there are so many talented athletes who deserve an opportunity to pitch at the big league level and the guy with an ERA over five, who publicly used his wife’s face as a punching bag in front of all of his coworkers at a work event shouldn’t have even been allowed on the mound for an opportunity to throw a perfect game.

But the part of my brain that’s a Yankees fan is excited about this win.

The perfect game is dope and congrats but this team played nearly flawless defense for the first time in a long time.

It feels like once a game, there is some misplayed ball or drop or an outfielder takes the longest route to a flyball possible or someone throws it to the wrong base and a run scores.

Good for the Yankees.

Good for Domingo German or whatever.

Let’s hope this leads to more dominant pitching performances and fewer spouse piledrivers so I can enjoy this team without feeling nasty.

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