Colin Kaepernick Could Save The Rock's Career

Last week, it was announced that the XFL and USFL will be merging to form one super-Spring football league.

“If the transaction is consummated, the new league will establish best-in-class operations based on the most recent seasons of both leagues,” the leagues said. “This historic combination will anchor professional spring football with substantial capabilities and resources to ensure future growth and continue to enhance the development of the collective players, coaches, and staff that are coming together.”

This is huge news for the owner of the XFL, The Rock, who desperately needed a win following the collapse of the house of cards he has been bench-pressing inside for the last decade.

The Rock had been working on his passion project. Since going into production in the mid-2010s, DC’s Black Adam had been in development hell losing money and directors and writers and overall interest from the studio all while The Rock was desperately piecing it all together.

Black Adam finally came out last year. It only grossed around $390 million which is peanuts for a superhero movie. It made less money than Puss In Boots and Sonic The Hedgehog 2. Dwayne Johnson was supposed to take the reigns over at DC Studios but the keys were instead handed to James Gunn whose first order of business was to cancel all previous DC projects leaving the Rock’s Black Adam in the trash.

Actually, the whole Black Adam situation is even messier than I’m describing.

See, Black Adam is a tertiary comic book villain who is Shazam’s arch-nemesis. The Rock didn’t want Shazam because he didn’t like the tone of those movies.

He wanted a dark movie and he wanted to set up a fight with Henry Cavill’s Superman so he went over DC Studio execs’ heads and went right to the Warner Bros CEO begging for Superman. He made a cameo in the credits. It really didn’t matter.

At the end of the day, no one gives a shit about Black Adam and in 2023, no one gives a shit about The Rock. Putting Dwayne Johnson in a movie does absolutely nothing for the box office. His movies stink and he isn’t HIM anymore.

You know you took an L when you go on Twitter and start listing arbitrary numbers and stats.

Waited to confirm with financiers before I shared this excellent #BlackAdam news – our film will PROFIT between $52M-$72M.
Fact.
At almost $400M worldwide we are building our new franchise step by step (first Captain America did $370M) for the DC future.https://t.co/GBIgsbtnkq

— Dwayne Johnson (@TheRock) December 7, 2022

These are the types of weird tweets Nicki Minaj sends at 4am while she’s chewing on pills screaming about all of the no. 1 records she used to get. Save these tweets for the investors meeting, man.

Looking craaaazy for Dwayne.

Oh, and his NBC series Young Rock was canceled this year.

OH, and his marriage was cancelled too as he and his wife/agent/business manager divorced.

The sky is falling for Dwayne. He’s down so bad he even returned to a wrestling ring last month.

THE ROCK AND PAT MCAFEE GIVES AUSTIN THEORY THE PEOPLE’S ELBOW. 🔥

WHAT A MOMENT ON SMACKDOWN. 😗

(🎥: @PatMcAfeeShow)pic.twitter.com/9j221AosQ4

— theScore (@theScore) September 16, 2023

Last year, he was rumored to be Roman Reigns’s opponent at Wrestlemania 39. The entire story was leading up to it. Roman Reigns was the leader of the Bloodline and the Head of the Table but he’s in the same bloodline as The Rock who is the real head of the table and The Rock elected not to participate in fear it would damage his brand.

Well look at where we are now. What fucking brand, Dwayne?

But with the XFL and USFL merging, perhaps this is The Rock’s opportunity for a much-needed win.

Recently, Colin Kaepernick wrote a corny letter to the Jets begging to be their quarterback after Aaron Rodgers went down with a season-ending injury. There’s a 0% chance Kap ever plays in the NFL ever again but if he’s still interested in playing QB, I know a league ran by the star of San Andreas could really use some star power and name recognition.

The XFL/USFL will never have real success just from the lack of great football players in the world. There isn’t a big international pool of players. It’s only America.

And look at the NFL right now. There is so much bad football being played. The XFL/USFL has a pool of players who are worse than the shitty backups on NFL sidelines.

Signing Colin Kaepernick could give them hundreds of thousands of eyes Day 1. I doubt Kap is still good considering that the last time he threw an NFL pass PRINCE WAS STILL ALIVE. The last time Kap threw a pass, The Rock was still successful.

Come save my baby boy, Colin. The Rock is one L away from wrestling Hollywood Haley J over at OVW.