Tuesday night, the 2026 MLB All-Star game. Not the most exciting game in baseball history, one team overwhelmed at the plate, pressure didn’t make many diamonds. But New York Yankees star outfielder Cody Bellinger threw the first, loudest punch. 2 RBI first inning. MVP as the AL wins 4-1 over the NL.
Belli & Ben get the A.L. Team on the board 👏 pic.twitter.com/7keRwlUc0X
— New York Yankees (@Yankees) July 15, 2026
Despite the bore, the 2026 MLB All-Star Game was a big event, and with every big event, there are winners and there are certainly losers.
Let’s start with my boys uptown…
Winners: New York Yankees
First inning, bases loaded, the Yankees boys back-to-back—Cody Bellinger a two-run single. Ben Rice, a one-run single.
Duh.
AL up 3-0, thanks to the contributions of the Bronx Bombers.
Once again, for the millionth time, the New York Yankees carry the American League.
Winner: Cody Bellinger
Ben Rice made his first playoff appearance. I pray he cherished every minute. 21-year-old Cody Bellinger—the 2017 NL Rookie of the Year—made his first All-Star appearance almost a decade ago. Missed the club sophomore season. Made it back the next year. 2019, 47 homers, 1.035 OPS Okay. We’re so back.
Didn’t make his third All-Star appearance until this week.
The Dodgers designated Bellinger for assignment in 2022. Left for dead 4 years ago, revived by a short porch in left and the death of the shift—Cody, in the midst of a brutal slump, clocking in/clocking out, shrug, turn to the camera, “it’s a living”—hopefully re-energized by returning to the All-Star festivities, surrounded by greatness, face-to-face with the fans in awe of his and his coworkers super powers—brings some life back into an Aaron Judge-less Yankees lineup desperate for the former NL MVP to electrify the stadium while Knicks fans burn down downtown. Down.
Today, an All-Star Game MVP trophy to add to his wall of awards, to be presented at the feet of the baseball gods, to be judged for entry into baseball eternity. And hopefully the baseball writers vote him into the Hall.
Winners: Phillies fans
“They don’t boo nobodies”, the episode title for Tuesday night’s home run derby, Phillies fans jeering anyone not wearing the home kits. Philadelphia vs. everyfuckingbody.
The vibes were vibing at the function. Some leave their couches to go sing, dance, cheer, celebrate. Phillies fans leave their couch to scorn, despise, detract. Lot of that this All-Star break.
Good for them. Phillies fans, don’t let outsiders tell you how to behave in your city. If y’all want cheers so badly, come play for the Phillies.
Losers: Phillies players
Jacob Misiorowski and Shohei Ohtani icing their shoulders—hometown hero Cristopher Sanchez got the start. Shame he didn’t bring the strike zone into the All-Star game with him, 5 baserunners and 3 runs allowed in the first—got jumped at his own crib in front of all his hoes.
Future Hall of Famer, Bryce Harper, mic’d up during his at-bat against Guardians reliever Cade Smith, choked on shit.
“That’s disgusting guys. Sorry about that”.
Bryce Harper was mic’d up during his strikeout against Cade Smith’s nasty splitter 😭 pic.twitter.com/zTYLqD6MLX
— MLB (@MLB) July 15, 2026
The Phillies excited the fans, then underperformed. First time for everything.
Winner: AL Pitchers
American League pitchers combined to strike out 15 batters—one shy of the All-Star record.
Only 3 hits allowed—2nd lowest total ever.
Reminder, Kyle Schwarber Juan Soto and CJ Abrams and Freddie Freeman were at the plate, drowning. 10 of the 11 AL pitchers used recorded a strikeout.
This game was borderline unwatchable after the first inning…
I want all Yankees fans to recognize this is what we’re up against. These are the arms coming at New York, nightly. If an ALL-STAR TEAM can’t do shit, how is Anthony Volpe supposed to swim in these waters?
Loser: Riley O’Brien
AL pitchers are all Cy Young chasing, meanwhile, St. Louis Cardinals closer Riley O’Brien tried to get some fly shit off on the AL MVP frontrunner and nearly broke his bones.
Junior Caminero left the game after being hit by a pitch in the hand pic.twitter.com/gVuzV9XCbH
— Talkin’ Baseball (@TalkinBaseball_) July 15, 2026
Riley O’Brien tried to throw a sinker, a pitch he typically throws into the dust, perfectly painted in the corner, up and in on Junior Caminero—styling and profiling for all the hoes watching—naturally lost the grip and just pegged Junior with a fastball on the knuckles in the middle of an exhibition game.
[Patrick Ewing voice] Do you practice that shot?Loser: Junior Caminero
You never want to get injured on your off day.
Winner: Chicago White Sox
The Chicago White Sox lost 100 games last season. They’re tied for first place of the AL Central at the break.
They went from “the owner needs to meet Luigi Mangione at 5am on a crowded Midtown Manhattan boulevard” to “They have several MVP candidates and every coach and exec deserves Best ___ of the Year trophies”.
Shout out Munetaka Murakami and the Montgomery brothers, all breaking out simultaneously. We love when top prospects and Japanese sluggers do the thing scouts say they’ll do.
At the finish line of a 3-hour commercial of Michelob Ultra and New Balance, White Sox slugger Miguel Vargas punched an 8th inning solo-homo to the bleachers to wake some shit up before everyone went home.
“That’s disgusting guys. Sorry about that”.
Bryce Harper was mic’d up during his strikeout against Cade Smith’s nasty splitter 😭 pic.twitter.com/zTYLqD6MLX
— MLB (@MLB) July 15, 2026
The 26-year old corner infielder made his first All-Star appearance, hitting a career high 21 homers with 59 RBIs (1 shy of his career high from last season)
The White Sox have the bones of a dynasty, popping early, right in time for a complete shutdown of the sport next season.
Winner: Jordan Walker
Man, that was one of the greatest home run derby performances ever. I’m strapping Stephen Miller down, forcing him to watch Jordan Walker smash home runs.
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