Myles Garrett no longer wants to be a Cleveland Brown. In a statement released on NFL.com, Garrett indicated his watch had ended as the reigning 2023 Defensive Player of the Year wants to play for an organization that didn’t put all their eggs in a basket full of holes and cum-stained massage sheets. Here’s what […]
I don’t think I can recall a ton of instances in which I moved overconfidently. My life has been an avalanche of L’s that has thrust humility upon me as I write jokes all day to a few thousand people who probably wouldn’t care if Deadseriousness stopped existing. I go entire days without even looking […]
I’ve watched a lot of football, mostly teams flying into Jersey and beating up the locals like Ronny and The Situation—but a lot of football nonetheless. The 2025 NFC Championship game between the Eagles and Commanders introduced a rule I had never considered existed. Philadelphia ran Washington out of the game with a 55-23 victory […]
The New York Jets have found their next head coach: Detroit Lions defensive coordinator, Aaron Glenn. Let’s gooooooo! OFFICIAL: We’ve agreed to terms with Aaron Glenn to become the Head Coach of the New York Jets. — New York Jets (@nyjets) January 22, 2025 Historic day for people who, for some reason, still think the […]
The no. 1 seeded Detroit Lions were eliminated in the divisional round of the playoffs this weekend following a 45-31 loss to the Washington Commanders. With the naked eye, it looked like Jared Goff was point-shaving as he could not stop giving the ball to the Commanders but we were actually witnessing the bond between […]
The Chiefs beat the Texans. The Commanders beat the Lions. The Eagles beat the Rams. And the Bills beat the Ravens. The 2025 NFL Divisional Round was both full of surprises and also exactly what should’ve happened. We had a lot of snow, a lot of Saquon Barkley and we even lost and got back […]
Last night I was waterboarded with crude AI images of some combination of Patrick Mahomes, Andy Reid and/or Travis Kelce cuddling up with the referees. Apparently, the NFL is rigged. The Kansas City Chiefs beat the Houston Texans 23-14, advancing to another AFC Championship Game with some eye-rolling calls randomly gifting the Chiefs chunks of […]
It’s difficult to win a Super Bowl in the National Football League. Every player, coach, exec, trainer, ball boy and bus driver has to be locked in on the mission at hand. You can’t have a wide receiver reading self-help books on the sidelines because he only caught 1 pass. As of right now, the […]
The 2025 New York Giants need a quarterback. You could make the argument the Giants have needed a quarterback since, like, 2016. But they absolutely need a quarterback next season after finally punting on Daniel Jones. Tim fucking Boyle played for the Giants this year. That’s rock bottom. So let’s look around the NFL world […]
I hate the Dallas Cowboys. They dominate national NFL coverage despite not being a genuine Super Bowl contender since I was watching Doug and Rugrats. Yet they still dogwalk my beloved New York Giants twice a year just to spite me, specifically. Dak Prescott has a dart board covered in photos of my beautiful face. […]
Sam Darnold came into NFL Wild Card Weekend looking to make a statement—to let everyone know that he’s a legit game-changing quarterback who deserves to be paid accordingly in the offseason. The Minnesota Vikings even caught a break as the game was relocated from the Rams home stadium to a neutral site thanks to the […]
2025 NFL Wild Card Weekend wasn’t the most competitive two days of football ever—especially after watching the College Football Playoff semifinals earlier in the week—but it’s the Wild Card round. Bo Nix was here. We were never going to get a weekend full of bangers. Anyway, let’s give out some awards for NFL Wild Card […]
As of right now, 6 NFL teams are without a head coach. The New York Jets, New Orleans Saints, Chicago Bears, Las Vegas Raiders, Jacksonville Jaguars and the New England Patriots are all coachless. I want to rank these NFL head coach openings based on where I myself would want to work. Feels like usually […]
The New York Jets would like everyone to know they are serious about finding their next general manager and head coach. They’ve gone as far as hiring an NFL blog as consultants in their search. These consultants have led them to interview names from Louis Riddick of ESPN to Ron Rivera, who was so awful […]
2025 NFL Wild Card Weekend is upon us and despite my beloved New York Giants being nowhere near advancing to the tourney, I think I’ll still watch the games. But not all football games are created equal. We learned that on Christmas Day. Just because two teams have great win-loss records doesn’t mean it’ll automatically […]
18 weeks later and it’s over. The 2024 NFL season is finally over. Remember week 1 when we all thought our teams could make the playoffs and then Bo Nix and Jayden Daniels came into the league and stole two playoff berths? Meanwhile, I spent the last 3 months watching the New York Giants lose […]
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