Peyton Hillis Should Win a Meaningless Award Because Girls Are Yucky

One of the last few enjoyments I get from post-Elon Musk Twitter is opening up the app and never knowing whose name is going to be trending and you certainly never know why. Today, people are talking about Peyton Hillis…

And unfortunately, I clicked his name and found myself scrolling through the most low-stakes culture war of all time.

The US Women’s National Soccer Team will receive the Arthur Ashe Coward Award at the ESPY’s next month.

.@USWNT to receive the Arthur Ashe Award for Courage pic.twitter.com/yai9XvbuM9

— ESPN (@espn) June 28, 2023

Again, no one actually gives a shit about the ESPY Awards but it’s the internet where guys go to complain about the existence of women.

The most overconfident dudes on Earth all come together to find brand new ways to let you know how much they hate vaginas.

Peyton Hillis is trending because earlier this year, he risked his life saving his son and niece from a massive wave that swept them up on Pensacola Beach.

Peyton almost drowned saving his family and needed to be airlifted to a hospital and placed on a ventilator in order to stay alive.

A great story that I totally forgot happened until every right-wing crybaby rushed to Twitter to campaign for him but uh, they probably should’ve considered campaigning for him like, before ESPN already named a winner.

ESPN says the Arthur Ashe awards goes to a  “member or group in the sporting world who makes a difference far beyond the field of play, impacting the world in indelible ways.”

The USWNT has been fighting tooth and nail to get the pay they deserve.

The entire women’s soccer industry has been built off their backs and their success.

This team took the US soccer federation to court over pay discrimination.

$24 million was paid out to the women’s team in a historic settlement.

Fighting for not only what you deserve but what future generations of players deserve could be seen as courageous.

Give them an ESPY, who cares?

Peyton Hillis played 7(ish) seasons in the NFL.

10 years ago.

He won the Offensive Player of the Week once.

Like, guys, of course Hillis isn’t winning this award.

If ESPN had a ‘Oh Wow You Saved Your Son From Drowning in the Ocean, Let’s Celebrate You Even Though No One Knows Who The Fuck You Are and You Sports Career Barely Even Happened’ award then Peyton Hillis would be pressing his suit and preparing his speech right now.

But this is an award show ESPN actually wants people to watch. Megan Rapinoe and Alex Morgan are stars.

Peyton Hillis is the answer to a sports-themed trivia night question at the local bar.

I’m not sure if Peyton Hillis is some outspoken conservative or if he’s beloved by that community simply for being a white running back—and those neanderthals were living out some reverse cuck dream through him—but it’s wild to care this much about an award show when you already know these same guys were going to find a reason to shit on because ESPN is suffering from ‘woke mind virus” or whatever.

I bet if you asked Peyton Hillis his thoughts on the US Women’s team winning this ESPY, he wouldn’t even know what you were talking about.

Clay Travis is going to be talking about this Peyton Hillis courage award snub for the rest of our lives.

Remember when Caitlyn Jenner won this very same Arthur Ashe Courage Award and conservatives wanted her head on spike?

Now she’s one of the most popular “thought” leaders for trans-hating bigots

I guess what helps me not waste any real emotion on this sexist concern trolling is remembering that these assholes are fighting over who should win an award named after Arthur Ashe—a black man who if he played together, would be treated even worse than these women’s soccer players because he was a proud civil right’s activist.

If Arthur Ashe was alive, these dweebs would be arguing why Peyton Hillis deserves the Arthur Ashe award over Arthur Ashe.

All I know is I will be watching the 2023 ESPY with a 12-pack of Bud Lights next to me while these lame men’s rights activists force themselves to be outraged about women wanting more money.

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