Belive it or not, the 23-31 Boston Red Sox are trying to win a championship.
The Boston Red Sox rank 29th in homers (42) and 29th in runs (208).
Their bats run on low battery mode, while in-division, the Yankees lead the league with 83 ding dongs—just shooting t-shirt cannons at the fans every night.
According to reports, Boston is looking for right-handed hitting.
Maybe someone like Alex Bregman—had the Red Sox re-signed him this past offseason.
1B Wilson Contreras was a smooth move. The righty leads the squad with a 153 OPS+, 11 homers and 33 RBIs.
The rest of their infield is cheeks.
Marcelo Mayer and Isiah Kiner-Falefa can’t hit.
Caleb Durbin, their big offseason acquistion, 39 OPS+—worst on the team. Sick.
So the Boston Red Sox need infielders with power, preferably right-handers.
Which teams are sellers this early?
The ENTIRE American League sucks. Which means the ENTIRE American League is still playoff eligible (including the Red Sox, only 3 games back of the Wild Card).
So let’s comb the NL and see if we can energize this sleepy ass lineup.
The Red Sox fired Alex Cora after 27 games.
They care about what happens this season.
Get Caleb Durbin the fuck out of here, yo.
1. Colorado Rockies SS Ezequiel Tovar
The Colorado Rockies suck still. 20-37. Last place in the NL West. Again. Their shortstop, Tovar, -0.3 WAR, 55 OPS+, basically the same as Trevor Story. The hope is you’re bringing a 24-year-old from a loser organization, providing him three healthy meals a day, transforming him into his best self.
It’s still May.
2. Miami Marlins 2B Xavier Edwards
The Marlins are only 4.5 games back in the Wild Card, so they’re probably not rushing to trade away their best hitter. But as long as the Marlins have existed, all of their players have been sold.
3. Texas Rangers OF Andrew McCutchen
Recently designated for assignment by the Texas Rangers, this is the exact type of right-handed hitter the Red Sox need to bring into their clubhouse. It’ll cost pennies. He’ll demonstrate a professional daily routine for the guys to emulate and maybe McCutchen can teach Roman Anthony how to fucking throw from the outfield.
4. New York Mets IF Bo Bichette
Once upon a time, one of the best hitters in baseball—now? Draped in Mets gear, handcuffed to Flushing, Queens, Bo Bichette’s lost the sauce.
The Mets are in dead last. One of the biggest collapses in baseball history last summer and team president David Stearns put together a team so bad they won’t need to worry about blowing the division lead.
I don’t believe the Mets are ready to pull the plug on this team of losers, especially as Juan Soto heats up at the plate.
But it’s not like Bichette signed one of those mega-long-term deals. After this season, the Mets only have Bichette on the books 2 more seasons. The Boston Red Sox could eat that.
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