9 Stray NBA Thoughts After The 2022 All-Star Break

It’s time for more stray NBA thoughts. We made it through All-Star weekend. Looked like we weren’t going to make it when Machine Kelly was bricking layups at the Celebrity game and Cole Anthony scammed us all and snuck into the dunk contest even though he appears to have never dunked a basketball a day in his life.

Steph Curry dropped 50 in front of his former high school hoes. Karl-Anthony Towns called himself the best big man shooter ever and then broke the scoring record in the 3-point contest. Michael Jordan stumbled drunk into the arena.

But there’s more basketball to be played. Here are 9 stray NBA thoughts after the all-star break:

1. LeBron is still the king

LeBron went home to Cleveland for All-Star weekend and spent the entire time manipulating the media. He declared himself the greatest of all time. He told all 30 NBA teams he is playing for whatever team drafts his teenage son. Told his agent to tell people he was upset the Lakers didn’t trade Russell Westbrook.

Capped the weekend off by hitting the game-winner in the All-Star game to keep Team LeBron 5-0 in All-Star game history and received a warm embrace from a very drunk Michael Jordan.

Michael Jordan and LeBron James share a special moment at the #NBA75 Ceremony.

Greatness. pic.twitter.com/wrRYwtGYzy

— NBA (@NBA) February 21, 2022

All hail the king.

2. Kevin Durant will never find peace

The ‘player empowerment’ era died the moment Kevin Durant signed his name on the bottom of a Brooklyn Nets contract. His decision to attach himself to Kyrie Irving and bring their talents to an organization whose entire philosophy is ‘good vibes only’ will end with one of the greatest basketball players in the history of mankind wasting the end of his prime winning zero championships alone in Brooklyn as Kyrie is busy in court changing his name to match his very minimal Native American roots.

Congrats to James Harden for removing himself from that team. Ben Simmons is in the midst of a mental health battle and he’s being placed into a team that’s supposed to win the championship but currently sits at the 8th seed. Totallyyy low pressure situation for a guy who had to leave Philadelphia because he couldn’t handle the pressure.

3. Nevermind what I said about the Celtics

Last stray thoughts article I called the Celtics irrelevant. Since I posted that, Boston has won 8 of their last 9 games almost as if to personally spite me. In my defense, I shit on this team when Enes Kanter was still on the roster. It’s amazing how much a team improves when the police is no longer in their locker room FaceTiming Tucker Carlson and Michele Tafoya.

4. Damian Lillard is a hostage

The Portland Trailblazers are deadset on guaranteeing Dame Lillard never wins a championship as long as he continues to be an Oregon resident. Trading away Normal Powell, Robert Covington and CJ McCollum for the worst player on the Clippers (Justise Winslow), the oldest player on the Jazz who just popped his tire and won’t play again this season (Joe Ingles) and Lonzo Ball’s old BFF (Josh Hart) is what some people might call dumb.

And somehow even after the deadline, Lillard still wants to stay in Portland forever to help win them a title or whatever lie he tells the press as the Allen Family holds guns to his family’s heads. #FreeDame.

5. It’s a wrap for Phoenix

Suns star Chris Paul has suffered a right thumb avulsion fracture and will be re-evaluated in six to eight weeks.

— Shams Charania (@ShamsCharania) February 21, 2022

Chris Paul is out for the next 6 to 8 weeks. This Phoenix shit has been cute and how clutch they are in the final 5 minutes and blah blah. It’s over. Sorry. Another year without Chris Paul getting a ring. HAHAHAHAHAHAH.

6. Tom Thibodeau cannot coach

I’ve already detailed my displeasure for Thibs’s weak-ass coaching strategy and his inability to make any adjustments ever. Elfrid Payton was the worst point guard in the NBA last season and he started literally every single game last season because Thibs is disgustingly loyal to whomever his starting 5 is on the first day of the season.

Obi Toppin won the dunk contest over the weekend. Hope Knicks fans enjoyed it because we won’t be seeing him on the court for longer than 60 seconds a night. How could he get any minutes when Taj Gibson and Nerlens Noel HAVE to get theirs.

7. Zion is a figment of our imaginations

There is nothing on planet Earth Zion Williamson enjoys more than having an injury setback. I don’t love blaming players for getting hurt. It’s always strange to me how willing people are to make fun of Anthony Davis for being injury-prone as if there’s anything he can do about it or like he’s being a pussy for not playing through the pain. Guys will call out of work when they get into a fight with their girl the night before but love making fun of professional athletes tearing ligaments.

THAAAAAAT being said, Zion is either A.) phoning in his rehab because he has no desire to play in New Orleans or B.) loves cinnabuns too much. Seems like a little of column A and a little of column B. Either way, Zion’s last priority is playing basketball.

8. Philly miiiiiight win the East

James Harden has the reputation of being selfish but his dash out of Brooklyn proves otherwise. With Durant nursing an injury and Kyrie out standing up for the assholes nationwide, Harden had the opportunity to return to his Houston hero ball form. He wanted absolutely nothing to do with that responsibility.

It’s crazy media people are still using the ‘there’s only one ball’ line every single fucking time two stars come together. The Orlando Magic only have one ball and they have no clue what to do with it. I’d deal with two stars over whatever is happening in Disney.

No doubt in my mind James Harden will have no problem taking a backseat to Joel Embiid in Philadelphia.