thelesterlee
Chris Paul and the Phoenix Suns have had a very awkward breakup. First reports said the Suns were waiving Paul then the next day there was a report saying they weren’t waiving him and wanted to find a trade for him. Andddd then they waived him the next day.
I think the Suns always planned on cutting CP3 but the story leaked earlier than they expected so they had to leak out they were searching for a trade—which they weren’t—to make Chris Paul feel better and not hurt his feelings.
The 38-year-old future Hall of Famer doesn’t have many years left in the NBA. The last time we saw him play, he scored 8 points in only 25 minutes because he left the game in the third quarter with a groin injury and never returned to the series. Another season ends with him injured on the bench making no impact at all.
Personally, I think Chris Paul should retire but I understand why he wants to keep playing. Last week, he went on a podcast and said his daughter was getting roasted at school because her dad can’t win a ring. CP3 is going to be in the NBA for the rest of our lives trying to chase a championship. So we might as well speculate where he plans on playing next season.
But let’s switch things up from what we usually do here. Instead of simply listing a handful of teams that should sign Chris Paul, let’s go through every single NBA team and determine whether or not they should sign him.
AND, let’s also try to figure out why (or why not) Chris Paul would even want to sign with all of these teams.
Here’s why each NBA team should (or should not) sign Chris Paul:
Denver Nuggets
Why they should sign him: They shouldn’t. Nikola Jokic does everything Chris Paul does but better because he’s a 2-time MVP who’s about to win the Finals and does significantly less penis punching.
Why he should sign there: Nikola Jokic has established himself as the best player in the NBA. Historically, the best player tends to win a few rings. CP3 attaching his elderly wagon to one of the greatest players in basketball history would give him his best chance at a title.
Memphis Grizzlies
Why they should sign him: No one knows how long Ja Morant will be suspended yet but Adam Silver is going on a press tour teasing a big disciplinary action. Imagine if you got in trouble at work for being late too many times or whatever and your boss went on every radio station hyping people up for your big suspension. Nasty stuff.
But anyway, the Grizzlies will need not only a point guard while the NBA forces Ja to join the military but this organization is in desperate need of an adult in the room. He can’t stop all of the lame TikTok dances they do but perhaps Chris Paul can slow them down.
Why he should sign there: I always hear about how plugged into the local community Chris Paul is. Well, maybe he can end his career doing the NBA Big Brother program. He can keep an eye on Ja and set him on the right path and hey, maybe when Ja grows up he’ll want to be just like his mentor/sponsor.
Sacramento Kings
Why they should sign him: This would lowkey be a genius signing for the Kings who took the defending champions to 7 games in the first round of the playoffs but ultimately lost because Steph Curry blacked out and dropped 50 on their craniums.
De’Aaron Fox needs playmaking help and the team in general could use a guy to help make better decisions on the court. Harrison Barnes should never be taking the final shot in a playoff game. Chris Paul wouldn’t let that happen.
Why he should sign there: The Kings are one of the only title contenders where Paul could actually start. The Fox/Kevin Huerter backcourt stinks. Huerter—the 3-point specialist—shot 20% from 3 in the playoffs. Those minutes go to Paul and maybe the Kings make it to the second round.
Phoenix Suns
Why they should sign him: There is a belief around the league that the Suns are waiving Chris Paul in order to re-sign him to a cheaper deal and save some dollars. I wouldn’t be shocked if he stayed in Phoenix next season thanks to some salary cap manipulation.
Plus, they don’t have a replacement for him. Letting him walk without getting anything back would be silly but this is the same organization where goats shit in the GMs office so they are not new to making silly decisions.
Why he should sign there: Moving suuuuuucks, man.
Los Angeles Clippers
Why they should sign him: Russell Westbrook walked onto this team after being bought by the Lakers and immediately made a massive impact. I genuinely believe Westbrook is washed but since Kawhi and Paul George joined forces, this team has been so desperate for a playmaking point guard that Russ was able to effect wins and losses in a way he wasn’t capable of doing on the Lakers.
Kawhi Leonard is my favorite player in the NBA and there’s nothing more frustrating than watching when he’s having one of those games and starts bringing the ball up the court himself and gains the responsibility of initiating the offense.
Kawhi needs a point guard he can trust so he doesn’t have to do everything. He also shot 42% on catch and shoot 3’s this season so having a point guard capable of giving him the ball right in his shooting pocket could unlock what this team is missing.
Why he should sign there: It’s time to come home. Chris Paul’s best years were in Los Angeles. He and Blake Griffin legitimized the entire organization. He’s going to be retired in a Clippers jersey. It’s time to come home and finish the story.
Golden State Warriors
Why they should sign him:
“It’s been that kind of game for Jordan Poole.”—Mike Breen pic.twitter.com/cSgo0ax0l0
— Kevin O’Connor (@KevinOConnorNBA) April 29, 2023
Why he should sign there: Are we ring chasing or are we ring chasing? Like, we can be cute about where Chris Paul should sign in order to position himself best to win a title but teaming up with Steph Curry and Draymond Green is the best-case scenario for CP3 to take home his first championship.
Los Angeles Lakers
Why they should sign him: They shouldn’t. Chris Paul annoys the hell out of me and the idea of him being both on the Lakers and LeBron James’s teammate, and getting 24/7 sports media coverage sounds like a nightmare. We cannot allow this to happen.
Guys like Colin Cowherd and Skip Bayless—ya know, guys who get paid exorbitant amounts of money to talk about sports they do not watch or read about—would spend weeks talking about this team while they battle for the 7th seed. Hard pass.
Why he should sign there: He shouldn’t. We saw how LeBron treated Carmelo when he was a Laker. It was like when your mom makes you take your little brother along with you to hang out. Like, it was some sort of burden to play with one of his better friends.
Chris Paul is going to be thrown under the bus after every loss and treated like LeBron’s lame nephew when they win.
Minnesota Timberwolves
Why they should sign him: In theory, Chris Paul is the best version of the Mike Conley prototype but I fear at this point in his career, “upgrading” from Mike Conley to Chris Paul is the equivalent of saying “I hate all of the clothes at Forever 21” and then going to shop at H&M.
Why he should sign there: He shouldn’t. No one should willingly sign up to become Rudy Gobert’s coworker. That guy 1000% brings leftover fish to microwave and stinks up the whole facility. Rudy is the guy who shows you memes from their phone and stares at you until you laugh. And the memes are never funny. Never.
New Orleans Pelicans
Why they should sign him: Outside of the Clippers, I think this would be the best landing spot for CP3. Last season, New Orleans took CP3’s Suns to 6 games without Zion Williamson and with CJ McCollum running point.
Every offensive possession for the Pelicans looks brutal. Imagine if they had an actual point guard on their team. Plus, Paul has always made the most of the big men he’s played with and he could potentially unlock a level of Zion’s game that his personal trainer, Moriah Mills, was unable to tap into.
Why he should sign there: Another potential homecoming. Chris Paul started his career in New Orleans. Think of all the potential Gatorade commercials when he’s back in a Pelicans jersey. He could be crowned the Smoothie King of the Smoothie King Center.
Oklahoma City Thunder
Why they should sign him: It feels strange to say after years of seeing this team at the bottom of the standings but OKC shouldn’t sign him. Shai Gilgeous-Alexander was on the All-NBA FIRST TEAM. Let that man continue to be the focal point of this team and get out of the way.
Why he should sign there: As players get older, it behooves them to latch onto the youth. He can’t play 40 minutes a game anymore so he could sign with the Thunder, let Shai and Josh Giddy do all the work and maybe he’ll just pop in for the final 5 minutes in the 4th quarter. He can be their Mariano Rivera.
Dallas Mavericks
Why they should sign him: Luka Doncic needs a playmaker next to him but for some reason, Dallas keeps grabbing point guards who are more focused on getting their own buckets. The most success Luka has had was with Jalen Brunson who is much more of a traditional point guard like Chris Paul. Guys like Kemba Walker and Kyrie Irving don’t have games that pair well with Luka’s.
Why he should sign there: Oh, he shouldn’t sign with Dallas unless Kyrie Irving suddenly retires this summer. I will never forget the story of Kyrie Irving going up to Brad Stevens and randomly asking him “what does government mean to you?”. Kyrie is the type of guy to pull your headphones out of your ear on the team bus and say “We are always trying to find where’s Waldo but what if he doesn’t want to be found?’ and then stare at you waiting for a response.
Utah Jazz
Why they should sign him: For literally my entire life, the Utah Jazz have been a playoff-caliber team. And they’ve built those playoff teams off great guard play from John Stockton to Deron Williams to Dante Exum to Donovan Mitchell.
The bottom of the West is weak and a Chris Paul-Lauri Markennen-Walker Kessler squad could sneak into the postseason and then who knows what could happen next??(they lose quickly in the first round).
Why he should sign there: He shouldn’t. Racism.
Portland Trailblazers
Why they should sign him: The Blazers and Damian Lillard have some peculiar blood oath. Like, they must’ve gone through something traumatic together and are forever bonded by the murder they witnessed so they have an undying loyalty despite, ya know, the actual on-court results.
So of course they’d want to pair Dame and Chris Paul. They can pretend as if they’re going to trade Lillard but they are married to each other until death do they part.
Why he should sign there: He shouldn’t. We watched Dame and CJ McCollum be two undersized guards lose year after year because they lacked the perimeter defense to stop anyone. At his big age, CP3 isn’t the type of guy you put next to Dame.
Houston Rockets
Why they should sign him: The Rockets suddenly have big plans. They hired Ime Udoka as their new head coach and are rumored to be targeting top talent like James Harden, Jaylen Brown and, uh, Dillon Brooks.
Why not throw money at Chris Paul too if they’re looking to be a contender again next season?
Why he should sign there: He shouldn’t. I’m fairly certain James Harden and Chris Paul hate each other so if Harden’s coming back then CP3 will be nowhere near Houston.
San Antonio Spurs
Why they should sign him: The best way to ensure Victor Wembanyama becomes the generational superstar everyone claims he’s capable of becoming is to pair him with high-IQ players. He needs veterans around him to build a culture of winning or else he’ll just be a big ass dude scoring 30 points a game in blowout losses.
Why he should sign there: Obviously, CP3 wants a ring but the other way to build his legacy is being attached to the Wemby story. There will be documentaries about this French freak one day. Chris Paul could be a big part of Wemby’s “Last Dance” doc in 30 years.
Milwaukee Bucks
Why they should sign him: The Milwaukee Bucks would kill for a backup guard who isn’t Grayson Allen or Pat Connaughton. Those guys should have spots on NBA rosters. Sure. But Giannis Antetokounmpo deserves a better supporting talent than the cast of Kids in the Hall.
Why he should sign there: If you can’t leech on Jokic’s dominance then Giannis isn’t a far fall from the top. He could take some offensive responsibility away from Giannis so he doesn’t do the bullshit he does in 4th quarters where he starts chucking jumpers because he’s afraid to be fouled and miss free throws.
Boston Celtics
Why they should sign him: Whether it’s Brad Stevens, Ime Udoka or Joe Mazzulla, the Boston Celtics offense always boils down to Jayson Tatum and Jaylen Brown isos leading to difficult contested shots and Boston’s season-ending without a ring.
Boston needs a player who can set the other guys up to succeed. It’s not Kemba. It’s not Kyrie. And it’s not Marcus Smart. Chris Paul could be the missing piece and a valuable piece to a championship. Signing with the Boston Celtics could save Paul’s legacy.
Why he should sign there: He shouldn’t. Racism.
Philadelphia 76ers
Why they should sign him: Why not? The Sixers blew it when they let Jimmy Butler leave for Miami. That was their window. If combining James Harden and Joel Embiid couldn’t get this team to the Conference Finals then Chris Paul won’t either but Philadelphia has no choice but to keep throwing shit at the walls.
Why he should sign there: See everything I said about James Harden.
Cleveland Cavaliers
Why they should sign him: They shouldn’t. Let Donovan Mitchell and Darius Garland cook.
Why he should sign there: He shouldn’t. It’s Cleveland, Ohio.
New York Knicks
Why they should sign him: They shouldn’t. Derrick Rose and Evan Fournier spent the whole season sitting on the bench wasting $32 million in cap space. At this point in his career, it makes no sense to add an even older and equally expensive player to replace them on the bench. Stop it.
Why he should sign there: If he wants front-row seats to the Jalen Brunson show then he should sign with the Knicks and take D-Rose’s spot on the bench. He also has a relationship with Knicks team president, Leon Rose, so maybe they can come up with some plan where CP3 plays 0 minutes but gets to be like, an assistant coach or water boy or something.
Brooklyn Nets
Why they should sign him: They shouldn’t. The Brooklyn Nets are in a weird transition phase. After trading Durant and Kyrie, the Nets have gathered a bunch of trade chips to play with and maybe acquire a real star down the road. Adding Chris Paul to pair with like, Spencer Dinwiddie makes no sense.
Why he should sign there: Thanks to the Kevin Durant trade, the Nets roster is full of the same Phoenix Suns players that got Chris Paul to the Finals for the first time. If he wants to make it back to the Finals, he should for sure shake up with Mikal Bridges and Cam Johnson again.
Atlanta Hawks
Why they should sign him: Trae Young seems like an unlikable ball hog who chucks up the worst shots and ruins possessions. Dejounte Murray seems like a front-running asshole who taunts and talks shit all game long. Let the Atlanta Hawks sign Chris Paul and become the most annoying team in NBA history.
Why he should sign there: He shouldn’t The Hawks aren’t winning a title anytime soon. But tune into the new Trae Young podcast!!
Miami Heat
Why they should sign him: Heat Culture©️
Why he should sign there: Heat Culture©️
Toronto Raptors
Why they should sign him: Fred VanVleet is most likely moving on in free agency this summer. They are going to need a new floor general and Chris Paul is in the perfect position to bridge the gap between this Paskal Siakiam/OG Anounoby team to whatever big splash they make to take them to the next level.
Why he should sign there: He shouldn’t. Sometimes it’s super awkward being in the same city as a guy who slept with the same woman as you. In the past year, Kanye has told us both Drake and Chris Paul banged Kim Kardashian. CP3 might not love staying in Drake’s town.
Chicago Bulls
Why they should sign him: Last season, DeMar DeRozan turned into Michael Jordan every 4th quarter when the Bulls made the playoffs but their real secret weapon was Lonzo Ball’s defense and decision-making with the ball.
Lonzo Ball’s career is over because he wore his dad’s sneakers made from cotton candy which destroyed his knees but the formula is there. Get this team a true point guard and they look like a completely different team.
Why he should sign there: Remember when the Bulls had Jimmy Butler, Dwyane Wade and Rajon Rondo and only lost in the first round because Rondo suffered an injury? The Bulls could recreate some of those vibes with DeRozan, LaVine and Paul.
Indiana Pacers
Why they should sign him: no.
Why he should sign there: no.
Washington Wizards
Why they should sign him: We saw a very similar Wizards roster get dragged to the playoffs off the back of Russell Westbrook triple-doubles. Chris Paul could have a similar effect if he joined this franchise.
Why he should sign there: The Wizards have a Big 3 of Brad Beal, Kristaps Porzingis and Kyle Kuzma. Realistically, why the fuck would anyone want to sign there?
Orlando Magic
Why they should sign him: Jalen Suggs was selected 5th overall in 2021. He averaged 9 points and shot 41% last season. Cole Anthony was selected 15h overall in 2020. He averaged 13 points last season. The guards this team has invested in haven’t quite shown up yet but in the meantime, why not throw Chris Paul in the middle of this squad and see if you can make the playoffs for the first time since 2010?
Why he should sign there: I believe Paolo Banchero is a 6-foot-10 Jayson Tatum. Obviously, Chris Paul doesn’t have many years left to wait for Paolo to blossom into a superstar BUT, a Paul signing could accelerate Banchero’s development.
Charlotte Hornets
Why they should sign him: They shouldn’t. The Hornets need a wing to pair with LaMelo. Hopefully, they can trade Gordon Hayward for a more valuable scorer on the perimeter. Chris Paul doesn’t make this team better.
Why he should sign there: He shouldn’t. This is a young team full of guards so he both wouldn’t get any playing time and wouldn’t be anywhere near a championship.
Detroit Pistons
Why they should sign him: The Pistons have become the lottery-picked big man graveyard. Get James Wiseman or Marvin Bagley in the pick-and-roll with CP3 and good results will follow. They could literally revive their careers with Paul.
Why he should sign there: Chris Paul and new Pistons head coach, Monty Williams, have a great relationship. It could see him wanting to help his pal establish a new culture in Detroit and maybe take Cade Cunningham under his wing.
Where do you guys think Chris Paul should sign? Leave a comment below. Respond on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram. Or shoot me an email at Deadseriousmailbag@gmail.com. Let’s chat, bay-beeeee. Let’s figure out where this perennial loser is playing next season.
