Welcome To America: Victor Wembanyama's Team Beat Up Britney Spears

Standing at 7-foot-5 and going no. 1 overall in the 2023 NBA Draft, the French phenomenon, Victor Wembanyama, is going to find himself the center of attention everywhere he goes. Sometimes it’ll be random fans bothering him and other times, it’ll be pop music legends like Britney Spears who try to get too close and end up being handled by his security team.

Let’s let TMZ tell us what happened this week between these two mega stars:

Britney Spears was allegedly assaulted Wednesday night in Vegas, after a member of NBA phenom Victor Wembanyama’s security backhanded her in the face, and she has filed a police report.

The incident went down at Catch restaurant in the ARIA Hotel around 8:30 PM. Britney, along with her husband, Sam Asghari, and 2 others went to the restaurant for dinner. She was swarmed by fans as she entered the casino.

Britney and co. walked over to Catch, and as they were entering the restaurant, Britney spotted Victor. We’re told she’s a fan and went over to him to ask if they could take a photo together. She tapped him on his back, right shoulder and, we’re told the Director of Team Security for the San Antonio Spurs — the team that drafted Victor last month — instantly backhanded her, causing her to fall to the ground … knocking her glasses off.

Victor Wembanyama’s first week living in the United States and his security team BACKHANDED BRITNEY SPEARS.

It’s impossible not to feel bad for Britney Spears here.

She had her life controlled by a conservatorship where someone else was in charge of all of her decisions and finances.

One of the biggest stars in history and all she could do was post SOS-style cries for help on Instagram in all of those strange as hell bikini videos she where she looked like the only meal she was allowed to eat was Camel cigarettes, crushed caffeine pills and of course an apple a day to keep the doctor away.

She is finally free and back on the streets of Vegas with her new husband having a nice night at Catch. Probably going to have her steak well done since she never learned how to order food at restaurants while she was essentially chained to a radiator and was only allowed to see sunlight walking to the car taking her to the next performance she wasn’t getting paid for.

And before she gets to ask the waiter to bring out ketchup for her steak, she stumbles upon Victor Wembanyama hunched over trying to stand inside of a building without smashing his head on the ceiling lights.

In her mind, she was welcoming the new star to the United States.

Unfortunately, in the mind of his security team, she was attacking their cash cow and she needed to be eradicated.

Typically, I’m against getting the police involved but nah, put that security guard behind bars. There have been too many nights out when I’ve seen security guards aggressively manhandle women for no reason other than their pure excitement at the chance to beat up a chick.

There’s a 99% chance the security guard recognized Britney Spears and smacked the shit out of her anyway.

As far as Victor Wembanyama goes, I hope he’s more like Tony Parker than Tim Duncan.

I’ll never forget when Tony Parker got a black eye at the club because someone threw a bottle at his face in the middle of a Drake and Chris Brown fight. Or when Tony Parker shad an affair with Brent Barry’s wife and just kept showing up to practice every day smiling in his face like he wasn’t French baguetting his lady.

Tim Duncan is one of the most boring humans walking the planet right now. I am praying Victor Wembanyama turns into Tony Parker and this is only the beginning of the messy garbage he’ll end up in. If Britney Spears is his starting point then I can’t wait to see what headlines he’ll be in after he makes his first All-Star game.

Keep Victor Wembanyama and Doja Cat away from each other before someone gets hurt.

(But also introduce them to each other right now).

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