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Von Miller is Surrounded By Crazy Women

All Von Miller wants to do is make wayyy more money than he currently deserves and pummel every pregnant woman in his line of sight

von miller

The Buffalo Bills go into Week 5 sitting a 3-1. They have an AFC-leading +39 point differential and although they just got bloodlet by the Baltimore Ravens, Buffalo still looks like a genuine Super Bowl contender.

35-year-old Von Miller, has revitalized his career. Miller has a sack in all 3 games he’s played this season.

In his prime, Von Miller was a superstar. At one point in time, you couldn’t make it through an NFL Sunday without getting jumped by a bajillion Von Miller commercials. That boy loved Campbell’s Soup.

Miller was everywhere, winning two Super Bowls with the Broncos and taking home a Super Bowl MVP trophy. The man competed on Dancing With The Stars before he was washed. That’s unheard of for that show.

But the NFL has just suspended Von Miller for 4 games, reminding us all he’s actually a total loser who shouldn’t be on a football field anymore.

Last November, Von Miller turned himself into the police on suspicion of assaulting his pregnant girlfriend. Apparently, Miller escalated an argument by strangling her, pulling out a patch of her hair and stomping on her laptop.

Miller’s girlfriend didn’t press any charges and they both claimed the whole situation was blown out of proportion. It was simple lover’s quarrel where the linebacker attempts to murder the mother of his children. Don’t see the big deal.

I’m glad she didn’t press charges. This fight was probably her fault. I’m sure she started the fight with the 6-foot-4, 230-pound breadwinner.

All he did was strangle her and rip hair out of her scalp. It happens.

That wasn’t even the first time Miller abused a pregnant girlfriend. In 2021, police investigated another domestic issue between Von and an ex. But don’t worry. Von Miller said she was just a ‘crazy ex’ so nothing to see here.

It sucks all these crazy women keep coming into Von Miller’s life, forcing him to beat the pulp out of them. Leave Von alone.

And now Miller has to sit out 4 games without pay because girls keep getting themselves beat up around him.

This week, Buffalo flies into Houston for a big matchup against the Texans. Let’s see how the Bills do without Von thrashing pregnant women across the room like the Incredible Hulk did Loki.

 

 

 


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When will these insane chicks leave poor, innocent Von Miller alone?  Leave a comment below. Respond on TwitterFacebook or Instagram. Or shoot me an email at Deadseriousmailbag@gmail.com. Let’s chat, bay-beeeee. 


 

Written by thelesterlee

Creator of Deadseriousness. Diehard Knicks, Yankees and Giants fan who wants to create a sports and pop culture space that isn't the same copy and pasted AI content you see everywhere else.

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