The Pipe Bomb: Cody Rhodes Died For Vince McMahon's Sins

Welcome to The Pipe Bomb, where we discuss the latest news and events from the world of wrestling, both inside and outside the ring. This week we got Cody Rhodes doing the ultimate job and why it’s all Vince McMahon’s fault

I’m dusting off the old Pipe Bomb. WWE has forced my hand. Some WILD shit going on behind the scenes over there.

The Rock steals Cody’s moment

If you’re reading The Pipe Bomb, I imagine you already know what’s going on in the wrestling world but I’ll recap why Friday night’s Smackdown was some real bullshit.

In 2016, Cody Rhodes left WWE following years of being treated like the ugly stepsister. He was a glorified jobber. Cody’s father is one of the greatest professional wrestlers ever while Cody was a straight-up loser and his brother was a horny drag queen with a stutter.

Cody spent years on the independent scene slowly transforming himself into an undeniable draw. He dyed his hair blonde and turned into a superhero who always had a hint of evil in him. He’s Superman who’s one bad day away from ripping Lex Luthor’s head clean off his shoulders. Like, the inevitable Cody Rhodes heel turn is going to hit the streets like crack.

He then helped create the second-largest wrestling promotion in the world and used his return to television as a way to re-establish himself as a star to a new audience. He was very clearly auditioning for WWE and it worked.

WWE brought him back and instantly presented him like he was the biggest deal in wrestling. They fed him to Seth Rollins, their most reliable and loyal company man. And I don’t want to make it sound like Cody was handed something he didn’t deserve.

Cody Rhodes lost a titty for this. He is the ultimate carny who has dedicated his adult life to becoming the face of WWE and winning the Undisputed WWE Universal Championship.

He won the 2023 Royal Rumble and was set to main event Wrestlemania 39 against Roman Reigns. On Wrestlemania night 1, the Usos lost the tag titles to Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn. The Bloodline was coming to an end. Cody pinning Roman would’ve been a pivotal shift for the company’s future.

Oh, and then on night 2, Roman Reigns did the thing he’s done for 3 consecutive years: he won via interference and put an end to all of Cody Rhodes’s momentum so he can keep his title reign going even though it doesn’t even matter since he never shows up on television and only wrestles like 4 times a year. Roman Reigns is an imaginary character with an imaginary title reign with zero stakes.

So after biding his time all year with Brock Lesnar and The Judgement Day, Cody was once again given a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity: Another Royal Rumble victory and an automatic title match at Wrestlemania.

Cody won back-to-back Royal Rumbles and made it very clear he was coming after Roman Reigns.

And then Friday night in Alabama happened…

Full promo segment of The Rock, Roman Reigns and Cody Rhodes on #SmackDown pic.twitter.com/SiiWonZcMG

— Ahmed/The Ears/IG: BigBizTheGod 🇸🇴 (@big_business_) February 3, 2024

Roman Reigns starts by shitting on Seth Rollins and the World Heavyweight Championship to essentially hype up how much more important both he and his universal title is. Okay, nothing wrong with this.

Yet.

Then Cody comes out and continues to talk up the value of Roman’s championship while once again reminding the audience about his father’s history with the title and how much it means to the Rhodes family.

Hell yea, hype this match the fuck up. It’s Wrestlemania 40. We’re finally finishing the story. Cody Rhodes will meet his destiny.

Oh, and then he says he’s not challenging him at Wrestlemania and The Rock comes out to challenge him instead while Cody Rhodes awkwardly walks off like Charlie Brown after Lucy moves the football for the thousandth time.

WWE took the title away from Cody once again but this time, he doesn’t even get to be in the main event.

The Rock—the 51-year-old man whose Hollywood career is shriveling before his eyes and his football league had to be saved by a merger after only one season—is coming back to wrestle for the first time in a decade to have what I can only imagine will be one of the worst matches in WWE history. Last time The Rock wrestled John Cena, it was a pile of shit. The Rock got a hernia and his quad fell off.

What are we doing? This is elder abuse.

When The Rock had his Icon vs. Icon match against Hollywood Hulk Hogan at Wrestlemania 18, Hulk Hogan was 49. THE ROCK IS TWO YEARS OLDER THAN HULK HOGAN WAS WHEN HULK HOGAN WAS WAY TOO OLD TO BE WRESTLING THE ROCK.

What is going on?

See, this is why Cody Rhodes should have beaten Roman at Wrestlemania 39. This Rock vs. Roman story would be just as big of a draw without the championship. It makes no sense for this to even be a title match.

Not only did they play with Cody Rhodes but they’re playing with our intelligence as well. With CM Punk out with an injury, it’s safe to say Cody Rhodes is going to challenge Seth Rollins for the Heavyweight Championship at Wrestlemania but why in the fuck should we care about this title match after Cody told us his main goal is to beat Roman and Roman just told us that Seth’s championship is for babies?

There is only one thing that could explain the sudden need for The Rock to be thrust upon us at this very moment and it has everything to do with Vince McMahon being the worst human on Earth.

Vince McMahon gets stuck in traffic(k)

From 2019 to 2022, Janel Grant, a former WWE employee, was sexually assaulted and trafficked by Vince McMahon. Grant recently filled a lawsuit against Vince which as of this week, has turned into a federal investigation.

Grant alleges Vince offered her $3 million to sign an NDA and never mention the details of their relationship. Super normal behavior. Totally not a move by an elderly man freaking out over what he did to that woman. I typically slide women briefcases full of cash along with a pen and a contract they must sign after I’ve worked with them. Ya know, standard procedure.

Vince McMahon resigned from any and all affiliations with the WWE, thanks mostly to Slim Jim refusing to sponsor the Royal Rumble. SNAP INTO A SLIM JIM, WITH HER CONSENT OF COURSE.

Let’s focus on Janel Grant for a moment. She and Vince met in 2019 when Grant had recently lost her family and was struggling financially. They lived in the same building and Vince decided to do charity work and offer Grant some BS administrative position with a $75k a year salary.

It sounds like it didn’t take long for Vince to immediately exploit her emotional and financial problems by forcing her to perform some nasty ass sex acts including defecating on her face while she was performing a sexual act on another WWE employee. Vince used sex toys he personally named after WWE stars and quickly groomed her into his own personal sex slave he would send to sleep with his buddies.

Oh, and after years of abuse, the only reason the relationship ended was because Linda McMahon found out so he fired Grant, gave her $3 million and an NDA.

Janel Grant shares a story about how little Vince valued her as a human being and how she would scream for help because Vince was so physically aggressive and rough with her. She cried after one encounter and Vince didn’t let her leave his apartment until Janel could verbally promise she wouldn’t tell anyone what he did to her.

Janel Grant is one of MANY women who have accused Vince McMahon of rape but it feels as though her relationship with Vince was particularly brutal because that’s what happens when a man gets away with committing these atrocities for so long and then sells his company to TKO for a bajillion dollars.

Apparently Vince was making Janel Grant sleep with Brock Lesnar which is why Brock wasn’t in the Royal Rumble and most likely won’t be back until WWE decides to play in our faces again and bring him back when they feel like we forgot.

And now WWE is attempting to distract us with The fucking Rock. In 2024.

Shout out to Triple H and everyone on the board who knew enough about Vince McMahon’s behaviors and continued to praise Vince and attempt to maintain his reputation. I will never forget Stephanie McMahon coming out and leading a Vince chant AFTER HE WAS REMOVED FOR RAPING WOMEN.

All I can do is pray Vince McMahon falls in the shower and spends the rest of his life as a brain-dead vegetable in the hospital.

Cody Rhodes will never get to win the championship to honor his father because Vince McMahon can’t stop raping women.

Everyone watch AEW instead. I don’t suspect this will ever happen with Tony Khan. I get the feeling he’s never been alone with a woman. And never wanted to. We need more incel CEOs.

Random Stray Thoughts:

It’s time for Chris Jericho to ~~retire~~ start wearing a shirt in the ring, man. This Wednesday, Chris Jericho, Jeff Hardy and Rob Van Dam wrestled on dynamite. Only one of them won. Can you guess who? Yea, the one who looks like he eats dinner for breakfast.
Swerve vs. Hangman is the biggest story in professional wrestling and maybe the most important following the AWFUL MJF title run. It’s a perfect reset and AEW is doing a phenomenal job indicating to the audience who we should care about in 2024. I give them a lot of credit moving Adam Cole and his goofy geeks lower in the card where they belong.
I love this little cold war between Bryan Danielson and Eddie Kingston. Eddie congratulates Bryan Keith for signing with AEW after their match on Saturday’s Collison, Bryan Danielson marching down to the ring to big bro Eddie and acting like a far bigger star is incredible storytelling. Danielson truly is the GOAT, man. He’s so good at this.

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