thelesterlee
The Bachelorette is BACK.
It feels like I went 2 straight years with nonstop Bachelor programming and then all of a sudden this franchise took an extended hiatus and I had to like, go outside or read books or something else lame and productive.
I can’t do Love is Blind anymore. I need one person being chased by 20+ clout chasers and rose ceremonies and Jesse Palmer being the face of a franchise about falling in love even though he’s super divorced.
Charity Lawson is the best pick for this season.
There are 20 dudes who are all varying levels of scammers attempting to trick this girl into allowing them to stay on television another week and gain more followers and a potential Bang Energy brand sponsorship in the future and she is the perfect level of naive to be duped by the most obvious of con men.
A guy like Aaron B for example—who talks as if he’s going over his lines before an audition to co-star in a Hallmark romantic comedy.
It’s extremely clear this man isn’t genuine but for some reason, his pretending to play the keyboard for 30 seconds reallyyy worked on Charity.
And that’s why Charity is the perfect Bachelorette and she is going to be fooled like, 9 different times.
Cannot wait.
Winner of the Week: Brayden: the giddy dork
Speaking of being fooled, there’s Brayden who looks like his roofie dealer’s number one customer.
Even though Brayden looks like he’s the ‘do you need a ride home?’ guy to the drunkest girl at the bar, he still managed to convince Charity he’s a good guy and even got a kiss for his efforts.
A kiss he would spend the remainder of the episode telling everyone about.
At first, you could make the argument he was simply excited to have vibed with a girl he likes.
Cool.
But as the night progressed, it was clear he was being way too chatty about it and wanted every single guy in that building to think they were in second place behind him.
When the idea of Charity finding out about him kissing and telling became a reality, Brayden went with the “I’m just a dorky guy who’s giddy about kissing a beautiful girl” excuse.
Unfortunately for Brayden, we all saw the season preview both before and after the episode and we’ve seen the size of his earrings. We know who you are, bro.
But he ended up with the first rose of the season going back to my point that Charity is the perfect Bachelorette.
There are no red flags if you’re color blind.
I’ll patiently wait for girls on TikTok to pop up about their relationships with Brayden.
I’ll see your ass at the reunion to see you try to explain whatever evil shit they’re about to accuse you of.
Loser of the Week: Charity’s brother, Nehemiah
I’m sure when the producers approached Nehemiah with the idea of going undercover and being the bartender for the guys on the first night, he thought it would be a great way to help weed out the creeps or find out which guys are there for the wrong reasons—which is the worst type of person you can be on a show like this.
Instead, he just spent the night with 22 guys who want to bang his sister.
And the little bit of juicy info he thought he had about Brayden telling anyone with ears about his makeup sesh with his sister only led to Brayden getting the first rose of the season.
Maybe next time you mind your own business and let your adult sister date without you…
Weirdest Moment of the Week: Everything Spencer
There’s a new Bachelorette trend recently where a single father is shoved down our throats but this season, we have Spencer who behaves like the Netflix series You is based on his life.
Spencer talks like a mid-2000’s pickup artist who just read The Game and is ready to hit the streets of Manhattan and manipulate women into sleeping with him.
His opening move was to pretend to not be sure what his hobbies were and then blurt out he’s recently started karate which was all a game leading to him asking Charity to kick him in the nuts.
Charity did not kick him in the nuts because of course Charity didn’t kick him in the nuts.
Spencer should’ve been eliminated before he stepped foot inside the mansion for asking the Bachelorette to kick him in the nuts.
Inside the mansion, he spends their alone time speaking like a combination of Jim Carrey in the Mask and Hannibal Lecter in Silence of the Lambs in a conversation designed to tell Charity he’s a single father.
She didn’t seem to give much of a shit.
He cried.
Spencer has a rose.
We have at least one more week of Spencer smelling Charity’s seat when she stands up or taping a mirror to the end of his shoe and putting his foot between her dress so he can see her upskirt in the reflection.
Keep the police on standby for whatever Spencer has planned.
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