thelesterlee
Sometimes it sucks writing about the same basic stories every single day but it must be done so here we go again. *eye roll*. Here’s another classic tale of a college football coach and his stripper girlfriend hosting a haunted house only for a kid to be bitten by their pet monkey. It just happens to be Jeff Banks who is next to face the music.
— Tom Campbell (@thomasgcampbell) November 2, 2021
The initial story is that came out was a monkey biting a child who was trick or treating. College football coaches are maniacs whose entire self-worth is built on tearing down teenage boys. Jeff Banks is not the only monkey owner among their ranks.
This reporter followed up the monkey story with what appears to be a Facebook post from his girlfriend inventing children to come to the haunted house they…made(?) and adults to come for the after-party.
But we aren’t sure when the monkey attack took place yet. Did the kid get lost in their homemade maze only to be found by a vicious monkey or did the kid stay for the after-party and the monkey had a little too much to drink?
Fortunately, the monkey owner went on Twitter to explain her side of the story:
See, the monkey had nothing to do with the haunted house and some bratty kid snuck off into their backyard. This is the same as going onto someone’s property and being bit by their pet dog. Nothing unusual here.
Danielle Banks just had an emotional support monkey that was minding its own business before it was attacked by some bitch ass kid on Halloween.
Buuuuut unfortunately, this kid getting gnawed on opened up a little investigation into who Jeff Banks’s girlfriend is. Very quick search discovers that she is somewhat famous to the Coomer community.
She’s the Pole Assassin.
If you’re unfamiliar with her work, here’s the pole assassin on Jerry Springer performing for an active crowd that is clearly on the edge of their seat.
Is Texas football…back??!
