I don’t think I can recall a ton of instances in which I moved overconfidently. My life has been an avalanche of L’s that has thrust humility upon me as I write jokes all day to a few thousand people who probably wouldn’t care if Deadseriousness stopped existing. I go entire days without even looking […]
Mariano Rivera may be the greatest pitcher of all time. I know he only pitched one inning a night but every pitch he threw landed in a mitt. You could not score runs against this alien. The New York Yankees don’t win all those championships without Mariano making professional hitters look like me in the […]
Traveling sucks. Taxis and airports and luggage and terminals and gates and Buffalo Wild Wings bars at noon—the whole experience is daunting but life can be made easier if you simply follow some key rules—none of which are bigger than DO NOT SEXUALLY ASSAULT THE STAFF but NFL kicker, Brandon McManus, couldn’t oblige by that […]
I don’t love writing about these stories, especially when they first break without any real information coming out yet but the star quarterback for America’s team potentially being a sex criminal seems like something that’s worth typing up a few words for. Dak Prescott has quietly been accusing a woman of extorting him out of […]
Matt Riddle was once one of the biggest names in wrestling and has now found himself as a free agent thanks to WWE roster cuts and some bad press here and there. AEW will always be looked at as the little brother in town until they start acquiring some big names like Riddle. Dave Meltzer—a […]
In March, the police began investigating Jackson Mahomes for forcibly kissing the 40-year-old owner of Aspen’s Restaurant and Lounge. Apparently, Jackson and his squad showed up LIT, Jackson shoved a random waiter then met with the owner of the restaurant about it and elected to grab the owner by her neck and kiss her. KMBC […]
About a year ago, I received an email from someone asking me why I don’t write more UFC stories. The answer is simple: everyone involved in that sport is a garbage human. Dana White slapped his wife publicly and it was like, scrubbed from the internet and it was back to business as usual. They […]
This week, Jalen Hurts became the highest-paid player in the NFL after signing a 5-year $255 million contract extension, including $110 million guaranteed upon signing with the Philadelphia Eagles. Eagles’ QB Jalen Hurts’ salary-cap numbers for the next four seasons after today’s $255 million extension: 🏈2023: $6.15 million 🏈2024: $13.56 million 🏈2025: $21.77 million 🏈2026: […]
Often times as a sports fan, it feels as though you have to put your morals on pause while watching a game because there will be a star player who is allowed on the court or field despite the disgusting garbage they do in their free time. As a Knicks and Yankees fan, I had […]
On Monday night, the Arizona Cardinals and the San Francisco 49ers played in the NFL’s annual Mexico City game. The Cardinals were squashed 10-38. With Kyler Murray out nursing a hamstring injury, Arizona didn’t stand a chance. Oh, and one of their coaches—Sean Kugler—went out and sexually assaulted a random woman before returning home There […]
Deshaun Watson tricked and pressured pretty much every female massage therapist in the city of Houston into touching his little wee wee and was rewarded with the biggest contract in NFL history from the Cleveland Browns. BUT, the NFL has decided to only suspend him 6 games despite 20+ women sharing their stories about how […]
There are a lot of weird and gross things in the sports world we all sort of agree is ‘normal’ like how local taxpayer money goes into the funding of a new arena a stadium but I refuse to allow the Cleveland Browns get away with this nonsense. Not right now. The Browns are looking […]
I’ve said everything that I would like to say about the Kyle Rittenhouse case where a kid went to a Black Lives Matter protest with a murder weapon, murdered people and then went home so you can go read that real quick if you want. It’s no surprise that the worst people you know were […]
Last week, Chinese professional tennis player, Peng Shuai, posted online about her relationship with a high-ranking Chinese official. Shuai says the relationship ended with a sexual assault. That post was taken down minutes after it went live. You couldn’t search the name ‘Peng Shuai’ due to China’s strict censorship. You couldn’t even search the word […]
Barstool Sports is a cool website where you can read a 600-word blog that’s formatted in one single paragraph with no punctuation, you can hear podcasts from awkward guys with absolutely nothing interesting to say, you can see 19 year old college girls posing in bikinis before their old enough to recognize that they’re being […]
We are currently in the midst of a major reckoning. Two of the best players in their sports are battling for their freedoms after details of the sex crimes have not only hit the surface but are currently being dissected in front of judges and court stenographers. This isn’t the first time we’ve seen professional […]
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