Pray for the Women of Japan, Trevor Bauer and his Dusty Ass Neckbeard Are Coming

Often times as a sports fan, it feels as though you have to put your morals on pause while watching a game because there will be a star player who is allowed on the court or field despite the disgusting garbage they do in their free time.

As a Knicks and Yankees fan, I had to watch Aroldis Chapman and Derrick Rose not only play every game but be praised for their contributions to wins as if there aren’t hundreds, if not thousands, of other qualified athletes who don’t terrorize their spouses.

Trevor Bauer slapped around and strangled a girl into unconsciousness during sex and for the first time in such a long time—a sexual predator actually faced consequences for his actions.

June 28th, 2021 was the final time Trevor Bauer was allowed to pitch in a Major League Baseball game before he would spend the remainder of his time in the states on the restricted list before his eventual 324-game suspension.

Trevor Bauer is signing with the Yokohama DeNA BayStars of the Nippon Professional Baseball Organization in Japan, per @YamadaSANSPO

The contract is for one year and $4 million plus incentives pic.twitter.com/snHhFgUINX

— Talkin’ Baseball (@TalkinBaseball_) March 13, 2023

He is now taking his talents across the Pacific to be the new Ace for the Yokohama DeNA BayStars. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

This truly never happens.

Especially when you remember that Bauer’s charges were dropped and he never faced any criminal charges. Typically, that technicality gives organizations the cover to acquire a piece of shit like Bauer because they can convince the fans he did nothing wrong even though we all understand the justice system is meant to protect the powerful and rich and it’s extremely difficult to provide enough proof.

But every single team had the opportunity to sign Trevor Bauer to a minimum contract and they elected to not reach out to his weird-ass agent, Rachel Luba, who paid to be on the Forbes 30 under 30 list.

I think what separated Bauer from many other athletes who commit similar crimes against humanity is that Bauer seems to be genuinely unhinged and just like, strange. From everything I’ve read, even his teammates felt uncomfortable around him.

Remember when he got in trouble for harassing a teenage girl on Twitter? I feel like Bauer’s brain got busted by being too online. It happened to a lot of people post-Trump winning the 2016 election. A lot of white dudes had some identity crisis and fell down the dumbest rabbit holes. Trevor Bauer probably spends so much time scrolling through racist 4chan posts that there is no way he is a regular guy anymore.

I think the Me Too movement of that same time period was intended to hold men—and especially men in positions of power—accountable for their actions and how they treat and/or manipulate women but the unintended consequence was the rise of these loser ‘men’s rights’ activists like Andrew Tate and other small-dicked dweebs.

A lot of dudes like Bauer began to resent men for taking down some of their heroes and because they started listening to terrible podcast hosts that convinced them that women are these non-playable characters who exist for just sex or whatever.

And it’s always a nerd like Trevor Bauer who eats that type of nonsense content right up. But now he has to move across the world. Dang.

Here’s what Bauer said about signing with the BayStars:

“I can’t tell you how excited I am to be playing for the BayStars this year. Playing in the NPB has always been a dream of mine, and I can’t think of a better organization to do it with.”

Laugh out loud. It was always Bauer’s dream to be exiled from his home country and forced to play in the only foreign nation that would pay him for the one thing he’s kind of good at.

Can’t wait for the big domestic abuse pitching duel of Trevor Bauer vs. Roberto Osuna—who plays the Fukuoka SoftBank Hawks.

I just quickly want to say, I wasn’t kidding when I said to pray for the women of Japan. If you don’t respect American women then there is a 0% chance you even treat Japanese women like anything outside of your servants.

Fuck Trevor Bauer, man. I cannot stress that enough.

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