You never want to celebrate the loss of another human life. We only get one opportunity on this planet Earth . We are so fortunate to have our cells formed and developed into living, breathing organisms. Every life on this Earth is sacred—just as any loss of life is a tragedy. HOWEVER… OREM, Utah (AP) […]
I spent the last hour listening to Mark Cuban cosplaying as Lionel Hutz—sweating through his suit and accidentally dropping his brown-bagged lunch on the floor when he opened his briefcase—running defense for Steve Ballmer after Pablo Torre Found Out the Clippers circumvented the NBA salary cap to keep Kawhi Leonard on the team. Steve Ballmer […]
Josh Allen vs. Lamar Jackson on Sunday night—for a lot of fans—will be the best football game of the year. Josh Allen leading the Bills back from a 40-25 deficit in the 4th quarter was worthy of caveman paintings or those paintings on Greek vases. The ones in the Disney Hercules movies. The type of […]
We’ve played one football game which means it’s time to overreact, make wild declarations with limited evidence—and of course, my favorite—make fun of some guys. Let’s not even waste time. My laptop is 200 degrees. I don’t even know if I’ll finish this article before my keyboard ignites. I’m using a Dell from the Obama […]
Welcome to the first ever Deadseriousness Top 50 NFL Quarterbacks. These rankings will be determined by a points-based system. Sort of. I will grade these 50 quarterbacks on 5 unique, and important attributes, on -5 to 5 scale. Here are the 5 categories: Wins and losses (we can talk about the defense and the offensive […]
At this point, everyone understands that Donald Trump and Jeffrey Epstein preferred the company of adolescents. It’s like if your best friend was a world-renowned cookie-eater. And there are tons of photos of you and your buddy surrounded by stacks of cookies. And you both own cookie factories—cookie factories that share employees back and forth. […]
You read that correctly. This isn’t an article predicting the NFL Award winners. No, these are 2025 NFL season predictions…in award form. Last year, I handed out awards every week and my brain is conditioned to exclusively write about the NFL via awards. It is an illness no doctor can fix. It’s something I must […]
You know, in the superhero movies when the good guys finally get into the villain’s secret lair—expecting a one-v-one fight with him—only to be surprised by a reveal of a huge weapon? Like in The Batman when he catches The Riddler and then, surprise—The Riddler blows up a dam and floods Gotham—or surprise—the president is […]
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it until my heart starts beating: Dating. Is. Hard. I imagine it’s even harder for a 73-year-old autistic football savant—obsessed with the military and linebacker blitz packages. We’ve all attempted to pursue women we believe to be “out of our league”—but it’s not getting the hot girl that’s […]
As long as I live, I will never forget Aroldis Chapman smiling like the cheshire cat—after giving up a walk-off homer run to Jose Altuve to lose the ALCS. In case YOU forgot, here is one of the worst nights of my life: HOUSTON WALK OFF TO THE WORLD SERIES 😱 WOW (via @FOXSports)pic.twitter.com/1HTuVSRZHg — […]
Sources: The Cowboys are receiving two first-round picks and DT Kenny Clark in exchange for Micah Parsons. — Dianna Russini (@diannarussini.bsky.social) August 28, 2025 at 5:16 PM Dallas Cowboys get: 2 first-round picks, DT Kenny Clark Green Bay Packers get: EDGE Micah Parsons Micah Parsons gets: 4-year $188 million contract extension We’ve got […]
I love the US Open. After weeks of golf clapping at the French Open or Wimbledon—American fans stumble into Flushing, Queens—drunk on $14 Budweisers—hooting and hollering at US players like we’re in a dimly lit backroom, watching a cock fight—and we bet our life savings on Chico. Foreign players are truly flying into an away […]
Corruption is up double digits right now. And Texas just stole the ball again—throwing an oop to themselves off the backboard. The team up 50 now wants to change the rules to make sure they always stay up. Texas’s new proposed redistricting map—the redrawing of district boundaries—will guarantee Republicans 5 more congressional seats. You always […]
In 2005, at age 31, Jake Plummer—one of my favorite QBs back in the day—an OG gunslinger who I imagine used to jog into the huddle on first down and say—”watch me throw this football over them mountains”—had the best season of his NFL career. After getting the wind knocked out of them in a […]
I. Am. For. Sale. Toooo many folks crashing out and cashing out around me—while I write my cute little jokes—for free. Every week, I see someone like Robert Griffin III, sitting next to his wife—who looks like his little brother, using a fake Sega Genesis controller, so she feels like they’re working together—giving his annoying […]
I would love to be considered amongst the greatest to ever type words but unfortunately, I don’t think I’ll ever come close. I highkey suck at this. I lack, like, the basic fundamentals. Abritrary punctuations, run-on sentences and typos top to bottom. These are caveman drawings. Middle school doodles on the backs of worksheets. Honestly, […]
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