in Lists, NFL

Deadseriousness NFL Week 2 Thoughts: King Lamar and Zach Wilson Seeing Ghosts

zach wilson

This won’t be a recap of every game because I won’t sit here and pretend as if I watched every minute of every game. This won’t be one of those ‘winners and losers’ articles because weren’t not bringing those into 2022. This won’t be one of those ‘twitter reacts’ articles where media companies just post popular tweets and hit ‘post’ without adding any of their own words or comments and certainly without financially rewarding the people whose tweets are generating views for them.

Nope, here are just stray thoughts for the first week of the 2021 NFL season.

 

New York Giants 29 – Washington Football Team 30

  • Saquon Barkley was selected with the no. 2 draft pick ahead of Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson. Daniel Jones has more rushing yards than Barkley does so far this season. Wonderful.
  • Terry McLaurin is that dude.

  • Good catch, Darius.

Cincinnati Bengals 17 – Chicago Bears 20

  • There is absolutely no reason why we are watching Andy Dalton play NFL games every week in 2021.
  • Sure, Joe Burrow and Justin Fields are going to throw interceptions but Andy Dalton is going to throw 1-yard passes and the punter is going to be on the field after 2 minutes of nothing. Which would you rather watch?
  • What does Bears practice look like with Andy Dalton playing against Khalil Mack and Roquan Smith? I guess he just looks like Andy Dalton.

Houston Texans 21 – Cleveland Browns 31

  • Tyrod Taylor deserves success. He’ll never see it but he deserves it.
  • Round of applause to the Texans who are standing firm on their stance that no matter how many quarterbacks on their roster tear their hamstrings, Deshaun Watson is never allowed to put a helmet on again.
  • Baker Mayfield was 19-for-21. Without Jarvis Landry and Odell Beckham. Colin Cowherd is sick.

Los Angeles Rams 27 – Indianapolis Colts 24

  • Carson Wentz sprained both of his ankles this week which is a thing you say after you get a fucking SHOVEL PASS intercepted on the 0.1 yard line.
  • When I played on the 8th grade football team, a wide receiver BURNED me down the sideline and after I saw him catch a wide-open pass in the endzone and I limped off the field and pretended I broke all my bones. I’m Carson Wentz.
  • *whispers* The Rams might not lose a football game this year.

Buffalo Bills 35 – Miami Dolphins 0

  • You should score more than 0 points. You just should.
  • Everything I thought about Tua Tagovailoa is being deleted and scrubbed from the internet.
  • Josh Allen has looked pretty ordinary so far this year. a 400-yard 5 turnover game soon cometh.

New England 25 – New York Jets 6

  • Bill Belichick treats rookie quarterbacks the same way the Biden administration treats central American refugees.
  • Bill Belichick treats rookie quarterbacks the same way Cam Newton treats Covid precautions

  • Zach Wilson threw 4 interceptions on Sunday. There’s something about wearing a Jets jersey that instantly turns you into Geno Smith.

 

San Francisco 49ers 17 – Philadelphia Eagles 11

  • Dear Philadelphia Eagles, stop doing this shit. It’s not cute anymore.
  • When Nick Bosa jogs onto the field knowing he’s about to play against a black quarterback just take every bet on his sack totals. He’s going to have himself a game against any and all ‘Jalen’s’.

Las Vegas Raiders 26 – Pittsburgh Steelers 17

  • Las Vegas Raiders are 2-0 in back-to-back seasons since the 80s. We can’t keep letting John Gruden get away with this.
  • Derek Carr wears eyeshadow. WE CAN’T KEEP LETTING THEM GET AWAY WITH THIS.

 

  • Stiff arms >>>>>>>

New Orleans Saints 7 – Carolina Panthers 26

  • The Panthers have the no. 1 defense in the NFL so far. Buuuut one of those games was against the Jets so it doesn’t count.
  • Sam Darnold threw for 300 yards??? Adam Gase deserves pain.

  • Jameis Winston for president.

Denver Broncos 23 – Jacksonville Jaguars 13

  • As you read this, Urban Meyer is googling homes in southern California and how long the commute would be to USC.
  • Trevor Lawrence was 14-for-33 for 118 yards and 2 interceptions. Fucking YUCK.
  • Send the Jaguars to the Arena Football League.

Minnesota Vikings 33 – Arizona Cardinals 34

  • Kyler Murray had 400 passing yards and 4 combined touchdowns. I was told he’s too short to play in this league.
  • This team has DeAndre Hopkins and AJ Green on the roster but Rondale Moore led the team in catches. Is Arizona the first team to discover that having a lot of good players on your team is good?
  • Meanwhile, Kirk Cousins is a bitch.

Atlanta Falcons 25 – Tampa Buccaneers 48

  • Matt Ryan should stop showing up to Falcons games. We’d all understand.
  • Ndamukong Suh has been a murderer for over a decade now. Free Matt Ryan.
  • Fuck Antonio Brown

Dallas Cowboys 20 – San Diego Chargers 17

  • Eh, don’t care.

Tennesee Titans 33 – Seattle Seahawks 30

  • Before Sunday, Seattle hadn’t blown a lead of more than 15 points since 2004. But then Sunday happened.
  • The Titans gained 532 yards. Seattle let them do that. They should not have.
  • Derrick Henry was running through the Seahawks like Brittany Renner runs through Kentucky basketball 5-star high school recruits.

Kansas City Chiefs 35 – Baltimore Ravens 36

 

  • Remember when they said Lamar Jackson should play wide receiver and then he won an MVP at quarterback and then finally beat Patrick Mahomes on national TV to solidify his place at the top of the mountain??? I remember.

  • The GOAT.

Detroit Lions 17 – Green Bay Packers 35

  • At this point, why does ESPN persist on allowing 3 random employees do play-by-play for their main broadcast when the Manning brothers are on ESPN putting on a real show breaking down coverages and somehow stopping Brett Favre from saying the n-word on national TV.
  • The NFL intentionally poured fake rain over the stadium in order to turn Jared Goff into a bum and give Aaron Rodgers a win. Stay woke.

 

Written by thelesterlee

Creator of Deadseriousness. Diehard Knicks, Yankees and Giants fan who wants to create a sports and pop culture space that isn't the same copy and pasted AI content you see everywhere else.

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