Deadseriousness NBA Power Rankings: Giannis is Bloodthirsty and the Brooklyn Nets Finally Shut Up

Welcome to the Deadseriousness NBA Power Rankings where we rank the teams, players and coaches who are having the biggest impact on the season. If you want a boring article that just lists the teams in order based on their win-loss records, Bleacher Report is that way.

Here are the official Deadseriousness NBA Power Rankings for this week:

9. Mat Ishbia

I forgot to write a full article about this so I’m sneaking it into these NBA power rankings but congrats to Matt Ishbia on buying the Phoenix Suns away from the creepy and racist previous owner. This will be the last time I applaud this man because it is literally impossible to become a billionaire without exploiting workers and having the worst opinions ever.

Glad Robert Sarver is gone. Can’t wait for Mat Ishbia to be gone as well.

8. 40-point games

It’s the beginning of January and there have already been 89 40-point games this season. That’s already the 11th-highest total in NBA history. These players are on pace to have 190 40-point games which would break the record by 48. Jesus.

Everyone and their mothers are getting buckets this year which means we are dangerously close to the most annoying NBA media people zagging and complaining that there are too many points and 3-pointers are bad and they want to go back to the early 2000s when the Pistons won championships by being the first team to score 70 points.

Buckle up. Bill Simmons is about to whine about basketball being too exciting.

7. Killian Hayes

This scene at the Magic-Pistons game 😳

Moe Wagner, Killian Hayes and Hamidou Diallo were all ejected after this altercation.pic.twitter.com/gGiA6BWz3O

— Yahoo Sports (@YahooSports) December 29, 2022

We don’t support violence here at Deadseriousness and blah blah but round of applause to Killian Hayes for getting pushed into the benches and then immediately knocking out Moe Wagner. Fuck around and find out, MOE.

6. Memphis Grizzlies

Earlier this year, Ja Morant sat down with Taylor Rooks and proclaimed that Memphis’s biggest competition is the Boston Celtics and no one in the Western Conference is in his way. Well, they’ve won 4 straight games and they’re tied for first place with Denver.

And now with the Pelicans missing Zion Williamson with a hamstring for the next month, the West truly belongs to the Grizzlies. As long as Ja stops beating up local teens.

Ja Morant menacingly waits for the Hornets to guard him on the other end 👀pic.twitter.com/Fn2AGFcBED

— ClutchPoints (@ClutchPointsApp) January 5, 2023

My man’s just out here playing with his food.

5. Luka Doncic

Luka Doncic would probably be higher up on these NBA power rankings if he didn’t accomplish his historic 60-21-10 triple-double against my New York Knicks. These NBA power rankings come loaded with bias. Again, head to Bleacher Report for boring ass neutrality.

But I do want to give Luka all of his flowers before he inevitably blows a tire carrying the dead weight of this Mavericks roster where the second best player is Christian Wood—a player the Mavs are actively trying to trade because they don’t want to pay.

Luka’s Face After OT Shot 😂: Doncic’s reaction was pure joy after hitting game-tying bucket
pic.twitter.com/52seC4b8hR

— FootBasket™.com (@FootBasket) December 28, 2022

It’s impossible to root against a guy who shows this much joy on the court. Please disregard the Knicks jerseys in the background.

4. Nikola Jokic

A recently wrote about Nikola Jokic being the best basketball player on Earth and like, 10 days later Jokic is only 4th on these power rankings. That’s the type of season we are witnessing this year. Donovan Mitchell will just casually drop 71 points on a random Monday night and it won’t even touch the news cycle.

The Nuggets are the no. 1 seed in the West and that is 100% thanks to the play of Jokic. If I personally cared about triple-doubles, I’d have so many more glowing things to say but yea, Nikola Jokic is very good at getting 10 of everything.

3. A Splash Brother

54 points
10 threes

KLAY THOMPSON » https://t.co/ocDF2EHeJH pic.twitter.com/uJMXVWEWm5

— Golden State Warriors (@warriors) January 3, 2023

If you thought the Warriors would struggle without Steph Curry in the lineup then you must’ve forgot that there is another splash brother waiting in the wings for his opportunity to chuck up a bajillion shots a night.

Last season, Klay looked washed as hell following brutal leg injuries that made him a civilian for a year and a half but man, he looks healthy as hell. Like, there might not be a single player in the NBA who is more healthy than Klay Thompson.

@Klay, please send over the weed strain.

2. Giannis Antetokounmpo

Let’s just look at Giannis’s last 4 games and keep it moving. There isn’t much to say about this leviathan

45 points, 22 rebounds, 7 assists
43 points, 20 rebounds, 5 assists, 2 blocks
55 points, 10 rebounds, 7 assists, 2 steals
30 points, 21 rebounds, 10 assists

Jokic and Doncic are having cute little seasons or whatever but Giannis has spent the New Year reminding us all that he is still the best basketball player on the planet.

1. The Quiet Brooklyn Nets

Prior to their 112-121 loss to the Chicago Bulls on Wednesday night, the Brooklyn Nets were quietly riding a 12-game win streak. QUIET being the keyword in that sentence. From the moment Kevin Durant and Kyrie Irving arrived, the Nets have been in headlines for pretty much every single thing that has nothing to basketball. From threatening Z-list actors to casually spreading Nazi propaganda, the Nets were the most annoying team in the history of history.

Apparently, they were simply acting act against their head coach because once Steve Nash was fired and Jacque Vaughn took over, the Nets have finally become the team that they are in NBA 2K. Praying this team shuts up for the rest of the season so we can appreciate Durant’s historically great shooting efficiency and Ben Simmons’s overwhelming on-ball defense.

But Kyrie will most likely come out at a Trump supporter or some other infuriating attention-seeking bullshit he can think of.