Coaching Kirk Cousins is a Punishment

99% of us hate our jobs but we keep going back because they give us money we can then exchange for food and shelter. But you know it’s time to move on when you start openly complaining and shitting on your coworkers. That’s what happened to Mike Zimmer in his final weeks of coaching the Minnesota Vikings as it’s been reported he spent his final days telling people how much Kirk Cousins sucks.

Zimmer complained openly in coaching meetings about Cousins, and some of Zimmer’s top lieutenants echoed the sentiment. Zimmer didn’t feel the quarterback made enough “winning plays,” that he didn’t take the necessary shots to help lead the Vikings to victory, and that he didn’t elevate his teammates.

Mike Zimmer was fired following a disappointing 8-9 season and missing the playoffs. Minnesota has too much talent on their roster to finish below .500 but at some point, a team looks over to their starting quarterback and realizes he has no idea how to lead them to the promised land.

Kirk Cousins’s stats would indicate a Top 10 NFL quarterback. Here’s how his 2021 campaign went:

4,221 passing yards
66.3% completion percentage
33 touchdowns
7 interceptions
103.1 quarterback rating

Dope.

He went 8-8 in 16 starts throwing to Adam Thielen and Justin Jefferson with Dalvin Cook running the ball in the backfield. A stacked roster and Hall of Fame-level stats yet at no point did this team ever look like a Super Bowl contender.

There is nothing more inevitable on a football field than Kirk Cousins dropping back on 3rd and long and getting sacked through the Earth’s crust and missing a receiver downfield because he’s a coward afraid of making a mistake. Death. Taxes. The Minnesota Vikings punting on 4th down because Cousins is a fraidy cat.

One can only imagine the level of frustration Mike Zimmer had to overcome every year coaching his team into positions to win games only for Cousins to wilt when the game matters most and there’s nothing you can do to improve the situation because Kirk makes a bajillion dollars and top quarterbacks never hit free agency so if they cut Cousins then Cousins would instantly become the best quarterback available. Minnesota is doomed to keep this bum in their uniform or face salary cap hell.

Thoughts and prayers to new Vikings head coach, Kevin O’Connell, who will be tasked with unlocking some new level of Cousins’s game that does not exist while Mike Zimmer will finally get a full night’s rest for the first time in almost half a decade.