Sunrise provides fresh opportunities. Death evaded once more. Sunday morning. Eyes open to hope. Proletariat pack pews. Nico croons. Me? Dreams of doing meth with Charlie Sheen and my 7th-grade math teacher. Ms. Farley can’t handle her methamphetamines—believe it or not. Drool wiped to push notifications of Carson Wentz interceptions. We are so back. Aaron […]
On Sunday night football, all eyes were on the lone NBC broadcast. With the New York Giants down 22-9 with about 3 minutes left and the ball on the Kansas City Chiefs 5-yard line—Giants QB, Russell Wilson, had 4 downs—4 opportunities to keep his team in the game. Russell Wilson threw the ball out of […]
As conservatives stap each other in the back—Game of Thrones style—for an opportunity to fill Charlie Kirk’s blood-soaked podcast chair—late-night TV has a new hole in their programming just waiting to be filled by a bootlicker. Jimmy Kimmel was “indefinitely suspended” after mentioning Charlie Kirk’s name. See, it has become illegal to speak about him […]
Last year—the New York Giants finished 31st in scoring. Touchdowns were scarce. Even last week, Week 1 of the year, a fresh start—the Giants were touchdown-less. You have a better chance of waking up next to Charlize Theron than you do of seeing the New York Giants score touchdowns. Until they went to Dallas and […]
Restricted free agency is an antiquated concept in conflict with the current NBA CBA designed to penalize teams for overspending. Jonathan Kuminga and Quentin Grimes are in limbo because no one has the cap space to sign these guys to the contracts they deserve. The Chicago Bulls have finally struck a deal with their restricted […]
Shout out to the NFL for finally giving Amazon good games on Thursday night. I will never forget the Browns and Titans and Jaguars having mid-offs while wearing Madden “Create-a-Team” ass uniforms. This week, Washington flew into Wisconsin to get ragdolled by this Packers defense that received a massive upgrade a week before the season […]
It’s 9/11 in New York. 24 years ago, Osama ruined a ton of people’s lives and sent Americans into an impossible-to-win war in the Middle East. Our current president—has taken that baton from Bin Laden and made it his mission to ruin as many lives as possible—one sexual assault at a time. Donald Trump visits […]
We’ve seen each team play exactly one football which means it’s time to wildly overreact to the smallest sample size possible. Let’s do the first NFL Power Rankings of the year and overreact to the only 4 quarters of football we’ve seen: 32. Miami Dolphins (0-1) Overreaction: Blow up the team. Fire GM Chris […]
You never want to celebrate the loss of another human life. We only get one opportunity on this planet Earth . We are so fortunate to have our cells formed and developed into living, breathing organisms. Every life on this Earth is sacred—just as any loss of life is a tragedy. HOWEVER… OREM, Utah (AP) […]
I spent the last hour listening to Mark Cuban cosplaying as Lionel Hutz—sweating through his suit and accidentally dropping his brown-bagged lunch on the floor when he opened his briefcase—running defense for Steve Ballmer after Pablo Torre Found Out the Clippers circumvented the NBA salary cap to keep Kawhi Leonard on the team. Steve Ballmer […]
Josh Allen vs. Lamar Jackson on Sunday night—for a lot of fans—will be the best football game of the year. Josh Allen leading the Bills back from a 40-25 deficit in the 4th quarter was worthy of caveman paintings or those paintings on Greek vases. The ones in the Disney Hercules movies. The type of […]
We’ve played one football game which means it’s time to overreact, make wild declarations with limited evidence—and of course, my favorite—make fun of some guys. Let’s not even waste time. My laptop is 200 degrees. I don’t even know if I’ll finish this article before my keyboard ignites. I’m using a Dell from the Obama […]
Welcome to the first ever Deadseriousness Top 50 NFL Quarterbacks. These rankings will be determined by a points-based system. Sort of. I will grade these 50 quarterbacks on 5 unique, and important attributes, on -5 to 5 scale. Here are the 5 categories: Wins and losses (we can talk about the defense and the offensive […]
At this point, everyone understands that Donald Trump and Jeffrey Epstein preferred the company of adolescents. It’s like if your best friend was a world-renowned cookie-eater. And there are tons of photos of you and your buddy surrounded by stacks of cookies. And you both own cookie factories—cookie factories that share employees back and forth. […]
You read that correctly. This isn’t an article predicting the NFL Award winners. No, these are 2025 NFL season predictions…in award form. Last year, I handed out awards every week and my brain is conditioned to exclusively write about the NFL via awards. It is an illness no doctor can fix. It’s something I must […]
You know, in the superhero movies when the good guys finally get into the villain’s secret lair—expecting a one-v-one fight with him—only to be surprised by a reveal of a huge weapon? Like in The Batman when he catches The Riddler and then, surprise—The Riddler blows up a dam and floods Gotham—or surprise—the president is […]
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