Argentina, the defending champs of the 2022 Qatar World Cup—their first game in the 2026 World Cup hosted in Kansas City, Missouri. Mahomes country. USA, BAYBEEEE.
Historically, Argentina’s risen to greatness when given the opportunity by regimes like Qatar and the US.
Their first duel—a Group Stage game against Algeria—a team that hasn’t qualified for the Cup since 2014. (Algeria made it to the knockout round but it was a long time ago. You get it.)
It was late on a Tuesday night—the Yankees had just ragdolled the Chicago White Sox. Why not flip over to the Fox One app, grin and bear the off-putting ads for right-wing podcasts hosted by professional liars selling white supremacy to rubes?
I won’t pretend like I’ve been locked into the world of soccer.
Not certain how one would even go about watching Major League Soccer. If MLS is on the Fox One app, I won’t ever be watching it.
38-year-old Lionel Messi is one of the greatest to ever do it. I’ve heard those rumors. But I wasn’t locked-in on Inter Miami day-to-day operations.
Tuesday was my first real glimpse at Messi in years and he just decided to be undeniable.
It was all Messi in Argentina vs Algeria 🐐 pic.twitter.com/6rD8DbEbDz
— FOX Sports (@FOXSports) June 17, 2026
3 goals.
The hat trick.
Now tied with Germany’s Miroslav Klose with 16 career World Cup goals—and most importantly, one more than his peer Chrstiano Ronaldo—the 41-year-old with a weird case, why is he around?
Felt like, whenever the ball touched Messi’s cleats, magic happened. His first World Cup hat trick in his 200th career Argentina cap, now the oldest to ever score a World Cup goal, 20 years after being the youngest.
Perhaps all that GOAT talk was accurate this whole time.
This is how I’m weaning myself into the 2026 World Cup. I’m microdosing soccer. Portugal vs Congo is on the big screen as I write this. Call me Mr. Futbol.
But you must understand my reluctance to care about this tourny.
Too much Donald Trump stink on the whole enterprise for me to get excited. I mentioned Qatar hosting the previous World Cup, but we really need to improve the vetting process for host nations. I promise you, my addiction to sports will be curbed by the 2030 World Cup live from Jerusalem—the sounds of Palestinians incenerating in the background, drowning out Thierry Henry’s disgust for Alexi Lalas.
Then you remember these are the best athletes on the planet, sacrificing their physical and mental health to win the biggest global tournament in the world—all of Earth dissecting their every move. This shit could be life or death. RIP Andrés Escobar.
Head back over to Deadseriousness for more 2026 World Cup expert analysis. Leave a comment or send an email to let me know what I should be tracking or paying attention to in these games. Help me, help you.
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