thelesterlee
At the halfway point of the season, it’s time for certain teams to pivot and re-evaluate the future of their franchises starting with their head coaches. Which coaches are leading their teams to the ground? Which players are underperforming for their coaching staff. All that good stuff.
Here are the 5 head coaches who should be fired yesterday:
1. Mike Zimmer
With 8 seasons leading the Minnesota Viking, Mike Zimmer is the 7th longest-tenured head coach in the NFL. Dope. Here’s the problem: the 6 coaches with longer tenures have all won Super Bowls. The Vikings are 3-5 this season and probably won’t even make the playoffs.
Oh, and every one of the Vikings 5 losses has been within one score. One of their 3 wins was against the Detroit Lions so that doesn’t even really count. They literally just blew a 14-point lead to Lamar Jackson. The jig is up in Minnesota
2. Kyle Shanahan
Love how Kyle Shanahan has pretty much dodged all of the nepotism discourse because CJ Beathard threw for 300 yards once or some shit. An offensive ‘genius’ who specializes in *squints* wide receiver screens.
The 49ers traded up to draft Trey Lance and he is sitting on the bench while the Cardinals and Rams take turns pancing Shanahan and stuffing him in a locker. Perhaps he is intentionally keeping him in his back pocket for next season to ensure that he doesn’t get fired before he gets to spray his ‘genius’ on Lance.
Also, fuck Shanahan’s ironed flat brim caps. He looks like Kendall Roy moments before he calls his coke dealer.
3. Urban Meyer
My man lost a football game and told the Jags ‘don’t wait up’ so he can stay in Ohio and dry hump a local blonde at a dive bar. This is a sicko, not an NFL head coach.
4. Matt Nagy
Another offensive-minded coach with an atrocious offense who killed two quarterbacks with terrible confidence-destroying play-calling and a strange unintelligible obsession with Andy Dalton. How do you waste a defense with Khalil Mack, Roquan Smith, Akiem Hicks and Robert Quinn because you saw Nick Foles catch a touchdown pass in a Super Bowl? Free this Bears defense.
5. Joe Judge
I don’t think Joe Judge is a bad football coach. He’s obviously better than the Giants previous 3 coaches so him being fired isn’t personal. This franchise merely needs to clean house entirely. Everyone needs to have their key cards taken from them by the end of the business day.
General manager Dave Gettleman, everyone in the front office that reports to him, Joe Judge, all of the coaches that report to him and Daniel Jones. You all need to file for unemployment.
