in Lists, MLB, NBA, NFL

5 Things I Can’t Stop Thinking About This Week: Pat Bev’s Hate, Tua’s Cannon Arm and Knicks Trade Nonsense

pat bev

Weeeeeee back with more random thoughts about the world of sports. I should probably bang these out as much as I can before the NBA season ends and I have to write about like, the Little League World Series or my own lackluster personal life.

Here are 5 things I can’t stop thinking about this week:

1. Pat Bev put a microscope over the broken sports media landscape

Chris Paul was once again unceremoniously bounced the fuuuuuuck out of the playoffs in a Game 7 blowout loss to the Dallas Mavericks so naturally, his enemy Pat Bev was asked to spend the next day seemingly on every single ESPN program to dance on Paul’s grave. As one does.

Patrick called Christopher a cone on defense and declared no one in the NBA is afraid to play against him. He even accidentally threw Paul George under the bus about a text exchange in which they both laughed at Paul’s demise. I like to imagine the two of them are in a group chat with whichever Morris brother plays for the Clippers and Kawhi Leonard but Kawhi blocked the chat the moment he got that first notification.

The NBA discourse was incredibly annoying following Bev’s ESPN appearance. Some people believe he deserves his own show on the network while others threw tomatoes and called him a hater who should never talk about Chris Paul.

Personally, I found him quite entertaining and I think he made some pretty decent points. For some reason, we only speak about Chris Paul with the utmost respect. You are never allowed to make fun of him even though he plays like garbage at the end of all his playoff departures but a guy like James Harden can score 60 points a night and no one even cares because he hasn’t won a championship or whatever.

Even other players like Matt Barnes and Draymond Green came out against Pat Bev by saying Chris Paul is one of the best ever and he should never talk about another player who has accomplished more. That was the major takeaway from his day at ESPN: Pat Beverley isn’t a good enough basketball player to discuss Chris Paul’s game.

If that’s the case then literally none of us assholes can EVER talk about any player ever. All of the losers who can’t dribble a basketball without looking down at the ball can no longer say anything regarding the NBA because they aren’t as good as the players.

None of the media members or journalists can ever have an opinion on anyone’s performance because they aren’t as good as the players they’re critiquing.

The problem with the entire NBA media is the vague standard in which we judge players based on ‘rings’ and who gets praise for winning them, who gets mocked for never winning them and who gets passes and excuses for their shortcomings.

All of these players are spectacular at what they do. Winning a championship is hard as shit. Everything has to break right for you. You don’t need to be a former All-Star to talk about the game if you understand this and you respect what these players do.

Also Chris Paul is a cone.

2. Tua isn’t it

In 2018, the Dallas Cowboys traded for Amari Cooper. It was crucial for the organization to finally provide a true no. 1 receiver for Dak Prescott so they can determine once and for all if he was worth investing in long term. It was a success (for the most part). Dak looked like one of the best QBs in the game.

The Miami Dolphins acquired Tyreek Hill as a true no. 1 receiver for Tua Tagovailoa. Here is a quick clip of their first pass and catch as a tandem:

Amazing. Tyreek is the fastest receiver in the league capable of sprinting past any cornerback and being open downfield for a deep ball. As you can see in the above clip, Tua, uh, can’t really throw deep balls as Tyreek has to completely stop running and come back for an underthrown pass. Imagine how worse it’s going to get when there’s an actual defense on the field.

It’s a shame he got his bodied destroyed at Alabama before we had the opportunity to see if he could survive in the NFL. Or maybe I’m making an excuse for his total lack of arm strength and it has nothing to do with previous injuries. He just has the arm strength of a baby deer.

Personally, I am excited for Tyreek Hill’s career to suddenly end in Miami now that Patrick Mahomes isn’t throwing him the rock. He’s going to be standing wide open in the end zone while Tua dumps it off to his running back for a 1 yard gain.

Fuck Tyreek Hill for beating the shit out of his 3-year old son. I wish nothing but failure for him. Thank you, Tua.

3. Enough Donovan Mitchell Knicks bullshit

Every offseason, Knicks fans are waterboarded with stories and rumors about every player in the league coming to the team. I will never forgive every NBA “insider” telling us for a full calendar year that Kevin Durant and Kyrie Irving were coming to the Knicks with the same confidence one would have when saying that water is wet only for those same insiders to mock Knicks fans when Durant and Kyrie inevitably signed with the Nets.

It is impossible to go a full 24 hours without seeing dumb reports and rumors about Donovan Mitchell wanting to be a Knick or whatever. Mitchell recently signed a max with the Utah Jazz which means the Knicks would have to give up a lottttt in order to trade for him.

And yes, I understand why people would want Mitchell on the Knicks. He is objectively better than anyone currently on the roster. Julius Randle was an All-Star once but it’s quite clear that’ll never happen again and RJ Barrett isn’t on that level (yet).

But what’s left out is that the sum of the Knicks’s talent outweighs how good Mitchell is meaning, the assets the team would need to give up in order to acquire Donovan would make the Knicks significantly worse. Who would be left on the team? Donovan Mitchell and Derrick Rose are winning 13 games.

The Utah Jazz are a far superior team and we see how average they look in the Western playoffs every year. How would the Knicks be better than the Jazz without any of the Jazz players? Donovan Mitchell is in no way good enough to elevate a bad team on his own.

New York should look to maybe get a guy like Collin Sexton who might be available on a bit of discount after the Cavs played better without him this year. OR, just open the floor up for Immanuel Quickley and let him run the offense with RJ Barret and Obi Toppin. Stop pretending like this team is ready to compete for a title and focus on getting young talented athletic players in the building.

Have we truly learned nothing from the Carmelo Anthony trade??

Let Donovan Mitchell and Rudy Gobert slap box each other in the locker room and leave that shit alone.

4. Watching the Celtics is unbearable

This isn’t going to be some deep dive into the Celtics’s playing style or some hate of the Boston Celtics organization. But I can’t not write about how icky and gross it feels to watch this team play at TD Garden and see an arena 99% full of white people screaming at the top of their lungs down at the primarily black players.

Every time the Celtics are on a run and they pan to the crowd, it’s impossible to not feel weird. You really start to understand Kyrie Irving’s beef with the city.

The optics of all these yt’s shouting at the opposing team when they jog into the huddle during a timeout is wild. Almost impossible to ever see a brown face in that crowd. It’s the Insurrectionist, the Barstool Sports office and like, Paul Pierce.

Don’t have much more to say about this. Just need the Miami Heat to win so I can stop watching Birth of a Nation on ESPN every other night.

5. Don’t sleep on the Colts

I know I am going to regret saying anything positive about a Matty Ryan led football club but Carson Wentz is so bad that Ryan is a massive upgrade for a team that had the best running back and a Top 10 defense last season and only missed the playoffs because Wentz could not stop himself from stepping on rakes and slipping on banana peels.

Matt Ryan is clearly at the tail end of his career. With an additional 17th game last season, Ryan threw 613 fewer yards and 6 fewer touchdowns. 1 extra interception though so good for him. But even as time is putting Ryan in a rear-naked chokehold, he is still a better decision-maker and overall leader than Wentz. He’s not going to do weird shit that kills the team.

Plus, the AFC South stinks. The Titans spent the offseason getting rid of all their offensive talent. The Jaguars are still recovering from Urban Meyers’s heist and the Texans have built a 53-man roster consisting of zero talented football players.

Cannot wait until someone sends me this screenshot after the Colts start the season 0-7.

Written by thelesterlee

Creator of Deadseriousness. Diehard Knicks, Yankees and Giants fan who wants to create a sports and pop culture space that isn't the same copy and pasted AI content you see everywhere else.

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