This is the first week of the year with Saturday games but none of those games will be on this list.
Just tune in on Sunday like always. You won’t be missing out on much.
Maybe the Broncos/Lions game will be decent but both teams feel like they are losing the 17-game marathon and running out of smoke too soon.
Also, Saturdays are lowkey my day off and I won’t spend my free time with the Minnesota fucking Vikings.
Anyway, here are the 5 must-watch games of NFL Week 15:
1. New York Jets (5-8) @ Miami Dolphins (9-4)
I think the Dolphins are the most likely to represent the AFC in the Super Bowl but I recognize many of you believe they’re frauds.
A good way to let the world know they’re frauds is losing to a New York Jets team whose Sunday afternoons are 1000% dependent on what mood Zach Wilson wakes up in.
The Dolphins are inviting a Jets team into Hard Rock Stadium that just beat the Houston Texans 30-6 on Sunday. Zach Wilson threw for 301 yards with 2 touchdowns.
Not great for Miami who let up 327 yards to rookie Will Levis.
WILL LEVIS IS SUCH A GAMER pic.twitter.com/3N63VyHmhz
— Bussin’ With The Boys (@BussinWTB) December 12, 2023
Again, I think Miami will be in the Super Bowl but I will delete this entire segment if Zach Wilson comes to their house and outplays their QB—who everyone already thinks is using Tyreek Hill Gameshark codes to put up huge stats.
2. New York Giants (5-8) @ New Orleans Saints (6-8)
We are witnessing history, you understand me??
Tommy DeVito is putting on for the local New Jersey/Staten Island cop sons who love rap, blondes and their mother’s lasagna all equally. This man cannot lose football games.
The vibes are too strong.
If the New Orleans Saints lose to the Giants, they’ll both be 6-8 battling for the same playoff spots. One team is on their third-string QB and the other team gave their QB a 4-year, $150 million deal this offseason.
They should not both have 6 wins.
Oh, and I should mention the Saints have the 27th-ranked rush defense going up against Saquon Barkley and Tommy DeVito. Giants by a million.
3. Chicago Bears (5-8) @ Cleveland Browns (8-5)
The Cleveland Browns have the same record as the Kansas City Chiefs.
Their starting quarterback is 38-year-old Joe Flacco who has one fewer touchdown pass than Kenny Pickett this season.
Marlboro Joe Flacco with his 2nd touchdown pass of the day
🚬🚬🚬 pic.twitter.com/OXjkUBGeyG
— Dead Serious (@Deadseriousness) December 10, 2023
After all these years, Marlboro Joe is still like, the 10th best quarterback in the league.
Death.
Taxes.
Joe Flacco going on a historic run from December to February.
Here’s a list of some Browns who are out for the season:
- QB Deshaun Watson
- RB Nick Chubb
- OT Jack Conklin
- OT Jedrick Wills
- OT Dawand Jones
- WR/KR Jakeem Grant
- DE Ogbo Okoronkwo
- S Grant Delpit
- S Rodney McLeod
- DT Maurice Hurst
- LB Jacob Phillips
Doesn’t matter. Joe brought his pack of smokes and he doesn’t give a shit about shit.
4. Kansas City Chiefs (8-5) @ New England Patriots (3-10)
This lowkey might be the most important game of the 2023 NFL season.
For the Chiefs, they are coming off an emotionally taxing loss to the Buffalo Bills.
The refs called Kadarius Toney offsides on what would’ve been the biggest play of the year. Patrick Mahomes cried all night about how unfair the refs were.
Personally, I don’t think Toney was lined up far enough offsides to even affect the play in a meaningful enough way to shut the whole play dead and I have no idea how making that call benefits the sport at all.
Taylor Swift is at these Chiefs games. There are more eyes on their product than ever and the referees are pulling people over for driving 41mph in a 40mph zone.
Again, the Chiefs have the same record as the Cleveland fucking Browns.
If they lose to Bailey Zappe, the discourse next week will be some of the most annoying, reactionary bullshit in football history. “Should the Chiefs rebuild???”. I’m pissed already.
For the Patriots, Bill Belichick was told he’s being fired at the end of the season. I reckon the only reason he isn’t fired right now is A.) He turned New England into a two-decade dynasty and B.) They might try to trade him to another organization.
But this might be the most motivated coach Belichick we’ve seen all year.
He is not leaving this franchise with a Top 5 draft pick. Expect New England to win out. They’re already quietly forming the best defense. Patriots could win this game 6-3 and it’ll be Bob Kraft’s fault for delaying this firing.
5. Baltimore Ravens (10-3) @ Jacksonville Jaguars (8-5)
Growing up, it felt like there were so many more star quarterback duels. Perhaps that’s all nostalgia and I’m forgetting all the boring ass Jake Delhomme/Matt Hasselbeck games.
Sure, we have Allen vs. Mahomes vs. Burrows but I want to see Lamar Jackson and Trevor Lawrence trade touchdown drives.
Look at how great last week’s Ravens/Rams game was with Lamar and Matty Stafford going back and forth in that second half. Lamar finished with 316 passing yards and 3 touchdowns. These QB battles are turning Lamar into a juggernaut which he’s going to need heading into the postseason.
I’ve written it before but Trevor Lawrence is so lucky to play in Jacksonville because no one can see some of the nasty-looking interceptions he chucks but it’s also a limitation playing in Jacksonville with no one caring when he balls out.
Lamar Jackson vs. Trevor Lawrence could be a new, much-need rivalry.
RECOMMENDED:
The Washington Commanders Are Making a Masssive Mistake Firing Jack Del Rio
Grading Every 2023 NFL Trade Deadline Move
Follow @Deadseriousness on Twitter to help kill some time at work.