4 Takeaways From 2023 WWE Royal Rumble

The 2023 Royal Rumble is already being declared by some as one of the best Royal Rumbles in history. Sure, I understand some people being bothered that The Rock didn’t come back or that Stone Cold didn’t stun anyone but this year’s Royal Rumble was about the present for once and not about lazy fan service and JOing old stars all night to sell more NWO t-shirts or whatever.

Here are my 4 takeaways from 2023 Royal Rumble:

1. Gunther gets his flowers

Gunther is one of the best wrestlers on planet Earth and WWE often hates guys who can actually perform in the ring but at the 2023 Royal Rumble, they let Gunther run the gauntlet. The wrestler formerly known as Walter started the Rumble at #1 and made it all the way to the very end breaking the record for most time spent in the Rumble adding to his already impressive list of accomplishments. Here are some more things Gunther’s done in WWE thus far:

Longest-running NXT UK World Champ (870 days)
Undefeated since being called up to the main roster
Current Intercontinental champion

He was given big moments eliminating Sheamus, Drew McIntyre, the New Day and Booker T. He had a face off with Brock Lesnar. He and Cody Rhodes were given their own little match to end the Rumble. The entire story of the men’s Royal Rumble was about Gunther.

Sure, he didn’t win the event but like, he kind of did, ya know?

2. Logan Paul is getting a title

3 months ago, Logan Paul’s knee exploded like a Mentos being dropped in a 2-liter bottle of Pepsi yet somehow, he was not only back at the Royal Rumble, but doing absolute sicko shit like this bump with Ricochet that exists only to physically hurt him even more but it looks cool so why not?

I’m back @WWE pic.twitter.com/VkgIEvCb1L

— Logan Paul (@LoganPaul) January 29, 2023

Logan Paul is a sicko and sickos are typically rewarded for putting their bodies on the line like this. They’re clearly setting up a Wrestlemania match between him and Seth Rollins that I imagine catapults Logan Paul into the main event. He’s going to main event a pay-per-view against Cody Rhodes for a championship and he might win.

I don’t necessarily have any strong biases against him. I know he’s supposed to be some annoying Gen Z Youtube vlogger or whatever but I promise you I’d rather watch 100 Logan Paul title matches than Baron Corbin doing anything.

3. Asuka push incoming

Asuka is my favorite women’s wrestler in WWE mainly because she is one of the few who wasn’t trained at the performance center where a lot of women’s wrestlers sort of have identical movesets and all move and talk very similarly. Asuka is completely unique from everyone else around her and at 41 years old, she’s still better than 99% of her peers.

That pop for Dark Asuka was REAL af pic.twitter.com/qWd6Y4aCAF

— Public Enemies Podcast (@TheEnemiesPE3) January 29, 2023

Quick shout out to Rhea Ripley for winning the 2023 Royal Rumble. She’s the best part of Judgement Day and following Crown Jewel this year, I predicted she’d win the Rumble and take the title at Mania so also shout out to me for being right.

My only disappointment is how ordinary she looked through most of the match. The problem with having a woman like Rhea enter no. 1 is that she’s supposed to be a powerhouse and a real threat but 29 women came down the ramp and beat the shit out of her one by one. That no. 1 entry works best for like, an underdog overcoming insurmountable odds and doesn’t quite hit the same when it’s someone like Rhea who should be the one getting all the licks in.

4. Sami Zayn vs. Cody Rhodes

WWE has an impossible tightrope to walk right now. From the moment he returned, Cody Rhodes has been presented to us as the face and savior of the company. The only man who has yet to lose to Roman Reigns and has been built big enough to end Reign’s win streak.

But Cody tearing his pec at Hell in a Cell pretty much forced WWE to pivot and shift the focus of the story to Sami Zayn as the new face and savior. It makes astronomically more sense for Sami Zayn to face Roman Reigns at Wrestlemania than Cody Rhodes—who has yet to even meet Reigns up to this point.

Now, a lot can happen in the 60 days before Wrestlemania and I wouldn’t be shocked if Sami Zayn and Roman Reigns have their final battle at Elimination Chamber instead of Wrestlemania but if that’s the case, then you can guarantee Zayn is losing so that Cody Rhodes can have his big special Wrestlemania moment.

But this Bloodline story has been perfect so far so we should all sit back and trust the minds behind this masterpiece to land the plane correctly. Andddd then we can all collectively stop paying attention once Cody Rhodes inevitably wins and has boring ass stories every month.