thelesterlee
I don’t watch much wrestling these days but one of the benefits of Crown Jewel is that the PPV happens at 1pm instead of 9pm so I can actually watch it without feeling like a weirdo wasting my Saturday night watching Rey Mysterio’s son be awkward in the ring.
We’ll ignore how gross it is that WWE takes Saudi money every year. Vince McMahon has taken money from worse people (and gave that money to random women on the WWE payroll whose job was solely to make him ejaculate). That’s all a conversation for another day.
Here are the 4 biggest takeaways from 2022 WWE Crown Jewel:
1. No one knows how to book women
If you watch AEW every week, it’s impossible to walk away from a show without thinking to yourself “the women’s division sucks”. WWE was patting themselves on the back for their ‘women’s revolution’ a few years ago but it’s 2022 and it’s very clear they still to this day do not understand how to book women’s wrestling.
Asuka and Alexa Bliss won the women’s tag titles on Monday night. 5 days later, they gave the titles right back to Damage Control for seemingly no reason. The only reason you give them that title win was if you also gave Bayley the win for the Raw Women’s title later on in the night so that Damage Control can walk out on Monday covered in gold as the big bads of the company.
But Bayley lost. So what are we doing here? If you want to build this big heel stable then they have to dominate. They can’t pass the titles back and forth because it makes everyone involved look weak.
They’re clearly setting up a Survivor Series War Games match between these 6 women but wouldn’t it have been a bigger triumph for Bianca Beliar, Asuka and Alexa Bliss if they got their asses beat by Damage Control for a couple of months only to finally overcome them at War Games? Instead, they all just pass wins back and forth and none of them look great doing so.
2. Rhea Ripley is next
Speaking of women, there is one thing that has been made extremely clear: Rhea Ripley is taking Bianca Belair’s title. The commentary was really laying on thick how Ripley is the ‘actual’ leader of Judgement Day. That’s not a coincidence.
Put all of your money on her winning the Royal Rumble this January and taking the belt at Wrestlemania.
3. More Scarlett
Don’t have much to say here. Just put more Scarlett on the screen.
4. Roman Reigns is the GOAT
Honestly, the biggest takeaway from Crown Jewel this year is that there are like, no cool wrestlers anymore. If you tried to get a buddy to watch with you, you’d be so embarrassed watching the Usos match against those two random pale dudes with newsy hats on.
The only wrestler on the card that you can just see is cool with the sound off is Roman Reigns who has been made to look like the greatest wrestler of all time. He made a Youtube kid look like one of the best wrestlers in the company.
When John Cena was the guy, did you ever think to yourself ‘man, this guy is cool’? Literally never. Since the attitude era, WWE wrestlers have gradually distanced themselves from cool. There’s no Stone Cold. There’s no Kevin Nash. Roman Reigns is the last of a dying breed of cats who don’t make you feel like a geek for watching them.
I’d be 1000% okay with Reigns just always having both championships for the rest of his life. Look at the rest of this roster. It’s Roman Reigns and everyone else. It’s not close.
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