I hate the Houston Astros.
I will never forget they stole that championship from us, and Rob Manfred let it happen.
And when I say “us”, I don’t just mean Yankees fans.
Those of us who believe actions have consequences.
Who believe in justice.
Who believe that you can’t have a guy in centerfield with a telescope sending in pitches to the dugout, then banging trash cans to let batters know the incoming pitch.
Fuck the Astros.
However, this is the first season I am ready to forgive them.
NEVER FORGET, but forgive.
It helps that Lance McCullers Jr sucks.
Yankees beat the Houston Astros Friday night, 12-4, thanks mainly to the ineptitude of McCullers.
Lance McCullers Jr, this is your tape
Lance McCullers Jr starts the game walking 2 batters and giving up 3 runs in the first, spotting the Yankees 3 off top.
Next trip up, inning 2, beach ball down the middle, lead off bomb to Ryan McMahon, the worst hitter in New York’s lineup.
Ryan McMahon goes the other way for a solo homer!
It’s the only ballpark this would’ve been a home run in pic.twitter.com/xQyXAafgUI
— Talkin’ Yanks (@TalkinYanks) April 25, 2026
Let’s run through McCullers’s Friday nightmare:
- 5.0 IP
- 6 hits
- 5 earned runs
- 4 walks
- 2 homers allowed
- 3 strikeouts
- ERA improves to 6.75 on the season
P.U.
This is McCullers’s 4th consecutive lost start, 3rd straight game allowing 4 or more runs in 5 or fewer innings.
Houston drafted McCullers in 2012. They raised him since infancy. And now, at age 32, a decade into his MLB career, McCullers is one of the worst players on the team, ensuring they lose every 5th day.
But the Yankees didn’t just attack Lance.
Anyone could get it.
Ben Rice blasts his 9th home run of the year to give the @Yankees their 9th run of the game 😮💨 pic.twitter.com/OD2MmAq5tl
— MLB (@MLB) April 25, 2026
The entire infield got a lick in.
1B Ben Rice, 2B Jazz Chisholm, SS Jose Caballero, 3B Ryan McMahon—all hit homers on the Astros.
Ben Rice needed that homer to keep pace with Yordan Alvarez in the opposing dugout.
Ben Rice vs. Yordan Alvarez
Yordan Alvarez is the best hitter in baseball, unfortunately.
But Ben Rice is having a breakout season, ready to snatch Alvarez’s chain.
The Astros DH leads the AL with 11 homers, 26 RBIs, slashing .357/.471/.776 with a 1.247 OPS.
And Ben Rice is directly behind him, 2nd with 9 homers, 20 RBIs, slashing .316/.450/.747 with a 1.197 OPS.
The difference between MVP voters most likely determined by twin-loss records.
The Yankees just won their 7th straight game, flexing on top the AL, best record and highest run differential. Oh you didnt know?
Houston, 10-17, bottom of the AL West, Yordan Alvarez hitting meaningless home runs in a forest no one can hear them.
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