We Need Jackson Mahomes

Patrick Mahomes is the best quarterback on planet Earth who completed one of the biggest comebacks in playoff history against the Buffalo Bills. He’s probably going to prance into his 3rd consecutive Super Bowl.

And with his success comes the nonstop exposure to his hangers-on. His wife Brittany Matthews, who is some sort of fitness influencer or something, and his brother Jackson Mahomes, who is some sort of sassy TikTok influencer who does corny dances at Chiefs games.

Here’s some of their work:

Oops🤷🏼‍♀️ #LETSGOOOOO pic.twitter.com/Pi4WDRgYke

— Brittany Matthews (@brittanylynne8) January 24, 2022

Annoying posts from Jackson Mahomes and Brittany Matthews in 3 … 2 … 1 …pic.twitter.com/n1J7lvZ7TX

— T̷R̷O̷Y̷ ̷H̷U̷G̷H̷E̷S̷ (@TommySledge) January 24, 2022

Jackson Mahomes TOUCHDOWN pic.twitter.com/HEShHaGaFz

— JOE BRRR (@S4m1430SGA) January 24, 2022

Jackson Mahomes shared how excited he was for his brothers win to his fans on TikTok.

Truly moving stuff. pic.twitter.com/9iJAgn9TvJ

— Chris Palladino (@wggchrisp) January 24, 2022

Some of you watched those clips and thought to yourself ‘what a cute little family’ or whatever. Brittany is celebrating her husband’s success and matches the intensity frequently displayed at NFL games while Jackson is a teenage boy doing what all teenage boys are doing these days.

Some of you watched those clips and thought to yourself ‘this is the cringiest shit I’ve ever seen and I need these clout-chasing weirdos removed from social media before I rip my flesh from my skeleton’.

And all of those thoughts could be true at the same time.

It’s not difficult to be a supportive family member without attempting to turn yourself into the main character. Brittany Matthews isn’t the first wife to seek the spotlight but in a ‘read the room’ era of the internet where we call people out for their lack of self-awareness, it’s understandable that we roll our eyes when we see Mahomes’s girl pour champagne on random fans’ heads from the comfort of her press box.

It’s the idea that she so desperately wants to be ‘one of the fans’ when she is the drunk girlfriend who talks too loud and overshares and makes everyone uncomfortable after she has one single sip of alcohol.

Jackson Mahomes also suffers from a lack of self-awareness like when he records a lame-ass zesty TikTok dance in Washington on Sean Taylor’s tribute number spraypainted on the ground. Washington just retired the number for one of their greatest players who was quite literally gunned down in his prime and you’re thirsting for social media clout during his memorial.

But at the end of the day, we need these sociopaths.

Patrick Mahomes is going to be the greatest quarterback ever. We all know this. But unlike Tom Brady or Aaron Rodgers, we don’t really have any reason to hate him. He said he put ketchup on his steak once and people pretended to care but a kid in his early 20’s eating trash food isn’t really enough reason to hate a guy.

There is nothing about Mahomes that makes him fun to make fun of yet. Unless he starts balding like LeBron James, there isn’t anything funny about him. There’s no easy joke. Twitter is a hateful place and Mahomes provides zero fodder for the haters.

Enter Brittany Matthews and Jackson Mahomes who exist exclusively to make us want to rip our skin off our skeletons. They are our way to attack Patrick. It’s truly all we have. Thank you, Jackson, for allowing me to hate on Patrick. You are doing the lord’s work. I’d 1000% rather hate Patrick because his brother is a cocky TikTok weirdo than like, Patrick doing weekly interviews complaining about woke mobs and praising Joe Rogan.

Sidenote: *whispers* I know a lot of you unknowingly hate on the Mahomes family because you subconsciously hate women and gay people and their existence on your timelines ruins your football Sunday. Can’t not point that out and you guys are bigger losers than Brittany and Jackson.