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Tom Brady Will Be The First Player in NFL History To Make Out With a Team Employee

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Shortly after New England Patriots starting QB, Drew Bledsoe, suffered a season-ending injury in 2001, his backup Tom Brady was kidnapped and brought into a football laboratory where he was transformed into an Andriod designed with the sole purpose of winning Super Bowls.

So naturally, whenever he is around his own children he appears extremely uncomfortable and completely unaware of societal norms. One of those norms being, uh, keep your tongue out of your offspring’s throat.

Yum. Very normal. Super normal. The most normal interaction ever. His son is clearly embarrassed by his father’s obsession with tasting his tung. The peace his son must find whenever his father goes to practice or has a game on Sunday and he can just sit and relax and not make out.

Poor kid. He will never free himself from the tyranny of Tom Brady. This 13-year old boy is the human embodiment of the New York Jets. Just being held down by Brady while he has his way.

Also real quick, what 13-year old wants a full time job? Go text girls and watch corny gamers stream on Twitch. Oh, and keep the fuck away from Antonio Brown. This kid has a 0% chance of growing up and being sane. He’s going to be biting women or locking homeless people in cages by the time he goes away to college.

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