in Wrestling

The Pipe Bomb: Wrestling Fans Are Miserable Losers and Ric Flair Just Won’t Die

ric flair

Welcome to The Pipe Bomb, where we discuss the latest news and events from the world of wrestling, both inside and outside the ring. This week we got MJF vs. Kenny Omega, Ric Flair returning to TV and LA Knight reaching his potential.

 

I try not to write articles based on nonsense I specifically see on my timeline. I understand the algorithms are often not real life and you’re typically hearing loud and wrong people exaggerate their opinions for clout.

But something happened this week that I cannot ignore.

Wrestling fans are miserable losers

This week, MJF and Kenny Omega will have their first match Saturday Night Collison for the AEW World Championship. Wrestling fans should be universally cheering what will inevitably be Match of the Year. Instead, they are crying and complaining about the lack of ‘build’ to the match.

You see, it’s actually a *bad* thing to get a dream match on free television on short notice but we, as fans, are supposed to be concerned about ticket sales and TV ratings and shit.

The Internet Wrestling Community is hell on Earth. A joyless realm where fans are constantly discussing the business side of the product as if they are board members whose vacation homes are affected by PPV buy rates.

Personally, I blame Conrad Thompson.

His podcast series where he sits down with guys like Eric Bischoff, Jim Cornette or Bruce Pritchard has convinced a generation of wrestling fans to believe they not only fully understand the business behind professional wrestling but that they are all better bookers and marketers than Tony Khan or Triple H.

Sometimes it feels like I’m the last wrestling fan who genuinely likes wrestling. Everyone else seems obsessed with the financial ramifications of decisions that don’t matter.

Why should I, the consumer, give any shits about MJF vs. Kenny Omega being given to me for FREE as opposed to at a PPV? I really think we’ve lost the plot here.

Of course that matchup is big enough to sell out an arena and draw a big PPV number but why would I give a fuck about any of that? AEW isn’t going to file for bankruptcy if their ticket sales drop. If anything, I’m rooting for a little financial hardship so maybe Tony Khan finally fires expensive wrestlers. Gett Matt Hardy off of my television.

MJF and Kenny Omega don’t need months to set up this match. In fact, I’d make the argument that AEW leans on long-term storytelling too much to the point where Saraya and Ruby Soho are still doing their HORRIBLE Outcasts spray painting gimmick every week solely because they’re waiting for either Brit Baker or Jamie Hayer to come back from injury. Or even dumber, they’re waiting for Mercedes Mone to say yes to a match with Saraya.

Max and Kenny are fighting because MJF is about to pass Kenny’s all-time AEW Championship reign. This is more than enough reason to get me hyped for this. We don’t need to overthink this.


Yea uh, y’all can focus on ticket sales as if you get a cut of the profits. I’ll watch the greatest wrestling match of the year. Losers.

Go Away, Ric

Last year, Ric Flair had his final match. I’d describe it as a room full of people gaslighting an elderly man into believing he was far more important to all of their lives than he actually was.

And that’s not to say Ric isn’t a legend who changed the sport and all that shit but no one was excited to watch a geriatric man fake a heart attack to sell his comeback victory against Jeff fucking Jarrett.

Tony Khan spent all week hyping up a ‘gift’ for Sting following his retirement announcement the week prior.

Good for Sting pretending to be excited about this. It’s why he’s one of the greats.

He was handed shit his entire career and did it humbly with a smile on his face. You could make the argument Sting would be the unanimously GOAT. If only he simply said “no” to any of the countless times WCW embarrassed him or that time he finally went to WWE and lost to Triple H.

But it’s 2023. Society has evolved past the need for Ric Flair on their televisions. Ric looks like he’s one cough away from tag-teaming with Chris Benoit in hell.

And for as progressive as Tony Khan is, it’s strange to glorify this rapist the same month as Tony’s cocaine-fueled Twitter rants about Vince and all of his sexual assaults. I obviously understand how cool it is to call Ric Flair, have him actually answer the call, ask him to show up and have him actually say yes. We’re all wrestling fans. I get it.

But then you have to take a step back and ask yourself “Do I really want to give so much TV time to these dying relics when the women’s division is in shambles? When guys like Daniel Garcia and Takeshita and Brian Cage and Hook and Keith Lee and Kommander and Lee Moriarty and Rush and Wheeler Yuta watch in the back with no interesting creative plans coming in the foreseeable future?”

Fuck Ric Flair. We should’ve never seen his red, alcoholic ass face after Shawn Michaels kicked it off his shoulders at Wrestlemania 24.

Get his ass, Christian.

 

LA Knight reaches his peak

It’s finally happening next weekend. LA Knight vs. Roman Reigns for the Undisputed WWE Universal Championship. Vince McMahon pretended like they couldn’t hear arenas across the country exploding whenever his music hit. Last time WWE was in Saudi Arabia, they chanted LA Knight’s name at Triple H during his press conference.

LA Knight has managed to make the entire WWE universe obsess over him by shouting “YEAAA” over and over. He reminds people of The Rock and Stone Cold because in 2023, he’s one of the last guys who talks shit instead of winking at the camera and being cute and ironic.

Truly, no one in this company has benefited from Roman Reigns being absent all year more than Roman Reigns and LA Knight—who was able to occupy Roman’s spot as the best promo on the show and used a microphone to get himself over in the midst of the dog shit WWE was throwing at him like random matches against Hit Row and New Day.

A year of embarrassing dudes has put him in the position where he can go to Saudi Arabia and lose the biggest match of his life.

LA Knight is 1000% losing this match. He will never be the WWE Champion. This match is a reward. It’s WWE saying thank you to the guy leading their merchandise sales. It’s an acknowledgment of his year being the most over wrestler on the planet.

But the only person who is beating Roman Reigns is Cody Rhodes and after losing to Roman at Wrestlemania 39, you can expect Cody to have his own way-too-long title reign meaning LA Knight will once again get a shot and he will lose. Again, that’s the problem with long-term storytelling. It doesn’t really allow for major pivots.

We are about to watch the biggest moment of LA Knight’s career before he becomes a mid-card comedy act that sells t-shirts and maybe like, wins a tag team championship with someone who is mute or speaks a different language for some lazy odd couples-style jokes.

This is the death of LA Knight happening right before our eyes.

YEAAAAAAA. YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. *passes out*
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Is MJF vs. Kenny Omega about to be the match of the year?  Leave a comment below. Respond on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram. Or shoot me an email at Deadseriousmailbag@gmail.com. Let’s chat, bay-beeeee. Let me know if you think Ric Flair deserves more TV time so I can swat your home.

 

Written by thelesterlee

Creator of Deadseriousness. Diehard Knicks, Yankees and Giants fan who wants to create a sports and pop culture space that isn't the same copy and pasted AI content you see everywhere else.

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