The One Big Part of the Story Left Out of the Johnny Manziel Documentary

Netflix’s Untold Documentary series dropped a new episode this week about Johnny Manziel and he is exactly the person we all thought he was. Last time we heard about Manziel, he was a drunk loser and when the doc ends, he’s still a drunk loser.

Personally, I don’t find the Johnny Manziel story particularly unique. He is not the first man to self-destruct after experiencing a crumb of success. And he is one of about a bajillion white kids who fail upwards after facing zero consequences for any of his actions.

The doc was missing one major part of the Manziel story but before we get into that, let’s quickly run through a few hilarious moments from Johnny Football’s lackluster life:

Journalism is dead: Up until watching this documentary in the year 2023, I was under the impression Johnny Manziel came from a wealthy oil dynasty when in reality, he and his cokehead buddy lied to the press in order to cover up all of the money they were making selling autographs to one of Alex Rodriguez’s many sketchy, alleyway Miami criminals.

No one in the media did the work to actually find out what Manziel’s parents did and their actual salaries but because Manziel gave up rich kid vibes so we all went with their story, no questions asked.

The Cleveland Browns are an unserious organization: Manziel tells the story of how he and his wide receivers got blackout drunk the not before his workout with the Cleveland Browns. Johnny has no problem performing hungover as hell, so while his receivers were passed out in the hotel room, Manziel had to throw passes to his agent and the Browns offensive coordinator, Kyle Shanahan.

Not only did the Browns draft Manziel following a workout that I could only describe as a waste of everyone’s time, but Cleveland TRADED UP to select him with the no. 22 pick.

The season before, Cleveland won only 4 games and then fired every coach and front office exec. The new regime was somehow even worse than the 4-win group. They watched Manziel—on the most important day of his life—play catch with his agent while reeking of alcohol from the night before. I wouldn’t be shocked if Manziel pulled into the parking lot, hopped out of his truck and 5 empty Natty Lights can awkwardly spilled onto the ground.

Last year, the Browns traded for a known sexual predator and gave him one of the biggest contracts in the history of the sport. The Browns are still a very unserious organization.

I am shocked they didn’t sign Manziel’s agent to a 1-year deal after that bullshit workout.

Kliff Kingsbury is a scammer: Kliff has skated his way into so much money without ever doing much to earn it. Kingsbury was the offensive coordinator for Texas A&M when Manziel was showing up to games with hot tequila breath.

He was fully aware Manziel was popping oxys but he was winning football games so he allowed it. Then he used Manziel as a stepping stone to get the Texas Tech job and eventually scamming the Arizona Cardinals into hiring him as an NFL head coach despite never really having much success without Johnny Manziel scrambling around outside the pocket with a bloody coke nose.

But there was one major omission from this entire Johnny Manziel documentary: He wasn’t that good at quarterback.

Johnny Manziel was 5-foot-10 and was college football fast but that speed doesn’t translate in the NFL against grown-ass professional athletes. He also made terrible decisions frequently throwing jump balls up for anyone to pick out of the air.

The doc makes it seem like Manziel’s career ended because of his mental health issues.

He said he had everything he wanted and wasn’t happy and all of that could be true. But I genuinely think Manziel’s career ended because he was no longer able to sleepwalk through his days. In the NFL, he had to put a real effort in and do the work for the first time in his life and he wanted nothing to do with that.

The doc ends with him shotgunning beers with his boys at the crib. He doesn’t work. He doesn’t go to rehab or counseling. He doesn’t take medication for his diagnosed bipolar disorder. Manziel just wants to chill and rip drunk cigarettes with the homies. He doesn’t want to watch film or set an alarm in the morning or have to respond to emails.

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