I hate seeing leaked text messages hit the timeline. Always feels like a massive invasion of privacy and makes intimate, personal conversations sound insane when broadcast to the public. I read every single text screenshot I see but I’m not proud about it. Over the weekend, I saw a screenshot I absolutely should not have. […]
The Carolina Panthers are a local high school JV team accidentally placed on an NFL schedule so it’s understandable that by Week 10, no one is really interested in talking about this team but Bryce Young quietly won a start against the New Orleans Saints last week. And he’s not as ass as he looked […]
Earlier this week, the Denver Broncos informed Russell Wilson he will be released after going 11-19 as a starter in two super strange seasons. Denver signed Russ to a $245 million extension as soon as he arrived and they might as well have lit that money on fire or spent it on one of those […]
Last offseason, the Carolina Panthers knew there was a stud at the top of the draft and went out of their way to secure the future of their franchise. So they traded their star wide receiver, DJ Moore, to the Chicago Bears for the 2023 no. 1 overall pick and picked up their generational quarterback, […]
The Carolina Panthers have found their new head coach. Last week, they hired the Tampa Bay Buccaneers offensive coordinator, Dave Canales. The Panthers desperately need a coach capable of squeezing any ounce of talent from their No. 1 overall picked QB, Bryce Young. Bryce Young was supposed to turn this franchise around. He won 2 […]
As of right now, there of six NFL head coaching vacancies but no two landing spots are the same. All six come with their own unique challenges and advantages. Every job has its perks and such. Most of these jobs suck, though. I can’t stress that enough. Let’s rank the 2023 NFL head coaching vacancies: […]
I’m going into 2024 with a new positive attitude. It feels like I spend all day scrolling various timelines and newsfeeds just looking for things to make me angry. That’s 2023 behavior. This year, let’s relax and realize none of these things are super important and the stakes are super low, more often than not. […]
No one enjoys going into a job and being compared to one of the greatest ever. It puts an unearthly level of pressure on someone. One time I started a busboy job and on the first day, the staff kept telling me stories about how talented Andre was—the busboy who held it down before me. […]
This week, Dom Capers had his first press conference after being hired as an assistant defensive coach for the Carolina Panthers. The 72-year-old decided he was going to show up to this press conference fresh as hell with a brand new and totally normal and regular haircut. Dom Capers at the podium. Spoke of the […]
Baker Mayfield was the no. 1 overall pick in 2018 NFL Draft. Now he’s on his 3rd team after being claimed off waivers this week by the Los Angeles Rams because Matt Stafford banged up his spine and can’t play this season. The Rams are currently 3-9 and have punted on the 2022 season. They […]
I’ve experienced so much joy this season watching the world realize Matt Rhule is a scammer who has no idea how to coach a winning football program and now I am being punished for my hubris as Rhule will be the new head coach of my Nebraska Cornhuskers. Nebraska is hiring Matt Rhule as their […]
In the middle of the night, the San Francisco 49ers stole All-Pro running back, Christian McCaffrey, from the Carolina Panther in exchange for 4 draft picks. Typically, I am all for teams going out there and acquiring the best talent available. Nothing bothers me more than when a team is on the cusp of greatness […]
While Baker Mayfield was sharpening the chip on his shoulder and posting dumb police statistics on Instagram, the Cleveland Browns traded for a sexual predator and signed him to a disgusting $230 million guaranteed contract. Not great for Baker. Or the local massage therapists in the greater Ohio area. The Browns also signed Jacoby Brissett […]
In 2020, the Carolina Panthers cut Cam Newton. Since that moment, they have proven to have no idea how to locate their next quarterback. Teddy Bridgewater, PJ Walker, Sam Darnold and Cam Newton (lol) have all led this team to a 10-23 record these past two seasons so it made sense for them to spend […]
Cam Newton is miraculous. A true one-of-a-kind unicorn. We have never, in the history of history, witnessed a football player look so cool on the field and be such a fucking loser off of it. His ability to amaze you with a football in his hands matched with his ability to just be the biggest […]
For some reason, people are interviewing Carolina Panthers sometimes quarterback, Sam Darnold and for some reason, Darnold has a lot to say for a guy who has thrown only 18 touchdowns to 24 interceptions the last two seasons. Here’s some cute quotes Darnold gave in this interview: “I have enough security in myself where I […]
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