Russell Wilson is a Sociopath

I’ve avoided dunking on Russell Wilson this season because the jokes are over once the least funny people you know start making their own low-quality memes. And you know the people I’m talking about. They probably have Barstool in their usernames or follow Clay Travis.

But every time I’m bored of the Russell Wilson discourse, he comes back with something weirder and cringier than ever before.

Speaking to reporters Wednesday after Denver’s practice — held at a school whose alums include Winston Churchill, Wilson also said he did rehab for his sore hamstring on the Broncos’ chartered flight to England.

“I was doing treatment on the plane,” he said. “Everybody else was knocked out and I was walking up and down the aisles, high knees, working on my legs, making sure I was ready to rock.”

First, I have to say how much I hate the way ESPN wrote that. Are we comparing Wilson to Winston Churchill athletically? Or is this some lame fun fact you always tell people at parties you were reluctantly invited to? Like “Did you know Abraham Lincoln was actually a Republican??”

There are layers to how odd this story is. Let’s wade through all of this sewage.

On its surface, Russ doing fucking HIGH KNEES while the team is sleeping on a long-ass flight to London is the most insane, look-at-me thing to do. He’s in the biggest professional sports league in the world with the best doctors in the country. At no point in the history of the league have any of those doctors instructed any of their injured players to skip around the team plane to rehab.

This wasn’t about healing his hamstring.

It was about letting his teammates know that man, he really wishes he was back out there on the field battling with the guys. But if he had any clout in that locker room, he wouldn’t have to do fucking jumping jacks on the plane to prove that to them.

There’s another nasty layer of not only doing calisthenics on the plane but immediately bragging to ESPN reporters about it. If a tree fell in the woods and no one was around to hear it, you can trust that Russell Wilson will run to the nearest microphone to tell the world that a tree did in fact fall in the woods. Lisa Salters would get several emails from Russ about it.

Pretending to rehab in front of your teammates is one thing but rushing to tell the media is next-level weirdo shit.

(I also haven’t seen any of his teammates confirm this actually happened which would make Russell Wilson an ever bigger psycho for lying about doing all this conveniently while all 52 players on the roster happened to all be asleep just so strangers online can pat him on the head and say ‘good job’)

Before we dive further into the psyche of a man desperate for attention, it’s important to point out that he suuuuucks this season.

Here’s what he’s done so far this season and where it ranks amongst other QBs in the league:

1,442 passing yards (20th behind Jimmy G)
5 passing TDs (tied for 26th with Joe Flacco who hasn’t played in weeks, Cooper Rush who is a backup and Bailey Zappe who Bill Belichick created in a lab like, 15 days ago)
83.4 passer rating (25th behind Davis Mills and Carson Wentz who is just the worst QB I’ve ever seen)

Russell Wilson is putting up Mitch Trubisky numbers and still behaving like he’s a superstar MVP candidate. Every week there is a new TikTok video that makes him look like a maniac.

The crying girl on tik tok is less cringe #RussellWilson pic.twitter.com/PbSszUCHOB

— The Get Back Coach (@TheGBCoach) August 5, 2020

Mr. Unlimited.

It’s one thing to be an ultra-positive stereotypical ‘quarterback’ privately in the locker room or the sidelines when you’re mic’d up for a nationally televised game or in meetings or whatever but Russell’s need to always put cameras on every super corny thing he does is when you reach sociopath level. Not a thread of self-awareness to be seen.

The Broncos are going to get the first pick in the draft and won’t be able to draft a new quarterback because they have to pay this slow, dead-armed, geriatric sociopath a bajillion dollars until 2026.

Let’s all enjoy cringing when a Russell Wilson and Ciara Tiktok ends up on our timeline where Russ is talking with an entirely new voice to fit in with brown people. Let’s all enjoy watching Russ underthrow his receivers and smile after like a lunatic.

The world is safer with Russ on a football field. This type of man cannot be released upon local civilians. The death count would be unimaginable.