The Real Reason The Detroit Pistons Can't Win Basketball Games

Everyone loses from time to time. Some of us lose more than others. Not me though. I’m a massive sore loser who will flip a table over if I even think you’re cheating at Scrabble. I’ve been physically removed from parties for knocking over beer-pong tables when I was losing.

But the Detroit Pistons are taking losing to the next level.

On Wednesday night, the Detroit Pistons lost 111-129 to the Philadelphia 76ers. It would be their 21st consecutive loss. That ties a Pistons franchise record. Detroit is now 2-22 this year and it looks like they’ll never win another basketball game.

Something weird is going on in Michigan.

Why are the Pistons this bad?

The Pistons shouldn’t be the worst team in the NBA right now.

Cade Cunningham was supposed to be the generational talent they built a championship team around. He was drafted in 2021 and it still feels like he hasn’t figured it out yet.

Cade’s sophomore season was cut short by a shin surgery.

It’s already difficult for a young point guard to figure out the NBA and Cade missing a year has delayed this rebuild at least another year.

Point guards have the most responsibility.

They dictate the pace, they have to understand the moods of all of their teammates and know which guys need to touch the ball to get them going and make them care about playing defense on the other end.

Look at Mike Conley in Minnesota. He is the quiet essential piece keeping that team at the 1 seed. It’s the point guard’s job to recognize any chinks in the armor and plug the holes before the boat takes any water.

The Pistons boat is full of water and Cade Cunningham is dramatically flailing to keep his neck above water.

He isn’t a great perimeter shooter and that’s a problem for Detroit because no one on this team is. Cade shares a backcourt with Killian Hayes who’s shooting 31% from 3 so neither man is great from distance.

In transition, Cade looks like Jason Kidd out there. He has eyes everywhere like a housefly ready to throw up a lob or reward any guy in a Pistons jersey who runs the floor with him.

But in the halfcourt, no one is capable of getting their own buckets except Bojan Bogdanovic and there’s a 99% chance Bogdanovic will be traded to a playoff contender by the time you even read this.

Speaking of trades, let’s talk about the Pistons front-office decisions.

Did Troy Weaver ruin this team?

Troy Weaver was hired in 2020 after the team finished with a grand total of 20 wins. Fast forward 3 years and they’d be lucky to win 20 games this season. Sometimes I think GMs like to keep the rebuild going to trick their bosses into believing they are geniuses with the foresight to understand basketball on a 4D level¹.

I don’t think Troy sees basketball on a 4D level, by the way.

Drafting Killian Hayes instead of Tyrese Haliburton or Tyrese Maxey might be the biggest mistake of Troy Weaver’s entire life.

But he also made some other high-risk moves that haven’t led to shit.

He acquired James Wiseman from Golden State and Marvin Bagley III from Sacramento—two big men whose original teams gave up on them.

I’m all for acquiring lottery picks for cheap when you’re in a rebuild. These lottery picks have been dominant their entire basketball careers and you’re taking the chance that a fresh start will unlock their talent and confidence.

No one’s talent has been unlocked in Detroit. No one is confident here. Killian Hayes hasn’t improved much. Wiseman and Bagley are still busts. Shit, they barely even play.

Is this a coaching issue?

Monty Williams is the second highest-paid coach in the NBA. His team has 2 wins.

In his entire coaching career, Monty Williams only has ONE winning season without Chris Paul as his point guard.

It was the 2014-15 New Orleans Pelicans. He had Anthony Davis and Jrue Holiday.

Last time Monty was a head coach, he was at war with his players. He refused to work with Jae Crowder and he let it be known he did not fuck with DeAndre Ayton.

This isn’t the man you task with developing a young team full of guys all looking to establish themselves as worthy of maintaining their spots in the NBA.

Monty is a guy you hire to take over a contender who fired their head coach because their team was getting stagnant. He would’ve been great for the Milwaukee Bucks this year. And it wouldn’t been hilarious as hell to see him reunited with Jae Crowder.

But the Piston losing every game isn’t Cade Cunningham’s fault. And sure, the front office made some mistakes but they aren’t at fault here. Monty Williams robbed this organization but he isn’t to blame either.

So what’s the real reason the Detroit Pistons can’t win?

Wingstop isn’t slick. We know Pistons aren’t winning much😭 pic.twitter.com/3VzEC2oVf7

— NBA Memes (@NBAMemes) December 8, 2023

In October, Wingstop and the Pistons entered a partnership. All you have to do is use promo code “Pistons” after Detroit wins and you get 5 free wings. The team hasn’t won since this deal started.

Interesting.

Now, I’m not implying Wingstop is secretly paying these players on the side to lose on purpose. If Wingstop could afford enough to make these millionaires throw their season away then they’d be able to afford giving some Pistons fans 5 free wings.

I don’t think anyone on this team is getting a sketchy brown paper bag of cash under the table at Bakersfield between rounds of pineapple margaritas.

No, it’s not money that’s making the Pistons suck. Wingstop has the goons at Jaden Ivey’s house. The Pistons win a game and some family members might end up floating in the Detroit River that night. Cade Cunningham goes for a jog and there’s a red dot on his chest from the Wingstop snipers.

Shout out to the Wingstop shooters. I don’t want any problems. I pay full price for all of my wings. Even when the mango habanero flavor made me throw up that one time. It was my fault. Bless don’t murder my family, Mr. Wingstop.

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