I Just Don’t Have What It Takes To Be As Successful as Pat McAfee

I used to be obsessed with Deadseriousness page views. It was the only thing I cared about. I’d go entire days without eating—pumping out 10,15,20 garbage, clickbait articles to collect wildly fluctuating views—as I flippantly exploited teacher/student sex scandals and embarrassed addicts displaying Florida Man-esque behaviors for inconsistent checks from Google.

Just churning out shitty, low-quality Barstool Sports-flavored pig fodder under the guise of building some fantasy media brand on top of a flimsy foundation of shocking headlines with no actual substance or nutrients in any of the words written.

One night, a woman who I had written about, messaged the Deadseriousness Facebook Page begging me to take the article down—explaining it was the worst decision of her life and she was having trouble finding employment because her name appeared in these stories.

I was so focused on getting attention, I didn’t care how many people I lit on fire to draw a crowd. But that crowd wasn’t seeing me. They wanted to see what was on fire. And I don’t blame them. Fire is exciting—but temporary.

I don’t want to write fast food disposable content off the backs of people who are genuinely struggling (or being groomed by their teachers—no matter how small-town hot they are).

I don’t have what it takes to be as successful as Pat McAfee.

Pat McAfee doesn’t give a fuck

On February 26th, The Pat McAfee show aired live from the NFL Combine. Adam Schefter was the guest. The same Adam Schefter who wanted Myles Garrett charged with assault after he hit Mason Rudolph with his own helmet.

The night before, I saw a bunch of Twitter threads and out-of-context tweets about an Ole Miss sorority girl who had sex with her boyfriend’s brother or father or something.

37-year old fully grown adult man, Pat McAfee, asked Adam Schefter, of all people, “Have you heard about Ole Miss?”—before one of the lottery winners—who miraculously have media careers because of their relationship and proximity to a charismatic retired punter—jumped in and added “There is a ménage à trois”

McAfee then goes on to explain the Twitter rumor to ESPN’s no. 1 NFL reporter—who is sitting next to Pat for the sole purpose of discussing the 2025 NFL Draft.

Well, Mary Kate Cornett—the young woman mocked on one of the most popular sports programs on television—didn’t love the new attention, as the rumors were manufactured and she wasn’t having secret family affairs.

Now she’s suing the Pat McAfee show, saying she and her family are being harassed by lunatics desperate to call a woman a slut because their first crush didn’t like them when they were 13. Her phone number was posted online, leading to nonstop evil voicemails.

This young woman is drowning because Pat McAfee wanted to wink at his dangerously online audience, sharing a fake story with his massive following.

The same Pat McAfee who has Aaron Rodgers on every Sunday to question vaccines and call Jimmy Kimmel a pedophile. The same Pat McAfee who excitedly called Caitlin Clark a “white bitch”, unprovoked, in an attempt to defend the narrative that WNBA players were jealous of Clark, or whatever he was doing.

I’d for sure hang out with Aaron Rodgers—listening to his theories on how Dr. Fauci created HIV or how Elon Musk secretly has the Severance brain chip—but I wouldn’t be in a hurry to record the conversation for content purposes—especially if I had the eyes on Deadseriousness that Pat McAfee has on his show.

The Pat McAfee Show YouTube account has 2.8 million subscribers. Hundreds of thousands of people watch him live. He’s in a 5-year, $85 million contract with ESPN.

He drives eyes to his product, positively or negatively, and that means ESPN can sell more ads, making McAfee an indispensable on-air talent—free to say whatever he wants, regardless of the fallout, because Cash Rules Everything Around Me.

I will never have those same opportunities because I don’t think I want to call Caitlin Clark a bitch or laugh at a teenager’s sex life. I’d rather mock guys like Elon Musk and Pat McAfee—guys who have everything—instead of Mary Kate Cornett or someone who has nothing.

I don’t want to be McAfee or Stephen A or Dave Portnoy or any of these sports media guys making millions if it means lighting fires for attention. I don’t want those views.

So shout out to anyone who likes the stuff I do here. I’ll be here trying to write some decently clever shit every day and hopefully, those of you who like it, really like it. I know the internet kinda sucks these days with social media algorithms stuffing a funnel down your throat and force-feeding you Nazis and attention-desperate contrarians—and I don’t want to further contribute to the destruction of our brains.

Let’s get weird over here at Deadseriousness. Thanks for reading.

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