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New York Giants @ Tennessee Titans Week 1 Live Article

giants week 1

After a gruesome 2021 season ending with Joe Judge calling a quarterback kneel on 3rd down near his own goal line in the ultimate loser move and Dave Gettleman—the worst GM in modern NFL history—received a warm retirement celebration instead of the embarrassing firing he deserved, GIANTS FOOTBALL BACK, BABYYYY.

Some quick bad news before kickoff:

Sick. The two best (and only good) pass rushers on the team are out so with Derrick Henry most likely rushing for 9,000 yards today, expect Ryan Tannehill to have allllll the time in the world every single play action. This game is going to be a nightmare.
Refresh the page of come back to this page when you’re bored for live updates on my thoughts through this entire game.

 

1st offensive drive

  • The Giants are starting the season punting on 3rd and inches. This is the year we are about to have. Enjoy.
  • Everyone get used to Jamie Gillan being on the field more than anyone else.
  • From as long as I could remember, the Giants have never been able to fucking tackle a punt returner.

1st defensive drive

  • You know who would be great at stopping Derrick Henry? Blake Martinez who was randomly cut last week with no explanation.
  • Shout out Oshane Ximines for stopping his completely unblocked pass rush and easy sack on Tannehill so that he could complete the first down pass. We are going to have the most generous defense in the NFL.
  • TD Titans. Ok.

2nd offensive drive

  • A completed pass by Daniel Jones??? 17-0 incoming.
  • A seconded completed pass for a first down??? Super Bowl incoming.
  • I have no idea who Richie James is but I imagine he shouldn’t be running jet sweeps on 1st down like he’s some playmaking gamebreaker.
  • Love when you get called for holding and STILL allow a big sack like, if you’re going to hold then reallyyyy hold that man.
  • Back-to-back penalties. Brian Daboll announcing he has no desire in winning Coach of the Year.
  • *Googles Richie James*

 

2nd defensive drive

  • Injuring Derrick Henry is a genius playcall. Gregg Williams is smiling up from hell.
  • [Spider-Man meme but it’s Daniel Jones and Ryan Tannehill]
  • Seriously, who is Richie James?

3rd offensive drive

  • One day I hope to be able to watch what a good offensive line looks like. Perhaps this front office should stop signing line cooks and truck drivers to protect their QB.
  • Okay, so Richie James spent the first 3 years of his career on the 49ers. Last season he recorded a receiving touchdown which is more than Kenny Golladay.

3rd defensive drive

  • Amazing pass interference by Aaron Robinson. Tackling the receiver while the ball is in the air and getting away with it has to be good for team morale. Cheating>>>>
  • Huge W not jumping offsides before the quarter ends. Joe Judge’s team would’ve dogpilled Tannehill there.
  • Dontrell Hilliard is having fun. I’m not.
  • The fact that this game is still only 0-7 is a phenomenal feat for this defense consisting of zero talented players.
  • 0-10*

 

4th offensive drive

  • This is the part of the year where Saquon Barkley looks like the greatest running back in NFL history and I trick myself into thinking he’s the next Barry Sanders.
  • Kenny Golladay decided to punch in today.
  • Daniel Jones is my arch nemesis. Just no idea where any pass rusher is and when they arrive, he looooooves just handing them the football. Again, this is the most generous football ever.

 

Fuck.

4th defensive drive

  • There’s a white dude named Cody Hollister? I can’t keep watching this game.
  • Did not expect the Giants to just be the 2000 Baltimore Ravens when it comes to run-stopping.
  • DERRICK HENRY WASHED ALERT

5th offensive drive

  • Look at that cut. Saquon Barkley with brand new knees is a different beast. Oh no I’m tricking myself.

  • Time to really unleash Richie James.

5th defensive drive

  • Ryan Tannehill and Daniel Jones are literally the same exact players except the Titans have NFL level offensive linemen and the Giants have guys who should take the upcoming police exam.
  • Down 0-13 at the two minute warning. Not shocked at the 0 points. That the Giants’ shit. But holding Tennesee to 13 is shocking. Some of these guys might actually be on the roster next season. God, it’s week 1 and I’m already punting the year and focusing on next season.
  • Nice fair catch by my favorite player of all: Richie James.

6th offensive drive

  • There’s no way the Giants score a single point with less than a minute to go but just please don’t fumble or tear an ACL. Like, please.
  • RICHIE JAMES BAY-BEEEEEEEE
  • Daniel Jones ending the first half with 9 completions and 11 attempts. #NeverForget.

 

Halftime thoughts:

Good teams convert 3rd downs. Bad teams don’t. That is all.

 

6th defensive drive

  • Ohhhhhh okay yea this is when Derrick Henry starts doing Derrick Henry shit, huh? Miiiight have to turn off the Washed Alert.
  • HAHAHAHA WASHED ALERT
  • Nice 1-yard punt return by my boy Richie.

 

7th offensive drive

  • SAQUON FUCKING BARKLEY LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
  • SAQUON BARKLEY IS THE GREATEST RUNNING BACK IN NFL HISTORY AND I WAS NEVER IN MY LIFE SKEPTICAL OF HIM
  • A more miserable man would say something about the botched extra point but after watching a year of the Giants being allergic to the endzone, I will simply say ‘dang’.

7th defensive drive

  • I went to pee and the Titans are suddenly on their own 10-yard line. Are the Giants actually like, competing in this game?? I’m going to be hurt very very soon.
  • A defensive stop?? Okay, yea, the Giants are the best team in the league.

 

8th offensive drive

  • HOLY SHIT GIVE DANIEL JONES $60 MILLION GUARANTEED WE ARE GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL
  • 13 unanswered points. Who are these guys in Giants jerseys? Is this what an offense looks like?? Jason Garrett would’ve ran Saquon Barkley up the middle 3 straight times and punted with a smile on his face.

 

8th defensive drive

  • Kyle Phillips and Cody Hollister?? Did the Titans do an Invincible style tryout for wide receivers this summer?
  • Mike Vrabel in the NYPD cap looks like he’ll choke you out for trying to jump the turnstile in the subways and then planet a bag of coke in your back pocket when he’s cuffing you.
  • Love the Giants linebackers pretending to be blitzing only to drop back in coverage nowhere near the receiver wide open in the middle of the field. Might as well have fucking blitzed.
  • If it were me, I’d probably pay closer attention to Hillard if he keeps scoring touchdowns against me but you know, I’m built different, I reckon.
  • 13-20. Ok.

9th offensive drive

  • Have I mentioned how terrible this offensive line is yet?

9th defensive drive

  • Did the Titans not practice this week? An insane amount of penalties for a team that’s in the playoffs every year. Well, obviously not this year.

10th offensive drive

  • Kadarius Toney is special, man. I mean, he’s also very clearly a sociopath who will for sure be suspended by the team at some point for spitting at a coach or fighting a teammate.
  • *puts on Richie James jersey*
  • *takes off Richie James jersey*
  • If you live in Tennesee, it looks like they’ll need a new generic white guy to replace Kyle Phillips

11th offensive drive

  • Daniel Jones is going to be the best backup QB in the league next year. Just an amazing interception in the endzone. Nathan Peterman could never.

11th defensive drive

  • I genuinely do not want to keep doing this article. That interception hurt my feelings.
  • The only good news is Derrick Henry hasn’t embarrassed anyone yet.
  • The Titans want to lose this game soooo badly. As do the Giants.

12th offensive drive

  • Saquon Barkley is carrying the Giants on his back. Everyone is trying to lose except him okay wait he fumbled he wants to lose too.
  • Kadarius Toney is going to have the biggest play of the year at some point. Madden ‘elusive’ rating at 100.
  • Daniel Jones should probably stop playing football in slippers. He falls like he’s running on ice. Can he please borrow someone’s cleats?
  • Enjoying the shit out of this Saquon game before the post-game press conference where he inevitably says he did this for the NYPD or some corny nonsense.
  • Chris Myarick now has more touchdowns than Kenny Golladay had last year.
  • Oh god they’re going for 2. I might delete this whole fucking website.
  • LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SAQUON BARKLEY 4 PRESIDENT
  • THE GIANTS ARE GOING 17-0 AND NO ONE CAN TELL ME OTHERWISE GET THE TITANS THE FUUUUUCK OUT OF HERE BUILD THE BRIAN DABOLL STATUE IN NEW JERSEY IT’LL BE THE ONLY COOL THING IN NEW JERSEY SINCE VINCE CARTER PLAYED FOR THE NETS

Written by thelesterlee

Creator of Deadseriousness. Diehard Knicks, Yankees and Giants fan who wants to create a sports and pop culture space that isn't the same copy and pasted AI content you see everywhere else.

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