Modern politics is a series of body blows dressed like Democracy.
Graham Platner should never have been here. We shouldn’t have known who this guy was. There’s a Graham Platner black out drunk at every dive bar, lying to whoever gets trapped in a conversation with them. Never once have I met one of those winos and thought, “This man should be writing legislation!”
In August 2025, Graham Platner launched his Senate campaign, backed by local Maine labor and community groups—the war veteran and aesthetically “working class” (a white guy who wears flannel) came out swinging for Maine’s Democratic seat—calling out the “oligarchs”, wow SAT word—and the monied interests driving legislation—accusing the incumbant, Susan Collins, of selling her people out.
Cool.
Sure.
Didn’t take long, October, like, 6 weeks later—his skull and bones chest tattoo was revealed, a sigil connected to Nazi Germany.
A “Totenkopf”, for those who want to Google the image of a thing I didn’t even know existed but a guy running for office did.
Although he claimed he didn’t know of its Nazi origins.
A former girlfriend said he absolutely knew it was a Nazi tattoo because, of course he fucking knew.
Old Reddit posts from Graham Platner show a guy who went to Iraq and Afghanistan and definitely left his tours with a Nazi tattoo on his chest.
Further snowballs of information showed his strange relationship with women, leading to the recent news of a sexual assault he committed on an on-again/off-again girlfriend.
The woman, a 41-year-old Maine resident named Jenny Racicot, detailed the alleged incident to POLITICO in three interviews over the past two weeks. POLITICO also spoke with a man Racicot dated and confided in the years after the alleged incident, and reviewed documents, including emails between Racicot and her therapist and messages between Racicot and an acquaintance whom she warned against getting involved with Platner years before he ran for office.
“I remember him grabbing my pelvis and being really forceful of me,” she said. “I remember the specific moment where I thought to myself, like, ‘This is no longer my choice.’” (Politico)
Graham Platner denied the allegations but it doesn’t matter. You can’t have a Nazi tattoo, and boast about your imperial Middle East conquests and sexually assault women.
Well, you can, just not if you plan on running as a progressive Democrat. As a Republican, that’s a resume fit for the Oval Office.
Voters, desperate to breath life into a better world through wealth distribution—transferring money from the offshore accounts of the rich down to the streets of the workers who spend their entire lives underwater, paycheck-to-paycheck, one emergency or accident away from homelessness, busting their asses day-in, day-out, helping put more money into those offshore accounts—placed all their faith in the incoherent mumblings of an alcoholic predator who pretends like he is just now learning what Nazis are, despite permantly etching their insignias into his flesh.
This is American politics now.
We have Republicans proudly stripping back human rights, making life as difficult as possible for anyone who isn’t in Donald Trump’s Myspace Top 8.
A Democratic party dedicated to maintaining the status quo. Paid by monied interests to keep the capitalism flowing. Head down, as long as the stock market goes up, never look at unemployment numbers or the mass numbers of people without access to healthcare. Just vote blue no matter who<3, everybody dance with the HBCU marching bands, thoughts and prayers, word salads and bombing Palestinians more efficiently.
Those of us who see the decaying of our instiutions and the growing pain coast-to-coast—we’re left with self-proclaimed progressives—a coin toss whether these people genuinely care about these issues or providing lip service to the hopeless, just to collect any and all briefcases full of cash like John Fetterman or Kyrsten Sinema before him, (or like what Graham Platner was 1000% about to do).
Anyone can say “Israel bad, billionaires bad,” which is exactly why we don’t need to celebrate the mediocre white guy who self-branded his skin with Hitler symbols.
The guy with amnesia whenever asked about his life prior to the year 2025, should never be looked at as some savior of the marginalized.
This is a hot take, I know, but I don’t think “former” Nazis will save us. Believe it or not, I don’t think drunk rapists have the answers.
Between now and 2028, many weirdos will emerge from their parents’ houses mimicking all the good ideas they’ve heard scrolling TikTok without understanding why or what they actually believe in—ready to roll over and fetch whenever that first big donor or lobbyists offer them cash or proximity to it.
Those who championed Graham Platner will be under attack by bad-faith actors. They’ll be embarrassed for waving around Platner’s red flags like pompoms, cheering as weekly, new women come out and say “yeah, Graham was weird to me…idk idk”.
Let’s use this as a lesson.
Here is a brand new rule for ALL voters: don’t vote for the guy with the fucking Nazi tattoo.
If you enjoyed what you read, head over to our Substack. We’ve got more content making fun of the ridiculous world we live in, sent directly to your email inbox daily.
Follow us over on TikTok, Twitter, Facebook or Instagram. Or shoot me an email at [email protected]. Let’s chat, bay-beeeee.



