in Lists, MLB

MLB Power Rankings: Max Scherzer is a Sticky Toddler Throwing Tantrums

max scherzer

We’re about 20 games into the 2023 MLB season and the Rays almost went 162-0 while the Oakland A’s plan to quietly move to the team to Nevada while no one’s paying attention.

 

Here are your MLB Power Rankings:

 

1. Atlanta Braves

Record: 14-5

Ranking Last Week: 1

If we’re going to continue congratulating the Devil Rays for beating up on the worst teams in baseball then we need to extend that same celebration to the Atlanta Braves who have eight wins against the Reds, Royals and Nationals. Beat the dog shit out of those boys.

Time to give Spencer Strider his flowers. Strider leads the league in strikeouts. He just held that stacked Padres lineup to 1 hit, no runs and struck out 9 batters. Atlanta may have lost their Ace when Max Fried went down with a hamstring injury but Strider is holding it down in his absence.

2. New York Yankees

gerrit cole

Record: 12-7

Ranking Last Week: 2

The Yankees being the second-best team in baseball miiiight come off a bit biased coming from someone who grew up with a Hideki Matsui poster hanging on his bedroom wall BUT, the Yankees are the only team who have yet to lose a series this season.

Shout out to Anthony Volpe for living up to the hype that his PR team has developed all season long. He’s jumped up to the lead-off position batting in the most important spot in the lineup—right ahead of Aaron Judge.

3. Tampa Bay Devil Rays

Record: 16-3

Ranking Last Week: 5

Just a casual 13-game win streak to start the season. Part of me was prepared to live in a world where the Rays finish 162-0 with a $20 payroll and 12 fans in the bleachers but the Blue Jays saved us from that hell.

Meet Taylor Walls, a guy who the front office molded from the clay of the gods. He’s third in wRC+ and leads the team in Baseball-Reference WAR. I don’t know where the Rays keep finding these guys but they cannot keep getting away with this.

4. New York Mets

max scherzer

Record: 13-7

Ranking Last Week: 7

It feels like every time I sit down to write these power rankings, the Mets lose one of their star pitchers to fluke nonsense. First, it was Justin Verlander being placed on the injured list like, an hour before the first pitch of the season and now Max Scherzer is out for 10 games for being sticky like a toddler. And then freaking out at the umpires. Like a toddler.

Last Friday, the Mets beat the A’s 17-6 in a game where they drew a franchise-record 17 walks. Now they have reinforcements coming with Brett Baty joining the lineup. He could be the next David Wright—minus the crippling life-altering back injuries. Knock on wood or whatever.

5. Los Angeles Dodgers

Record: 10-10

Ranking Last Week: 3

The Dodgers are a .500 team and are probably ranked too high on these power rankings but on paper, Los Angeles is too talented to be in second place in the NL West right now but the season is young.

LA leads the National League in home runs. Everything will adjust as the season progresses. I’m realizing I’m spending most of this time convincing myself why the Dodgers are Top 5 here.

(As I’m finishing this like, 5 minutes before I post it, the Dodgers are down 0-13 to the Cubs. This team might be ranked 30th next week.)

6. Toronto Blue Jays

Record: 11-8

Ranking Last Week: 8

The Blue Jays deserve all the credit in the world for winning a series against the Devil Rays when it looked like that squad would never lose. Last week I talked about Matt Chapman being the obvious MVP of the season and apparently, Bo Bichette read that and wanted to throw his name in that MVP hat. He currently leads the league in hits and he’s the fastest to 500 hits in Blue Jays history.

7. Minnesota Twins

Record: 11-8

Ranking Last Week: 8

The Twins are the only team thus far to split a series with the Yankees which is my own personal litmus test for greatness. I was confused why this team even wanted Carlos Correa in the building but it turns out, they had quietly been building a World Series ready rotation.

Minnesota just locked up their new ace, Pablo Lopez, to a new 4-year $73 million contract. Put Lopez’s 33 Ks with Sonny Gray’s 0.82 ERA and Joe Ryan’s 0.76 WHIP and you have 3 guys that can win you any playoff series.

8. Milwaukee Brewers

Record: 14-5

Ranking Last Week: 9

The Brewers started this week in a heavyweight battle against the Padres as both teams got big body blows in on each other with Milwaukee ultimately taking the series win. The Brewers are both Top 5 in ERA and runs scored, They’re probably too low on these power rankings now that I re-read what I just wrote but, ya know, do it again next week and we’ll revisit this.

9. San Diego Padres

Record: 10-11

Ranking Last Week: 6

[Padme Amidala voice] San Diego, you’re breaking my heart! I have not been shy about my love for the Padres and I did not come into this season thinking they’d be below .500 20 games into the year. Not only are they below .500 but they have been shut out TWICE this week.

It’s important for me to hold water for my guys and let everyone know that they’ve easily had the hardest schedule playing against the Brewers, Braves and Mets. They also have Fernando Tatis Jr coming back from injury (or suspension?) so runs will be on the board soon enough.

10. Cleveland Guardians

Record: 10-9

Ranking Last Week: 10

I promised I’d finally watch a Guardians game and report back with some deep analysis but I didn’t realize they’d be spending the week playing against the fucking Detroit Tigers and Washington Nationals. I’m not strong enough to sit through that. Even with the new pitch clock and shorter games. I just…I just cannot.

11. Texas Rangers

Record: 12-6

Ranking Last Week: 12

The Texas Rangers have the second-highest run differential behind the Devil Rays. Even with Corey Seager suffering an injury, the Rangers are the only team in the AL West that’s above .500 and that’s the same division as the team that cheats to win.

Respect to this organization for completely cleaning house and bringing in a brand new front office and coaching staff. The Rangers should be the shining example of the good that can come when you replace the old people who have had the same job for decades and are clearly just showing up to collect paychecks. If only we can have the same reckoning with the US Congress.

12. Chicago Cubs

Record: 11-7

Ranking Last Week: 16

The Chicago Cubs beat the shit out of the Las Vegas A’s but everyone does these days. What’s more impressive was their series win against the Dodgers which I imagine was great for team morale as Cody Bellinger got revenge against the team that changed the locks on him.

Cody Bellinger also hit a 420-foot home run on 4/20 while 1000% being high enough to float around the bases like he was smelling a fresh pie on a window sill.

13. Baltimore Orioles

Record: 11-7

Ranking Last Week: 18

The Orioles are having a fantastic start. They have a top-10 offense thanks to years of losing 100 games leading to higher draft picks and also thanks to playing the White Sox and A’s. But I want to put a lot of emphasis on fantastic ‘start’.

This team might have the worst rotation in baseball which makes their games exciting as hell because baseballs are going to be flying all over Camden Yards but as the season progresses, their record might match their inability to throw strikes.

14. Boston Red Sox

 

Record: 10-10

Ranking Last Week: 19

I don’t ever want to know what it feels like to be a Red Sox fan because I want better in my life. I don’t wish that tragedy and trauma onto myself. But man, it must suck to be a Red Sox fan watching your team battle night after night to reach a .500 record after 20 games only to be in last place because you play in a hell division.

15. Pittsburgh Pirates

Record: 13-7

Ranking Last Week: 20

I’m excited to see how this organization creatively tanks right before our eyes because they absolutely did not come into this season with any playoff aspirations. Anyone making more than $6/hr should try to get out of their leases before they get traded to the Mets for Gamestop stock.

16. Arizona Diamondbacks

Record: 11-9

Ranking Last Week: 22

Full disclosure: I meant to put the Diamondbacks higher on this list but literally had a list of 29 teams and could not figure out which one I forgot to write about. They are in first place in a brutal division with one of the best bullpens in baseball. And I forgot their asses. In my defense, I’m currently watching 80 For Brady and it’s a masterpiece.

17. Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim

Record: 9-10

Ranking Last Week: 11

18. St. Louis Cardinals

Record: 8-11

Ranking Last Week: 14

The Cardinals starting pitchers are 4-9 with a 5.60 ERA which ranks 13th in the National League. Miles Mikolas was an All-Star last season. This season he has an 8.10 ERA and has given up the most hits in baseball. The Ace of this pitching staff is a tee ball stand. Yike.

19. Seattle Mariners

Record: 8-11

Ranking Last Week: 15

Sometimes baseball comes down to one or two small plays or a wind gust pushing a ball juuuust past the outstretched glove of a defender or an umpire calling a strike or a ball. They’re 0-4 in extra-inning games and 2-5 in one-run games. This is going to be a heartbreaking season for the Mariners.

20. Chicago White Sox

Record: 7-12

Ranking Last Week: 17

Remember when I said the Yankees have yet to lose a series this season? Well, the White Sox have yet to win a single series so far. That’s not good.

21. San Francisco Giants

Record: 6-12

Ranking Last Week: 13

The Giants got WALKED OFF by the Detroit Tigers on back-to-back nights. You can’t be having nail-biters against an organization that exists as a museum to the good ol’ days when baseball teams cared about winning.

22. Cincinnati Reds

Record: 7-12

Ranking Last Week: 22

I don’t want to make this all about the Yankees but he’s what former Yankee, Luis Cessa, did in his last outing for the Reds:

  • 3 innings pitched
  • 14 hits
  • 11 earned runs
  • 3 walks
  • 1 hit batter

Laugh out loud.

23. Miami Marlins

Record: 10-9

Ranking Last Week: 23

Luis Arraez hit for the cycle this week. That’s a thing that happened and now you are aware it has occurred.

 

24. Colorado Rockies

Record: 6-14

Ranking Last Week: 25

The Rockies were just swept by the Pirates including two 14-3 slaughters. That sweep was the exclamation point at the end of their 8-game losing streak before beating the Phillies Thursday night. Lol @ the Phillies.

25. Detroit Tigers

Record: 7-10

Ranking Last Week: 26

Javy Baez was ATROCIOUS to start this season and now he’s currently on a 6-game win streak jumping his batting average up to .197. Incredible.

26. Kansas City Royals

Record: 4-15

Ranking Last Week: 24

The Kansas City Royals are now 1-12 at their home stadium. This team would join a long list of people whose lives improved the second they left Missouri.

27. Washington Nationals

Record: 5-13

Ranking Last Week: 28

The Nationals have 5 wins. That’s nice.

28. Houston Astros

Record: 9-10

Ranking Last Week: 29

Fuck the Houston Astros.

29. Philadelphia Phillies

Record: 8-12

Ranking Last Week: 30

I wanted to give the Phillies a little credit for trying to climb out of the hole they put themselves in to start this season but they just lost to the Colorado Rockies so yea, you get to stay at the bottom of these power rankings where you belong.

30. Oakland A’s

Record: 3-16

Ranking Last Week: 27

It was uncovered that a possum had been living in the visiting team’s broadcast booth. The fans are planning a reverse boycott where they’ll pack out the stadium to prove the team has a real fan base. Andddd the team will 1000% be playing in Las Vegas by 2026. The Oakland A’s are not a professional baseball team this season. The June 14th, 2017 congressional baseball game had more order than the A’s do currently.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Written by thelesterlee

Creator of Deadseriousness. Diehard Knicks, Yankees and Giants fan who wants to create a sports and pop culture space that isn't the same copy and pasted AI content you see everywhere else.

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